Last week, the kids faced freezing temperatures and turned chickens into chicken noodle soup. Greg worked his butt off in an attempt to earn a gold star but the Council awarded it to Michael who was an inspiration to them all. Sophia spoke out about Taylor and the yellow district’s laziness but nothing was resolved.
It’s partytime in the saloon as the kids take a break from their hard work to do a few soda shooters and chug some root beer. Apparently, the red district donated most of their money and the green district donated half of theirs to buy the ‘booze.’ The kids whoop, holler, and dance around the saloon. All except Emilie, Olivia, and Mallory, that is. They sit around frowning disapprovingly as they listen to the wild ruckus in the saloon. Olivia didn’t want to party because she doesn’t want to be tired for the next day’s showdown. Mallory wisely comments that you can’t build a town with no rules and recognizes that’s why it was abandoned in the first place.
Cody : “A man needs his root beer.”
“Your Morning Wake Up Call Brought To You By…..Greg”
Early the next morning, the Council rings the town bell and yells for the town to wake up but our ‘hungover’ pioneers are struggling to get up. In a sweet little voice, Mallory points out that’s what they get for staying up all night. The little drunkards have no choice when Greg parades through the bunkhouses using pot lids as cymbals and yelling at the kids to wake up. No one is happy about it but they don’t dare speak out against him. A grumpy Jared complains to DK that he only got four hours of sleep. Greg is “cruel and unfeeling,” he goes on to say. Suck it up, kid! Four hours is more sleep than I ever got on an all night bender. You play, you pay!
The Town Council makes their daily trek to the chapel to read the town journal. The journal suggests they set a town curfew so late nights at the saloon won’t be a problem. This should help to establish some law and order in Bonanza City. They agree that a little structure will be good for the town and think a 9:30 curfew would be perfect. A prissy Taylor says if they don’t like it, they can just “deal with it.”
With help from Blaine, Greg continues to harass the town with his wake up call. He rolls his body over the girls’ sleeping bags to wake them up. An irritated Divad swears that if he comes back in there, she’s going to kick him right in the…..shins? nads? Who knows because the production crew quickly edited her last word. After all, this is a show about kids. While a simulated drunken brouhaha is acceptable, violence is not. Greg drags Maggie in her sleeping bag outside into the middle of the street and leaves her there. I had to look her up because I swear this is the first time I’ve seen this girl. Outside, Divad lets Greg know that what he did to them hurt. He mocks their whining over being hurt and calls her a little bitch. The Town Council comes on the scene to ask what he’d done and he responds with “I didn’t do s**t.” Laurel tells him they used to respect him and even considered him for the gold star. Sophia calls him the village idiot. He tells her that she’s the village idiot since she’s starting s**t. He tells everyone to get away from him and walks into his bunkhouse slamming the door. Sophia cries because Greg makes them feel so helpless. He has such an influence over the town and they’re all afraid he’s going to beat them up. Now I really like Sophia so now I’m mad at Greg for making her cry. Where’s Jonathan, our geeky host? I want to see him wash Greg’s potty mouth out with soap. Well, Jonathan is obviously off shopping for a new Western shirt to wear to the next showdown, so Greg continues his rampage of swear words and insults. Some of the older kids think it’s disrespectful of him to be using such language in front of the younger kids. Even little eight year old Mallory says, “There’s no reason for kids to be using curse words like that.”
Eric tells the others that Greg is disrespectful and needs to change his attitude. Greg overhears and comes blasting out of the bunkhouse ready for a fight. He squats down in front of Eric and dares him to say it to his face. I wait for Eric to stick him with a quick jab to shut his big mouth. Alas, Blaine drags Greg away before Eric gets a chance. An exasperated Alex exclaims that the violence makes him feel very uneasy. Greg hangs out the window of the bunkhouse to say from the first day, he’s been nice to everyone. Mike begs to differ. He finds it funny that Greg says he’s been nice since he’s actually been a big jerk from day one.
