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Thread: Recap 7/6: Cave Man On Fire, and the Crushing of The Bug

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wayner
    Shazzer, great job! I love the nutty, madcap tone with which you write these recaps!
    I don't know. I perfer more nutty, less madcap.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer
    All right, my little pumpkin tartlets, we’re deep into episode seven of the laughter. Pumpkin tartlet is your name for this week.
    Man you are such a girl. You are a girl aren't you? Yep, just checked your profile. You are a girl.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer
    According to Gary, losing Todd was like losing a best friend. The kind of best friend you make from a solid four, five…..hours of tight man-bonding over things like weed whackers and beer nuts and electric widgets.
    Good lord woman. Men don't bond over this crap. It's cars, beer nuts and beer, and of course porn. Speaking of which.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer
    ....as vengeful Tamminetta is back in the Castle where the Triple X-files was filmed.
    Ok, I saw that movie and it was LAME. I swear, they never make a good porno parody movie. Not even "Lawrence of a Labia" was any good despite it's epic look and high production values.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer
    Next week: The comics face a room full of screaming kids and Kathleen asks to be shot. Who will shoot her? Tune in to find out.
    I'll take a shot at her. A shot in the mouth. Booonggggnnnn!!!
    Seriously, though great recap Shaz.
    And what would that sound like DAG?

  2. #12
    Courtesy and Goodwill Mantenna's Avatar
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    Shazzy, mi amigo, you never fail to brighten up my day. Awesome job! You are very talented, and you do hilarious work with this show. In fact, your recaps are much funnier than the show itself.

    Lots 'o recap *GOLD*!

    Let us find out in this bizarre, sleep-deprived recap.

    I think it’s lucky she didn’t beat Todd Glass. Or that he didn’t wake up with the twisted head of the yard gnome in his bed. In any event, lucky he lost, as vengeful Tamminetta is back in the Castle where the Triple X-files was filmed.

    . . . hours of tight man-bonding over things like weed whackers and beer nuts and electric widgets

    Indeed the sneaky bastard I speak of is Ant. Little, bug-like Ant.

    revealing the soft under belly of evil hidden underneath his fake human-like shell

    He does not arf, and his tongue stays inside his head. Yet Rover, he does indeed resemble. He's so sweet, I want to toss him a milkbone.

    John Heffron grabs the challenge card and whispers, “I want to be Big,” referencing the Tom Hanks film. Noting that I used the “Big” reference in my first recap about the machine, I take a moment to pat myself on the back unnecessarily, pretentiously, and nerdily before listening again.

    He spends a good portion of time in the white room with Gary on his bunk bed, only not in that way

    if someone runs crap jokes past you, you sometimes have to lie and say, “oh yeah, man, that’s gonna kill!!” when you know it sucks. Ant sucks.

    The scene ends with Gary commenting on Ant’s diabolical mad-scientist laugh, while it echoes out over the house and we zoom away from the castle.

    We join Jay Mohr in a musty looking mafia-like room with dark wood, big curtains, and potentially Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci in a corner talking about whack jobs. Not those kind. But those kind.

    Believe him now and hear him later, girlie man….oh, that’s right, he wasn’t the short blonde in that SNL skit.

    Many questions haunt me. Will Bonnie be coming back to the house? Will Tammy actually knife somebody? Will they all be forced into a hot tub of cheese whiz?

    In the white room, a sober Gary starts to pack while dripping wet. We do not know why he is dripping wet. Is it sweat? Pool water? Hot oil? We do not know.

    I kind of want them to wrestle. It won’t happen, so I just mentally picture it instead. You should see it!! Hilarious.

    Lennie Crushes George, *She says, Using a Clever Steinbeck Reference*

    Someone else is pulling the strings. He’s just a little puppet! Buwahahahaha!! Oh..who could it be? Who? Something tells me it starts with a T and ends with an Ammy.

  3. #13
    King of the world holiday's Avatar
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    loved the recap ... thanks for coming out Ant, now bu-bye.

  4. #14
    Fort ahoy! Dr. Chaos's Avatar
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    Thank you for that most appreciated recap.
    Now that Ant's finally out of the house I can actually start enjoying the show again...We now have proof there is a god.

  5. #15
    FORT Fan PIKATSSO's Avatar
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    Shazzer,

    As always, you merit great props for going above and beyond the call of cleverness. But Shazzer…Shaaaaaaazzzerrrrr…you neglected to comment on or even mention what were arguably the two funniest jokes of the entire episode (or were these perhaps deliberately edited out of your recap with ulterior motive????) After all, neither Heffron’s “cuteness,” nor Jay London’s “nice skin” is going to guarantee either of them “the win” in this competition, as it is (ostensibly at least) a competition based on humor.

