Is it just me, or has this been an extremely looooong season of Last Comic Standing? I donít know if itís because of Anthony Clark, or some not-so-funny comics making it through to the semi-finals, or just because there was no triumphant return of Dave Mordal. Whatever it was, Iím really, really happy that the end is in sight. Finally.
Tonight we say goodbye to one more comic, and then the final two pimp for the viewersí votes for the very last time. HmmmÖ an hour long show, and only two five minute performances by the finalists? Iíd say that means thereís lots of time for filler. Yippee.
Anthony finally puts some inflection in his voice and introduces the three remaining comics: The reigning King of Crotch Ball, Josh Blue! The Bad Boy of Comedy, (whaa?), Chris Porter, and the funniest man in a hat- Ty Barnett! Yay everyone! The audience is going crazy, and I can only assume they were warmed up by Carrot Top with that kind of reaction.
Anthony sends the comics off stage to get ready to either perform or have their heart broken by being booted by America. And weíre treated to the first surprise by the evening- a little stand up from the man himself.
Anthony grew up in the South, so he had a lot of pressure to become a trucker. Only problem is heís allergic to meth. This recent bad weather has really affected his family- his parentsí farm was flooded, so he had to go home and attach floaties to all the livestock. He makes a semi- funny Noahís Ark joke, and then starts in on natural disasters. Apparently he didnít know the difference between a tsunami, and tiramisu, and is now terrified of death by Italian dessert. Anthony lives in LA, but it was really hard for him to meet people when he first moved thereÖ so he joined a gang. Theyíre called the Lemon Slushies, and theyíre not really badass at all. They hang out in a cul-de-sac, and eschew drive-bys for vicious u-turns. Finally, Anthony wanted to go on vacation and thought about going to Mexico, but found out there is a new terrorist network down there headed by Osama PiŮata, the leader of the El Quesadilla Network. With that joke, Iím glad to see that Anthony has the decency to laugh in an embarrassed way.
Sometimes Iím not very observant.
So, apparently thereís been this thing online called Last Comic Downloaded. For the past I donít know how many weeks, rejected comics have been competing online for the chance to become the Last Comic Downloaded. Tonight, we get performances by the two highest vote getters, and tomorrow we get to see who we chose as LCD!
First up is Josh Wolf. I looked back through my notes for some information about him, but I came up empty, so Iím just gonna have to wing it. Josh looks nice tonight- he traded his baseball hat for a nice jacket and Gary Gulman semi-mullet, and heísÖ loud. Iím not a fan of the yelling comedy, and he is definitely not using his indoor voice. Hey, you know how people say that marriage ruins sex? Well, itís not marriage that ruins it, itís rugrats! Heís always trying to get with his wife, and the kids want to come in their room, or want his attention. He thinks maybe heíll have to write them a Dr Seuss type book: Donít Knock When Momís on Pop. Wow, I could see that at my local Barnes and Noble. Josh does something diabolical, (and genius) to his kids when he wants to have sex with his wife- he gives them cough medicine so theyíll fall asleep. Let me just interject here and say that one time one of my co-workers was complaining about her baby son keeping her up all night, and when I innocently suggested she slip him some Benadryl next time, all the mothers in the vicinity gasped in horror. I guess that they didnít like my idea. AnyhooÖ after some more jokes about kids interrupting sex, and Josh appreciating that his unit is bigger than his youngest sonís, Joshís three minutes are up, and he walks off stage, and out of our lives forever. Or, until tomorrow night.
Up next is Theo Von, who is taking a break from The Gauntlet or Fresh Blood, or whatever MTV show heís currently a contestant on. Just like Randy Newman, Theo loves LA. He loves to spot celebrities, and saw Britney Spears the other day and thought she was ďhot.Ē By ďthe other day,Ē Theo must mean ďfour years ago.Ē You know what Theo doesnít get about Britney? Kevin Federline. The guy thinks heís a badass, but heís a dancer, and thereís no such thing as a badass dancer. Um, yeah. This would be funnier if he hadnít already done this material on LCS.
Theoís had a really crazy life. His dad was 70 when he was born, and his mom was 32! He was a product of loose skin and loose morals. Zing! When he was tiny, his dad had a stroke, so the two of them learned to walk at the same time, and played games like catchÖ or donít, and is dad sleeping or is he no longer with us? At school, Theo got teased a lot, but when kids would tell him that their dads could beat up his dadÖ well, yeah, but Theoís dad used to bang their grandmothers. Oh, so thatís where Theo gets it.
Isnít Ricky Martin the King of Latin Comedy?
