2/3 Jersey Shore Recap: Breakups and Bloody Behinds
Last week, our favorite too-tanned dueling bitches called a truce. Now that Sammi and Jenni are back to being friends, I'm worried there might not be as much drama in the house. Just kidding! Sammi and Ronnie are almost certain to get into some sort of fight again this week, and there is always something going down when Snooki and Deena are together!
We pick up where we left off last week at the gang's favorite club, Karma. Everyone is having a great time.... except Sammi of course. Ronnie is going crazy and drinking and having fun but Sammi once again alienates herself. Vinny and Mike hit on girls, like usual. Sammi says she is scared that Ronnie is going to start drinking again to the point where he is incoherent.
They all stumble back to the beach house and start heating up some late night drunk snacks. Snooki passes out in the dog pen area. Well, that's about right. Ronnie falls face first into the giant red pillow thing in the living room. He gets up, stumbles around, and heads upstairs. Sammi is pissed because she's making Ronnie food. She brings it upstairs to him but he doesn't want it. She lays in bed with him, but he rolls over and pukes so she has to get out of there.
The next morning, Jenni finds Snooki in the dog pen and she and Deena laugh and laugh. Ronnie goes to the bathroom and announces to Sammi that he's bleeding out of his butt when he goes to the bathroom. That doesn't sound good. He says he needs to go see a doctor, so he and Sammi head off to
the local STD clinic the doctor for Ronnie to get probed. Ronnie lays on the table while the doctor puts on his gloves and lubes up his finger. After a nice probing, the doctor tells Ronnie he needs to cut back on the drinking and the bleeding will probably stop. The doctor prescribes him some cream.
Jenni, Nicole, and Deena have a riveting conversation about masturbation and how if girls say they don't do it, they are lying. Nicole says she did it all day once and the next day she couldn't move. Nice. They head to the pharmacy and Snooki gets on a child's tricycle and tries to ride it. Of course, she falls off and declares OMG I don't want to pay for this! The handlebars fell off. They managed to wedge the handlebars on and run away.
Nicole and Deena are sitting outside the house smoking and playing with the dogs when Pauly D comes out and asks why they aren't ready. They tell him he looks hot and asks if he will make out with them. He says sure, and Jwoww too. He laughs and walks away. Nicole and Deena are actually serious, and declare he is hot and Snooki announces she wants his sperm. They go inside and get ready. It's time to go out to Karma, again! They have a rough life.
They arrive at Karma and Ronnie's friends from home are there to meet him. Their names are Pete, Dario, and Chris. Deena sets her sights on Dario and grabs him to dance. She asks him if he wants to kiss her, he says yes, and they kiss. It's like Jr. High. A guy named Jeff approaches Snooki and tells her she is beautiful. They begin dancing and making out. Snooki is taking him home tonight. Deena wants to go home so that she and Dario can snuggle, so she convinces the others that they are ready to go home too.
Snooki immediately calls dibs on the “Smush Room” because Jenni gets mad when Snooki smushes in their room. Snooki is sure that Jeff is DTF. They start getting hot and heavy when Snooki remembers she has her period. That's a good way to ruin the mood. Deena tells Dario that she wants to go to the gym the next day because she's fat and he says she is very small and could probably gain some weight. She doesn't have sex on the first date because it isn't Halloween and she's not handing out candy for free! Well, she quickly changes her mind and “does sex”.
Jenni and Sammi leave for work and Mike is supposed to be with them but he's still in bed. Snooki wants Jeff to work the stripper pole while she rates his moves. He swings around on it and it breaks. He says he knew that was going to happen, but they both laugh. There's nothing like a fully clothed juice head laying on the ground with a broken stripper pole on top of him to get a girl going! Snooki and Jeff head to the boardwalk and she discovers he has a tongue ring. She has kissed him a lot already and didn't know he had a tongue ring. Jeff tells Snooki that he was in the army and he was with a girl who wouldn't have sex until she was married. He got engaged before he went to Iraq. He backpedals and says it was a promise ring, not an engagement. He tells Snooki he will get her a promise ring in a few months. Snooki is upset because she just wants a fun boyfriend and not anything serious. She tells him not to call her anymore. Later, he calls her. She says it was a big deal that he was engaged before and she doesn't want to talk to him anymore. He keeps calling back and Pauly keeps making up different voices. He tells Jeff that Jeff better send roses with fried pickles in them to the house.
The guys leave for some GLT time and Ronnie asks Sammi if the girls can clean out the old food from the fridge and throw it away. She says yes and heads outside where the girls are. Jenni invites Sammi along to go to the sex store to get some games. They try on some outfits and poke each other with dildos. They laugh that the guys are cleaning the house and making dinner while they are at the sex shop.
