'Joe' didn't make up his mind
No decision, just stroll down memory lane
by ELLEN GRAY firstname.lastname@example.org
So you say you tuned in to Fox's "Joe Millionaire" last night expecting to finally see supposed construction worker Evan "I'm No Millionaire" Marriott choose his future bride?
So you say that you - and maybe 20 million other viewers - were had?
Well, what exactly were you expecting?
Truth in advertising?
Sure, frustrated fans of Zora Andrich, the 29-year-old substitute teacher from Lambertville, N.J., will have to wait another week to see if she or bondage queen Sarah Kozer has "won" a faux millionaire, but in the meantime, they've had a taste of the elaborate bait and switch that is at the very heart of the "Joe Millionaire" experience.
Zora and Sarah were promised a shot at a $50 million man and instead got to take long walks in the woods with the dullest hunk on Earth.
We were promised a decision and instead got a clip show - and a cliffhanger.
We also got to relive, in excruciating detail, both women's previous "dates" with Evan. Though at least it was possible, in light of recent revelations about Sarah's participation in bondage and foot-fetish films, to enjoy Evan's comment that he "knew she liked shoes and strappy things."
And who will ever forget Zora's suave suitor asking her if she got "that breast" in Paris? (OK, we will, and as soon as possible.)
Meanwhile, Fox continues to dangle the bait for next week's two-hour chapter, which "Joe Millionaire" butler Paul Hogan, appearing to confirm longstanding rumors, insists will include "a remarkable twist."