1/20 Jersey Shore Recap: The Resurrection of Snooki
It's the second episode of Jersey Shore this week, and I can't help but be a little bit
repulsed excited. A double dose of Snooki's drunken escapades and Ronnie's roid rages? Sign me up! I look forward to laughing at these tools on Thursday nights. I can't believe they get paid to be slutty, drunken idiots. I'm sure in the wrong profession!
The show begins with Jwoww calling Tom and crying about Nicole getting arrested. She says she couldn't call because of it, but he gets super pissed that she didn't call last night when none of the Snooki drama was going on. She hangs up on him and he calls back and they start shouting F bombs at each other. The police station calls soon after and says Snooki is ready for release. The gang heads down to the local slammer and picks up Snooki. She claims to be embarrassed. She has no idea why she was arrested and Jenni basically tells her she was an annoying drunk girl. Jenni is already sporting a “Free Snooki” shirt.
Snooki calls her dad to tell about her arrest and how her time in a jail cell was a trainwreck. Her dad lectures her and says next time she gets into trouble, he's coming down to haul her ass home and she's done with Jersey Shore. He gives her the lamest dad line in the book: “I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed.” The girls look between Snooki's boobs and see that she still has sand in between them. I feel bad for that sand.
Snooki and Jenni sit down for some girl time (aka cigarettes and incoherent ramblings) and Snooki says she was never an angry drunk until after Emilio in Miami. Jwoww thinks that Snooki needs to find love, but she shouldn't try to find love with everyone like she's doing now. Jenni thinks Snooki is setting herself up for destruction. Snooki thinks she is addicted to three things: bronzer, boys, and alcohol.
That evening, The Situation, Pauly D, Vinny, and Deena are the only ones who are going out to the club. Deena is going to be the wingman for the boys, since she says she loves girls when she is drunk. They head to Bamboo and it is packed. Deena immediately grabs a group of girls to grind with, compliments their boobs, and then makes them take body shots from her. Pauly doesn't usually like anyone interrupting Tool Time AKA MVP time (Mike, Vinny, Pauly), but he thinks Deena can roll with them. I can't imagine those boys turning down any of this girl-on-girl action they are seeing.
Deena finds herself a “hot” man named Dean and they begin to grind on each other. She is obsessing over his faux-hawk when the boys decide this new dude looks a lot like Ronnie. In fact, he actually does. He has that certain gorilla, juicehead, 2 tickets to the gun show look about him. Deena invites him back to the house and he agrees. The guys want to take Dean upstairs and try to trick Sammi by having him switch places with Ronnie. They get upstairs and all start laughing. Ronnie knows Dean and says that Dean's girlfriend is also named Sam. Ruh roh, Dean has a girlfriend and he came back to the house with Deena.
Deena puts on her bikini and cowboy hat and takes Dean into the hot tub. She tells him he's hot and he says she's gorgeous. She asks if he has a girlfriend and he kind of hesitates but says no. They start making out in the hot tub. Vinny and Pauly D concoct a parody of the whole Jenni/Snooki/Sammi note incident. Since Dean looks like Ronnie they want to write Sammi a letter about fake Ronnie hooking up with Deena. Dean and Deena head to bed, and although he didn't get the “golden ticket” he got a sneak peek. Wow, I can't believe Deena actually has a little bit of class. Go figure. The next morning, Deena heads downstairs and Sammi clues Deena in about Dean's girlfriend. Deena is surprised and then kind of laughs it off.
Another evening comes, which means another night of partying. It's a rough life, but somebody has to live it. The whole crew heads out to their favorite club, Karma. It's Snooki's first night out since her arrest and she is excited to be drinking with a good head on her shoulders now. Well, unless she got some sort of head transplant, I don't think she can make that statement.
Jenni runs into Roger, the guy she likes but is supposedly dating someone. Jenni's friend Lauren talks with Jenni and Roger and admits that she might have mistaken Roger for someone else who looks like him. So basically, there was a bunch of drama for nothing. Roger isn't dating anyone and Jenni's friend is an idiot.
After Karma, everyone heads back to the house. Surprisingly, the boys didn't bring anyone home to smush. Everyone is laughing and having fun, when Jenni gets a call from Tom. He says he couldn't sleep because he was wondering if she was home yet or not. He asks about her night and then wonders why she is being short with him. He asks if he's talking to his girlfriend or the bitch that's come over her recently. She tells him she loves him and he hangs up on her. She mumbles that she's leaving his ass and she calls him a douche.