    Okay…the specifics:
    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer
    John Heffron’s up next and does a fantastic job right off the bat. He talks about how Jay used to clean out horse stalls, confusing flies everywhere. “Do we land on the thing with the bit in the mouth, or go with the horse?” He finishes with Jay getting kicked off a greyhound for not following dress code and how Jay looks like Neil Young on laundry day.
    As they are cutting to commercial before the “Roast-off”…we hear Heffron’s Roast joke about Jay having a fear of ice…who wouldn’t after being frozen in it for 4,000 years? Now, Shaz…that was downright clever of our little “Heff.”
    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer
    Lastly, Jay London gets three seconds of time on stage to thank the roasters and make a quick joke about Ant being a gay cop who didn’t want to take him in, but take him out. He finishes by stiffly hugging Jay Mohr for a night well spent.
    During Jay’s “3-second” opportunity to speak at the Roast, he acknowledges Rich Little (whose claim to fame is his talent at impersonating celebrities), and after remarking that Rich Little was one of his comedic influences (or something to that effect), he says, “I once went out with a promiscuous female impressionist…she does everyone.” Now, Shazzer, how is it possible that you could omit a line such as this????

    I was not even going to mention that you neglected Jay Mohr's highly insulting introductory remarks, or even worse...Gulman's hurtfully offensive "crude" remark to Norm Crosby (although you echo similar sentiments), i.e. "Who the F...k is Norm Crosby?" Now I grant you, both Mohr's remarks about how most of his humor would go over the audience's heads because of the hunched over way they walked, as well as Gulman's tasteless jibes, are the fodder of "roasts," and as such, I suppose they were not as inappropriate or shocking as Bonnie's low-class use of the "C" word--or (for all we know) Ant's use of the "N" word, yet I submit to you that such tidbits are crucial to inquiring minds who want to know...and as such, it was highly remiss of you not to bring such things to our attention...and I would be sycophantic not to bring these omissions to your attention.

    Now don't get me wrong, Shazzer...I would sooner listen to Dat Phan conducting a two-way conversation with his invisible mother while doing Ty-Bo (or whatever Oriental art he practiced) nonstop for the next 20 years of my life than have to write a single recap of an entire LCS episode...and I to you for your well-respected ability to do so, especially so articulately and with such hilarity (my ENTIRE recap would probably have consisted of the three relevant paragraphs above!). So to the FORT fans of Shazzer who will want to stone me for this post, I will say in very blunt terms: I think Shazzer is totally AMAZING...and NO, I DO NOT THINK THAT I COULD DO IT BETTER (or at all, for that matter)...just trying to "Keep it Real."
    Last edited by PIKATSSO; 07-11-2004 at 07:51 AM.
    My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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  6. #16
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    Very entertaining recap!

    One thing I could not believe was when Corey had to have someone explain to him what the Friar's Club was! I mean really! He may be young but if he's in the biz, he ought to know something about the history of comedy. The Friar's Club has been around forever. Norm Crosby, Phyllis Diller and Rich Little are three of its bastions (I swear it's a word...look it up lol).

  7. #17
    FORT Fan chrldr1818's Avatar
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    As always, great recap Shazzer

    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer
    *All right, my little pumpkin tartlets, we’re deep into episode seven of the laughter. Pumpkin tartlet is your name for this week. Last week you chose your own, this week, you are known via the tasty confection made from a gourd.
    *So let us instead, tune in and view the less-good-than-last-season show filled with angst, Survivor-like intrigue, and not nearly enough gnome shots. Bring on that gnome, I say!!
    * as vengeful Tamminetta is back in the Castle where the Triple X-files was filmed.
    *John Heffron grabs the challenge card and whispers, “I want to be Big,” referencing the Tom Hanks film. Noting that I used the “Big” reference in my first recap about the machine, I take a moment to pat myself on the back unnecessarily, pretentiously, and nerdily before listening again.
    *“Um…a doy….you basically make fun of, and/or “roast” the guest of honor via supposedly hilarious put downs and jabs.” Jay does not use the eighth grade lingo of “a doy”, but I choose to put it there
    *I can’t hear everything they say, and there are no subtitles, so I focus in on the fact that white carpet is always a stupid choice. It’s not like it won’t stain, people.
    *Next week: The comics face a room full of screaming kids and Kathleen asks to be shot. Who will shoot her? Tune in to find out.


    Dedicated to the lovers of Chik-Fil-A chicken batter everywhere.
    I always get the grilled chicken, now I feel left out
    Val

    "Well time slips away/And leaves you with nothin' Mister/But boring stories of/Glory Days, Well they'll pass you by/Glory Days, In the wink of a young girl's eye/Glory Days, Glory Days..."~The Boss

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  8. #18
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    This is what happens when you don't have a wireless connection for three days--Manny steals all your quotes!! You better be sleeping with one eye open, boy!

    That was hillarious, Shaz. You make me laugh...and I love you!


    ETA: Chik-fil-A
    "Look, you love me, and I love you. Maybe in a different time, a different place, this would work out. But we both know that only one of us is leaving this room alive, and I'm the one holding the flame thrower." - Film Fakers

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by spegs
    This is what happens when you don't have a wireless connection for three days--Manny steals all your quotes!! You better be sleeping with one eye open, boy!
    Sorry, my friend! I'll be sure to leave a couple for ya next time.

    Sleep with one eye open? But that would imply that I sleep.

  10. #20
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    no recap for 7/13?

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