The girls walk into the house and Ronnie instantly starts in about how the girls didn't do anything and how Sammi was supposed to clean out the fridge. She said that she cleaned the table. Ronnie cooks something that smells good and Sammi asks when he's cooked that before because he's never made it for her. He says he always cooks for her and she never does anything for him. They all sit down to eat and you can cut the tension with a knife. Everyone is pretty quiet and it's awkward for everyone. Ah, fun times with Sammi and Ronnie.
Sammi asks Ronnie what's wrong and he says it has nothing to do with her. In his confessional, he admits that he needs some space and Sammi doesn't get that. Snooki and Jenni show up at the Tshirt shop two hours late and they aren't even wearing the store's shirt that they are supposed to be sporting. Snooki doesn't like work because she doesn't like working. Snooki and Jenni talk about being happy and being single. Danny “The Boss” throws something at them to break up the girl talk and get them back to work.
Back at the house, the guys (minus Ronnie) are getting ready to go out. Sammi tells him he can go out if he wants and he says he doesn't want to. She asks if they should just break up. What? I think that hair straightener has fried too many brain cells because that was completely random. He calls her a selfish bitch and tells her to do him a favor and go out. Sammi says she is going to back off and he says he doesn't want to talk to her and asks her to go downstairs. Downstairs, the guys are waiting for Sammi so they can leave. Vinny comments that hell has to be just like this. I agree. She tells them she isn't going to be going out. Pauly gets mad and says that Sammi has ruined Tshirt time for him, so he changes his shirt. Pauly makes me laugh.
MVP + D once again heads out to the club. I mean honestly, that's all they do. Pauly D loves that Deena likes to “Jersey Turnpike” all the time. Apparently that's when she gets down low and shakes her butt in between Pauly D's legs. I'll put that one away for future reference. Pauly sees Danielle “The Stalker”, the girl who threw her drink in his face last time he saw her. She says she is mad because he made her look like a stalker. He says he didn't, and invites her back to the house. She accepts.
Back at the house, Snooki and Sammi are talking about Ronnie and how Sammi and Ronnie constantly fight. Snooki asks if Ronnie has his period. The drunken Karma crew comes home and Pauly D puts on the “I Heart Jewish Girls” shirt that Danielle made for him before. She starts laughing and tells him to take the stupid shirt off. Vinny runs by and calls her a stalker and asks what she's doing at the house. Deena says she doesn't get it because Danielle threw a drink in Pauly's face the other night and now she's at the house. Vinny asks what kind of bird brings a baby, and they all say “stork” and laugh. Get it? Stork sounds like stalk. Pauly asks what Jack climbed up. The bean____. They all say stalk and laugh. Danielle gets mad and punches Vinny playfully. She gets up, hugs Pauly, tells him to have fun this summer, and leaves.
Up in Crazyville AKA Ronnie and Sammi's room, fighting once again erupts. They are in separate beds, but Sammi is cold and wants Ronnie to come into her bed with her. He says he's sleeping and tells her to quit arguing with him. She says she doesn't want to do this anymore. He tells her to stop threatening him. She calls him negative and he says he wants to be left alone. She says it isn't fair to her anymore, and he mocks her “me me me me”. She says she's tired of breaking up and making up. He says they are done. She tells him to look her in the face and break up with her. He won't. His back is to her and he tells her to leave him alone. She nags some more and he finally rolls over, looks her in the face, and tells her that they are broken up and they are finished. She wants him to talk to her but he tells her to back the f*^% up and get away from him. She tells him she needs closure and he keeps saying he wants her to leave him alone, so he goes outside.
She follows him outside and that's when the F bombs start dropping. He tells her she's an f'ing waste of time and f this and f that. He says the only reason she got through Miami was because of him. He thinks now that she has some friends in the house she is turning her back on him. He calls her the fakest person in the house. He says she will f'ing crumble. She says he will never understand what he f'ing put her through. She says this is the breaking point of their relationship and she's f'ing fine with it. He says it is what it is. There's another deep thought to file away. He says they will figure out the room situation in the morning.
Next week, there is more Sam and Ron drama! Surprise! She goes out and dances with guys to make him jealous. He trashes their room. She decides that she has to go home and get herself together. Hmm... sounds like the same episode we saw last week. Oh well. Come on back next time for some more Jersey fun!
Re: 2/3 Jersey Shore Recap: Breakups and Bloody Behinds
Next week should be intense. I know that ron and sam have had lots of arguements, but i think this is the worse.