The next morning, Jenni calls Roger and he wants to meet up with her. He is going to bring his “hot friend” Alex and Jenni is going to bring Deena. The duck phone rings soon after and it's Tom. He just wants to know what she's up to and she says she's going with D to get coffee. He tells her he loves her and hangs up. Jenni and Deena go to the boardwalk and have fun with their juiceheads.
When the girls get back, it's 5:30pm and Snooki is still in bed. Jenni wakes her up and Snooki says she isn't going to drink anymore. Jenni tells her not to cut it out completely. The house makes it their mission to help cheer up Snooki. Vinny busts out the flip camera, and films Snooki's hair poof and says that he misses it. I do too! I love the poof and it doesn't seem to make many appearances anymore. He then films Jwoww's boobs while Pauly D narrates. I don't miss those.
Snooki talks to her BFF Ryder on the phone and Ryder wants to come visit. Snooki can't wait to see her. Snooki, Pauly D, and Jenni head to work at the Tshirt shop and the boss tries to cheer up Snooki. Jenni asks Pauly for advice about Tom, and Pauly says she looks happy and she should do whatever makes her happy. Snooki is still acting all mopey, so Jenni calls in reinforcements. She asks Roger to bring his friend Nick to the store with some coffee drinks for the girls. The girls leave with Roger and his friend. Snooki thinks Nick is super cute. Danny “the boss” goes to drag the girls back to the Tshirt shop.
After work, Jenni and Snooki get ready to go on a double date with Roger and his friend Nick. Snooki shares that she might have to “double panty” it because it might be bad. I'm assuming this means because she is going to be so excited with her new gorilla juicehead. Good Lord. Some things are better left unsaid. Snooki is starting to get excited and nervous, so that means she has to poop. Every time she gets excited she has to poop.
Snooki: “I just had a baby in the toilet.”
Roger and Nick come to the house to pick up the girls and Deena is jealous because Nick is a hottie. They head to the boardwalk to ride some rides. I have no idea what else they did because we only get to see about 30 seconds of their boardwalk time. The 4 of them come back to the house and Nick goes to bed with Snooki. She already wants to have sex with him. Snooki claims that she prayed to the gods to meet a nice juicehead gorilla, and she did. We see them making out, but I'm not exactly sure if they ended up having sex or not. Roger went to bed with Jenni too, but they didn't have sex. I must say I'm shocked and impressed. The girls in the house aren't as slutty/trashy as I thought. The guys on the other hand, are a different story.
The next morning, the guys leave and Tom calls for Jenni. Everyone runs into the house to listen to the conversation because they are expecting fireworks. Tom wants to know why Jenni didn't call last night after she got in and she says she doesn't know. She says she was taking a breather. Pauly D and the others laugh from in the other room and start saying “roger that” and laughing. Tom asks if Jenni knows anyone there and she says she knows Roger and his friend Nick and that they've been hanging out a lot. Tom wants to know if Jenni wants the phone call to be their last conversation because she just needs to let him know. She says there is nothing to let him know and that she didn't do anything. She says she is having a good time and enjoying herself. He is offended that it was implied that she doesn't have a good time with him. They go back and forth a little and she says she has done nothing wrong and even before she left for Jersey, he treated her like crap and he says she's the one treating him like crap. She hangs up the phone on him.
After the phone breakup with Tom, Jenni calls her dad. Jenni's dad has talked to Tom and Tom is upset and starting to move his stuff out. Jenni wants to know what's going on with her dogs, but her dad doesn't know. She wants her dad to call Tom and tell him not to touch any of her stuff. Jenni is so worried about her dogs, she decides to take a trip to the house to get them. Snooki goes with her. They get to the house and Tom has locked Jenni out. She finds some hidden keys and goes into the house to get her dogs. They are fine. Snooki goes upstairs and announces that the bed is gone. Her watch is gone, too. The watch had nothing to do with Tom, it was a present from graduation. Jenni's hard drive is gone, and apparently so is her money. She says he wiped everything out. There is a Paypal screen up on the computer, but she is afraid to look to see how much he spent. She decides that she isn't in her home anymore, her home is in a tiny bed in Jersey.
Next week, Ronnie comforts Jenni but Sammi flips out that Ronnie is being nice to Sammi. Ah, high school drama at its finest. Tune in next week for all the hair pulling, f bomb dropping fun!
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