Mallory is hiding in her sleeping bag crying because she can hear Greg saying mean things. Her big sister, Olivia, tries to comfort her but she cries that she misses her mom and dad. She wishes they could all curl up on the couch as a family and just spend an hour together. Her parents need a swift kick in the ass for sending her there. Morgan feels the things happening with Greg are too much for the little kids in town to handle. She decides to step in and be the mother of the crowd. She approaches Greg about his behavior and warns him of the reputation he’s giving himself. He thinks everyone should just relax because he’s not there to hurt anyone but to build the town and get things done. Greg seems to realize he’s messed up once and vows he won’t mess up twice.
In a town meeting, Mike tells the town that the problems with law and order are stemming from staying up too late. He notifies them of their new curfew suggested by the journal and many are unhappy with the new “law.” They grumble that 9:30 is too early but Taylor tells them to just “deal with it.”
Hook 'Em Horns Gotta give a shout out to my team.
Colton is bored so he calls Zach and Hunter, his best buds in town, over to go hiking with him. They clown around a bit on their hike and just happen upon a herd of cattle. Maybe they brought the cattle with them when they arrived. I honestly only remember the goats. But nonetheless, there are cows out there in the desert and Colton chases them because.....well, he’s bored and it seems fun. Zach declares Colton is one of the toughest and bravest kid he’s met in his entire life.….all ten years of it. Colton instructs them to run at the cows as fast as they can to frighten them. They all run away save one longhorn who faces off with Colton. The boys warn Colton to back up but he slowly moves towards the longhorn. When he’s only a few feet away, he jumps at it and wins the showdown. It runs away and the boys give chase. What a classic display of
While Sophia and Morgan gag cleaning the outhouses, the yellow district has a flour fight in the kitchen. They’ve been slackers when it comes to the cooking but sure know how to have fun making a mess. They sling flour at each other and around the kitchen instead of making breakfast for the town. I’m curious why they’ve been paid. Mallory is upper class and doesn’t have to work but she cleans the mess of flour the yellow clowns left behind. She believes the entire town should work together to become successful.
Taylor and the gang cook a brunch of hash browns for the town. She isn’t handing out plates because
she’s too lazy to wash themshe says it isn’t worth handing them out for that little bit of food. She stands in the street scooping hash browns into the hands of the kids. When they complain, she snottily replies that they can just “deal with it.” I, for one, will applaud when someone puts this brat in her place. Hunter tells Anjay that their breakfast sucks and I’m inclined to agree. Hmm, wonder what Jonathan and the crew had for breakfast. I’m of the opinion they should eat what the kids are eating but five bucks says they had bacon, eggs, and pancakes.
Chaos in the Corral
“Hello pioneers, and welcome to your next showdown,” proclaims Jared. Anyone else finding this kid annoying? Jonathan arrives in his new Western duds and I think he should have worn something with a little more color. That brown is a bit drab. He announces the rules for the showdown. Council members will be the sheriffs and their districts represent their posse. They’ll be rounding up a gang of outlaw sheep. Each sheep is wearing a playing card around it’s neck and the wanted sheep dons an ace of each district’s color. Each of the sheep also has a name painted on it’s back. Sheriffs will stand atop a platform, call out the names, and direct their posse to the correct sheep. The first district to grab three aces and run back to their district leader becomes the upper class and earns a dollar. Second place once again becomes the merchants earning fifty cents. Third place finishers will earn a quarter and become the cooks. Everyone hopes it won’t be yellow again. If so, they just might starve. The last place team will be stuck hauling water and cleaning toilets for two buffalo nickels. Laurel’s green district has had the smelly job twice and she hopes for anything but last place. If all four teams finish the task in under five minutes, they win a reward for the town.
