Here's the latest, in which I discover THE SECRET IDENTITY OF THE HOST ALEX McLEOD.
I also provide quality lessons to dating, as demonstrated (or maybe NOT demonstrated) by Evan.
Joe Millionaire Episode 3: The many shades of Evan
The latest is up. A little late, but hey, what can you do.
Here's an excerpt...
Meanwhile, Melissa can't tell the difference between garlic and an onion and the only way Evan can figure it out is if he sniffs the thing (he said it was onion, though). Remember when Evan smelled his fork during Alison's date? Maybe he was raised by dogs and this is just one of those things he does.
"Hey Evan, what do you think of this shirt?"
"I don't know. Let me smell it."
As he puts a glob of noodles in his mouth, Evan borrows Sarah's question to him and sends it right back at Melissa (notice his eloquence as he tries to remember what Sarah said): "If you, like, were in my position... what would you want to do with the, you know, with the funds that you were made-- you know, were made available to you?"
Melissa says something about saving a Third World country and bathing the children.
She's going to feed a Third World country? How? What might a woman who can't cook do to help? Set up a hot dog stand? Maybe cook some toast? Order take-out?
Excellent Rob, thanks for the link
Rob, I love your articles. If you have groupies, let me know so I can sign up.
By the way, you can get pics made into puzzles at Walgreens or any other similar photo developing establishment. You're right - kids think it's very cool to have a puzzle of themselves.
Hey, I'm always game for groupies!
The latest recap is up:
Joe Millionaire Episode 5: Evan Gets Distracted
Here's an excerpt...
Just to revisit last week's Disney theme, a friend pointed out to me how Sarah is like the calculating evil witch who asks, "Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
She asks this after spending so much time getting ready, complaining about the "stupid steward" who lost her dress, and after very purposely setting up the room and herself for the greatest seduction possibilities. It's like she's a business-woman with all intents and purposes to close the deal.
But lo and behold, what does the mirror say but, "Zora. Zora is the most beautiful woman..." and Sarah pastes on a smile. "It's Zora, the one who doesn't like to be seen in a bikini despite her beautiful figure, who wears little makeup, whose laugh is big and sincere, who notices little things like bulldozers, and who feels bad about leaving too much food on the plate."
"Zora?" begs Sarah. "But I've been letting Evan fondle me."
Those articles were hilarious...thanks for the link. I haven't laughed that hard in ages.
He who laughs last thinks slowest
Maybe we should chug on over to namby pamby land where we can find some self confidence for you, you jackwagon!
I totally agree with everyone. What a horrible waste of a show. I transcribed EXACTLY what the deep-voiced pretend-excited announcer said, and it's really bad.
Here's my latest crap:
Joe Millionaire Pseudo-Episode 6: Taking the Viewers for Granted
And the absolute worst part of the show were the ridiculous "Coming up Next!" promos. It's clear why they did it:
They knew the show sucked, so they thought they should resort to anything to keep the people watching -- anything being blatant lies. And I mean blatant.
They needed to fill an hour and were too lazy to sift through the many weeks of recorded footage. Instead, they brought in their team of used-car/infomercial pitchmen and hired that monster-truck-rally-wrestlemania-pretend-I'm-excited-deep-voice guy to speak over the please-watch-our-sucky-show-after-the-commercial-break promos.
End the show already!
My god, how long can they drag this thing out? Just show his choice and her reaction when he tells her the truth. That's all I want to see. Please, PLEASE, no more flashbacks. No more attempting-to-create-tension moments where we see Sarah, Zora, and Evan fretting and struggling with the decision that's about to be made.
Show the choice and then show LOTS of post-truth discussion. That's why everyone is watching the show. That's it! They aren't watching for the drama and the flirting and the hot tub moments and the slurps and mwahs. People want to see what happens when Evan confronts the girl with the truth. THAT IS IT. So, please don't show us lots of other crap.
And if they wait until the last 15 minutes to do all of this, I'm going to just spit.
Rob... you know they will... so be prepared to spit!And if they wait until the last 15 minutes to do all of this, I'm going to just spit