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Thread: Favorite Joke This Season

  1. #81
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    Corey Holcomb's whole bit last night was brilliant.

    "My house is your house."

    I can't wait to see this guy more.

  2. #82
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    LOL I liked that bit too tofujoe

    Monty - hey mister? are you the guy from the Operation game? - hilarious! (and the first time I heard it was last night so it was extra funny)
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  3. #83
    FORT Fan PIKATSSO's Avatar
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    Chris Voth ( poorly paraphrased from my poor memory):
    Yeah, I recently broke up with my high school sweetheart...so we didn't make it to her prom.

    Tom Cotter:
    "I woke up this morning to Tension mounting...Tension is my dog."

    Corey Holcomb:
    "You just gotta talk bad about the cute chick"

    Dan Naturman:
    "Hi, ahhh...Hunan East? I don't suppose Lisa's there?"

    Good as these are, somehow they all stil pale in comparison to: "Well it was Dave"...

  4. #84
    FORT Fan chrldr1818's Avatar
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    Some of my favorites were:

    *Monty Hoffman: During his little interview bit with the judges in NY, when he was talking about his diagnosis. When he said he was watching PBS late one night because he couldn't find the remote, and he saw the thing about prostate exams, and thought to himself, "I haven't been touched like that in years." And, when he said the results of his exam came back, and the doctor said he had throat cancer his reaction was "How long is your thumb?"

    *Dan Naturman: Well, I've pretty much liked everything he's done on LCS, except for when he got cut in Vegas and decided to be a soar loser. But, I especially liked his juke box bit, and his bit about gift certificates("For the same 50 bucks he spent on the gift certificate, he could have just gotten me 50 bucks", "When I opened it up I thought it was money, so I said I'll try not to spend it all in one place, turns out I have no choice.")

    *Will Durst's President Rain Man bit was hysterical

    *Jim Norton: When he was talking about how he and his girlfriend were having trouble with their sex life, "We both had ideas as to what the problem was, she bought me Viagra, I bought her a treadmill..." And I thought his bit about being plus-size was pretty funny, "What's plus size? Woman + elephant = her?" I just adore him, I love his delivery and his material. I think his crass attitude is hilarious Sorry, Pikatsso please don't come after me for it it's just my taste in comedy.
    Val

    "Well time slips away/And leaves you with nothin' Mister/But boring stories of/Glory Days, Well they'll pass you by/Glory Days, In the wink of a young girl's eye/Glory Days, Glory Days..."~The Boss

    " Someone once said that dancers work just as hard as policeman, always alert, always tense, but see, policeman don't have to be beautiful at the same time." ~George Balanchine

    "Great dancers are not great because of their technique; they are great because of their passion." ~Martha Graham

  5. #85
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    Dan Naturman's whole gift certificate joke got me laughing out loud, because it is so true.

  6. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by PIKATSSO
    Good as these are, somehow they all stil pale in comparison to: "Well it was Dave"...

    i agree 100%. even one year later, Dave still has them all beat.

  7. #87
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    I liked Jay London's "My dog has free rollover minutes."
    Who I'm rooting for: Survivor: Vanuatu - Scout Cloud Lee, Leann Slaby, Lea Masters, Eliza Orlins, Twila Tanner, and Lisa Keiffer.

  8. #88
    FORT Fan PIKATSSO's Avatar
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    Kathleen Madigan...She does bits about female gymnasts weighing wayyy too little, and how the trampoline canít freakiní be an Olympic sport. To her, itís a backyard activity, and if thatís an Olympic sport, than they need to put "Hide and Seek" in there too. "We're in the Hide and Go Seek arena, Bob, what's going on out there?" "Well, the Canadians have been missing for over eight and a half hours. The Polish people are still standing in the middle of the arena. And maybe tomorrow someone will start lookin' for that Vietnamese kid...Ē


    Well, okay...she didn't really say that last part...but should have!
    (Thanks for letting me borrow loosely from your recap, Shazzer.)

  9. #89
    FORT Fan PIKATSSO's Avatar
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    *Jim Norton: When he was talking about how he and his girlfriend were having trouble with their sex life, "We both had ideas as to what the problem was, she bought me Viagra, I bought her a treadmill..." And I thought his bit about being plus-size was pretty funny, "What's plus size? Woman + elephant = her?" I just adore him, I love his delivery and his material. I think his crass attitude is hilarious Sorry, Pikatsso please don't come after me for it it's just my taste in comedy.
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    PIKATSSO ON THE PROWL...

    Just kidding, Chrlldr--to each his/her own. Put-downs are a legitimate form of comedy...I just prefer a subtler approach. I think Mr. Norton would be perfect cast in a movie as an inmate or a serial killer.

  10. #90
    FORT Fan chrldr1818's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PIKATSSO
    I think Mr. Norton would be perfect cast in a movie as an inmate or a serial killer.


    I could definitely see him doing something like that

    I just remembered a few others I liked so far:

    *Todd Glass: "Do I look like Mel Gibson and Fred Flintstone had an ugly baby?", "Go to the gym with a pair of roller blades on and just stand on the treadmill...", I also liked the stuff they were showing at the hotel, when he was commenting on how he was "always on". This guy just cracks me up

    *DC Benny: "You see a lot of cultural stuff in the Bronx. Like the other day, I was taking a walk through the park and I saw this old man doing Tai Chi, and I thought 'Oh, that's really beautiful,'. Then I got closer, and realized that it's just one of those heroin guys who never really falls over." I also liked his bit about people with bikes on subways, "It's a bike, go ride it, what, are you cheating in a race?"

    *Cory Holcomb: "I got two six-year-olds, and they ain't twins."
    Val

    "Well time slips away/And leaves you with nothin' Mister/But boring stories of/Glory Days, Well they'll pass you by/Glory Days, In the wink of a young girl's eye/Glory Days, Glory Days..."~The Boss

    " Someone once said that dancers work just as hard as policeman, always alert, always tense, but see, policeman don't have to be beautiful at the same time." ~George Balanchine

    "Great dancers are not great because of their technique; they are great because of their passion." ~Martha Graham

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