It’s chaos in the corral as the showdown begins. Kids and sheep run around in a panic making it difficult to hear instructions from the sheriffs. Colton is a natural and dives right into the competition by tackling sheep to check their cards. Greg nabs the first ace putting the blue team in first place. A very cute and toothless Alex says that Greg and Blaine are annoying and cuss a lot but in the showdowns, they’re really great. The blue lead doesn’t last long as Colton jumps on Jeb, the outlaw sheep and collects his first ace. Blaine quickly grabs an ace to put blue back on top. According to Jared, the red team sucked. They were struggling to hear Sheriff Mike and ran around aimlessly. Colton was a sheep tackling machine and quickly found his second ace. Blue and Yellow are tied at this point while Red and Green have yet to score. Sophia tries to help out the green team but is disgusted by the animals. She’s the kids who stays indoors to read and doesn’t spend a lot of time around animals. Not to worry because Hunter finds an ace for them. Divad finally grabs an ace for red and I laugh. The kids can’t really hear the instructions that are being shouted at them. They’re more or less just wandering around the sheep until they spot an ace. Thanks to Colton, who grabs the final ace for the yellow team, they finish first. At least they won’t be responsible for the cooking any longer. Michael grabs an ace giving the green team one more to tie blue for second place. Blaine quickly finds ace number three for Blue making them merchants and earning them fifty cents. It starts to rain and kids are cold and wet but hey, the show must go on. I’m surprised that Jonathan doesn’t pull out an umbrella. Divad finds her second ace putting the red and green teams in a race to find their final card. Hunter helps Green finish in third place becoming the town’s new cooks. They’ll earn their quarter for sure. Sophia does most of the cooking already. Finally, and I say finally because this has been the LONGEST five minutes of my life, the red team scrambles to finish. They become the laborers but finish in time to win a reward for the town.
Their first choice is unveiled, an old “frontier” microwave and a barrel of cocoa. I didn’t realize there were microwaves on the frontier but whatever. The second choice is forty hot pizzas. Screams erupt from the crowd and the celebration begins as they salivate over hot, melting mozzarella and pepperoni. The council steps away to confer. Sorry, but it’d be a no-brainer for me. Unless Jonathan throws in a crate of popcorn with that broken down microwave, I’d be eating pizza. On second thought, screw the popcorn and the cocoa, pizza is the better deal. What are they going to reheat anyway? Canned corn? Taylor’s nasty hash browns? Mike agrees with me as the council argues over the decision. The kids chant, “Pizza, pizza, pizza” in the background. Taylor says that they might want pizza but they need the microwave and I wonder why she gets a vote. It’s not like she’ll be actually using the microwave anyway. She goes on to say it’s not up to the town; it’s up to the four of them and if the town doesn’t like it, they can just “deal with it.” She’s a bossy little snot but I feel a little sorry for her as I imagine her backstage at a beauty pageant. I can picture her complaining about being there all day under the hot lights and in uncomfortable shoes and her mother telling her to just “deal with it.” For some reason, I’m thinking that this spoiled apple doesn’t fall far from it’s tree. Anyway, I digress so back to the matter at hand. The council returns and Taylor announces to the town that they have chosen the microwave and cocoa. For a few seconds, I expect mutiny. It would be good TV if they’d stampede past Taylor and devour the pizza. However, they simply protest loudly. Taylor tells them to be quiet and gives them the whole “we need a microwave” reasoning. They protest even louder so she screams at them to “deal with it.” Afterwards, the kids are still complaining about the choice and Taylor says they need to get over it.
How shiny is your butt?
Later in the saloon, they moan and groan as Mike tells them it’s curfew time. It’s hard for Mike to enforce the rules because nobody likes him as a result. It doesn’t bother Taylor though. She likens herself to President Bush who has to be “bossy and mean” sometimes to run a country the way that she’s trying to run the town. You have to be bossy to get people’s attention, she says. I’m tempted but I’ll avoid the obvious Bush joke here.
The next morning the kids wake up feeling better after ten hours of sleep. Jared still struggles to haul water. Sophia, Morgan, and the green team work hard to wash the pile of dishes in the kitchen. Sophia makes hot cocoa in the microwave(Wait! They have electricity?) and they’re all thankful now that they didn’t get the pizza. It’d all be gone now and they wouldn’t be enjoying hot cocoa. Me, I’d still prefer the pizza.
Mallory runs the general store and drives a hard bargain. Sophia tries to convince her to take less money for a bag than it’s marked but Mallory refuses and makes her pay the full price of 25 cents. “I can’t stand that kid,” Sophia says. Her sister, Olivia, thinks she works hard and is friendly to all of her customers.