You didnít think that Anthony Clark would be the only ďfamousĒ comic performing tonight, did you? With 45 minutes to burn, NBC booked funnyman Paul Rodriguez for our viewing entertainment.
Paul thinks California is the place where itís all happening- the melting pot is melting away, and racism is going to end there. Know why? In 100 years, everyone in California will be Filipino. Oookay. Paul says that America is the only place comedy exists, (ever seen a little comedy troupe called Monty Python, Paul? They were definitely not American. And yes, I am a huge geek). Cuba has comedy too, in the form of Last Comic StandingÖ in front of a firing squad! Apparently itís really hard for them to find contestants for that show.
Paul loves that in the US, a Mexican girl can date an Irish guy, and they can drive a Japanese car to an Italian restaurant where they will drink German beer. On the way home they will get pulled over by a black police officer, who is also gay. Next Paul does a bit about how many Americans like salad, they just donít want to pick the tomatoes, and some think we should build a wall between the US and Mexico, but you know who would end up building that wall. Heck, the last time Paul saw a white construction worker- it was one of the members of The Village People!
Paul doesnít have cable, because his neighbors moved, so he doesnít keep up with current events. He used to consider himself pretty liberal, but since he came into a little money, he believes in things like the death penalty. Especially when someone scratches his car- an Infiniti(!). And, to wrap it up, Paul complains about the gas prices, and states that he now only dates women in a 5 gallon radius from his home.
I just canít figure out why this guyís not a bigger star!
I hope itís not Chris! Or Josh. Or Ty.
The final three come out on stage again, and unfortunately itís now time for a sad goodbye. Anthony teases them with the results, and then sends the show to commercial while all three sweat on the stage. When we come back, Anthony screws around a little more, before announcing that Chris Porter has been eliminated and will not be performing. Dang! We see Chrisís LCS montage, and footage of the other comics saying glowing and kind things about him. Chris knows that even though he didnít win, life will be better than it was before LCS, and tells that fans that ďI love all of you,Ē and thanks them for the notoriety and votes. He ends with his standard ďPeace and Love,Ē and Anthony tells Chris that he wants his sweater back. Must be an inside joke. Or I missed something in one of the earlier episodes.
I just donít see the resemblance to Animal.
Comedy is Josh Blueís life, and tonight he plans to be funnier than his competition. Iíd say that is a good plan.
Josh is so excited to be in the Final two! And, he thinks he looks like Animal from the Muppets, but I just donít see it. He does a funny little Grover impersonation, (nearÖ far!), and then talks about how he visited San Francisco just in time for the earthquake. It took him a while to figure if it was an earthquake, or just him shaking.
Oh, and just to clear the air, Gabrielís Blackberry belonged to JoshÖ and so did Stellaís baby.
Have you ever noticed that Joshís right arm does crazy stuff? Itís all over the place and one time tried to steal his wallet! Boy did Josh have egg on his face when the cops arrived and discovered that his wallet was in his right hand. And, lastly, the great thing for Josh about having a disability is that he can do anything he wants, and talk all kinds of smack about anyoneÖ and he gets away with it every time. The other comics know not to mess with him because of what he likes to call the Palsy Punch- they donít know where itís coming from, and neither does Josh.
Granddaddy used to be cool!
Ty Barnettís wrapping up the show and starts out by saying this has been a long journey , and heíll cherish his LCS experience forever, if only so that he can show his grandkids that he used to be cool and funny.
Tyís glad to be back in LA, because he recently spent some time in New York, on a murder mystery trainÖ the subway. Ty likes women who are naturally beautiful and donít have to wear a lot of makeup. Women who are naturally beautiful- Ty notices you. Women who donít know how to put on makeup properly- Ty notices you more. Especially the line on the side of the face, where fantasy ends, and reality begins.
Ty thinks race relations are still strained in the US, mostly because we put labels on everything. When dangerous ice is on the road, we call it black ice. Tyís got a great idea about stereotypes though- every thirty days all of the stereotypes should be switched up. If a cop pulls him over because he fits the profile of a carjacker, he can tell him to check the calendar, because this month, the cop fits the carjacker profile. Ty loves being around kids, because they donít care about race, they just care about who has the best toys. Then Ty repeats his bestest/ goodest jokes from a few weeks ago, and thatís it for Ty tonight!
Tune in tomorrow night at a special time and see special guests Dat Phan, John Heffron and Alonzo Bodden! And, whatís this? A special appearance by Jay Mohr?? Sell out! Oh, and see who wins Last Comic Standing!
Iím glad to have my Tuesday nights free for Dog the Bounty Hunter, but you can reach me at: SueEllenMishke@fansofrealitytv .com