The red district is working hard scrubbing toilets and Taylor strolls by with her friends to tell them they aren’t doing a good enough job because her butt isn’t shiny. Let me tell you, her spoiled rotten little butt would be shining red if I got a hold of her.
Suddenly, a sand storm blows through and the kids run for cover. Jared wildly yells that a twister is coming. The storm blows over three of the outhouses and for some reason, the kids go out into the storm to take a look. As I watch them run back indoors with dust swirling around them, I wonder how many fans the crew has set up to produce this “storm.” They all panic in the saloon but Zach takes charge and tells them that Greg and the older boys will fix the outhouses when the storm blows over. Sure enough, they do.
Cody cries in his bunkhouse that he misses his family. Zach is a good friend and hears him out. Cody then decides he won’t go home. He’ll stick it out with his new friends there. Mallory is also sad because her birthday is the next day and she’s homesick.
The kids line up to speak to the council. They’re listening to the kids’ choices for the gold star and allowing them some input. Most of the kids select either Morgan or Greg(who votes for himself, by the way). Olivia, however, thinks that Mallory deserves the star since she works hard in the store, keeps a smile on her face, and it’s also her 9th birthday. Laurel feels she’s definitely a good candidate. The council faces a tough decision.
Deal With It, Queen Crybaby
The town meeting begins with an immediate question from Laurel to the yellow team. She wants to know why they’ve done more dishes in one day than the yellow district ever did as cooks. Taylor doesn’t care if people are mad at her because they’ve earned upper class and aren’t going to work. Surprisingly, Olivia gets an attitude with her saying that even when she had a job, she didn’t work. You go girl! She goes on to tell Taylor that just because she’s upper class doesn’t mean she’s the queen. Taylor retorts that she is a pageant queen and the “upper class is the king and queen of the job world.” Nathan stands to tell her that he’s tired of hearing “deal with it.” Guylan seconds that opinion and tells Taylor that someday the town will make a decision that she doesn’t like and she’ll have to just deal with it. The pageant queen is brought to tears as the kids applaud. Sophia asks who has a problem with the council. As several kids raise their hands, she calls for a reelection. Eric and Sophia ask Taylor what she’ll do to change. She apologizes and says she’ll make an effort to start cleaning up the town. Call me cynical but I’ll believe it when I see it. Jonathan asks if anyone wants to go home and no one speaks. All 39 kids decide to stay.
Now, on to the gold star. The council decides to award it to Mallory. There are other kids more deserving but I think they chose her because it’s her birthday. Anjay says it’s because she’s a hard worker who has been overlooked. Whatever the reason, she has the $20,000 star and gets to call her parents. Her mom is teary as she hears her voice and wishes her a happy birthday. She passes the phone to Mallory’s father who tells her he misses her everyday when the school bus passes and she doesn’t get off. So, I guess that means these kids aren’t in school. Maybe Jonathan doubles as a teacher when he isn’t a cheesy host in Western garb. Mallory proudly tells her mom that she and Olivia are going to stay there the whole time. They hang up and her mom cries as she talks about how weird it is with them gone. My question is “Why don’t you bring them home where they belong, dumbass?”
Back in town, Mallory shares a hug with her sister. She feels that without laws, Bonanza City went crazy but now they’re one big family. To her, Kid Nation proves that although adults are smarter and stronger, kids can do the same things that they can. She makes her way to the saloon where her peers wish her a happy birthday and hand her a drink. Soda, of course.
I have to mention that during the closing credits, Jared(I think) is stuck in a hammock calling for help. Sophia passes by and rather than pulling him out, she pushes him farther down into it. “What did I ever do to you?” he asks. “Nothing,” she replies as she calmly walks away. Have I mentioned that I like Sophia?
Next week, religious differences split the group and it snows. Zach confronts Taylor about threatening them. If I heard her right, in the previews, she yells something about him being as dumb as the green team. Looks like that apology wasn’t so heartfelt.
PM me with the Bush joke you would have used.