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Thread: Line Up To The Left To Smell Cris’s Butt episode 13 recap

  1. #1
    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    Line Up To The Left To Smell Cris’s Butt episode 13 recap

    Yes, believe it or not that statement will make sense if you finish reading the recap.

    Having the whiners, pouters and babies gone has definitely lightened the mood in camp for our remaining celebrities.

    It is fun to sit and watch as they let go and enjoy their last few days.

    Of course, the powers that be find the need to catch us up on how Tyson has been since his expulsion from camp. I love these little updates as so much could have happened in the last, what, 24 hours? Please. Tyson had nothing worth hearing when he sat with the host after leaving camp, and he has nothing worth hearing now.

    The campers are shocked that Tyson was the one to go. I can’t figure out why. It was obvious from their confessionals that they too saw two sides of Tyson. The side they liked and the side they, well… didn’t. I am glad he is gone, and by the mood of camp, whether they admit it or not, I think the campers are happy too.

    When it comes time for the bushtucker trial the camp has decided it is between Cris and John. Julie has endured 3, Bruce 2, and Melissa just doesn’t want to do another one. Cris and john draw cards to see who will go and it’s Cris.

    This, of course makes me happy, as I know we will get more “Cris Time”. Cris TV. All Cris All The Time. Yep, that would work for me. Until my husband changed the channel anyway.

    Cris’s trial is way easier than Tysons. Cris just needs to fight some balloons then say, I want 5 meals and he’s got them.

    Yes, I am kidding. He needs to open a huge aquarium filled with what I assume are indigenous snakes, pick them up one at a time and carry them up some stairs, through the woods, down some stairs, and deposit them into another aquarium which in reality is about 3 feet away from the first. He has to carry them one at a time, and has a time limit in which to complete the task.

    The snake wranglers come over to tell Cris how and where to grab the snakes. I must say, that until I heard their directions, I thought I’d be able to do the stunt. I always thought you should grab a snake behind his head to make sure he couldn’t bite you.


    While these snakes are not poisonous, they will bite.

    These snakes are BIG.
    You can’t clamp down from the top, as this resembles an attack and the snake will try to bit.

    You can’t grab near his head as this resembles an attack and the snake will try to bit you.

    You can’t let his tail get closed in the tank as this resembles an attack and the snake will try to bite you.

    Have fun Cris.

    He doesn’t waste any time and flings open the lid to the first tank, grabbing the snake from the top, near his head! I have to turn away.

    He gets a better grip on what I have decided is an anaconda, even though I am pretty sure they are only found in South America. It’s just that it’s the biggest snake I can think of, and these suckers are looking bigger by the minute.

    Cris dances up the stairs, through the woods, down the stairs and to the other tank where he deposits snake number one without incident.

    Steve Irwin is scared.

    Cris only has trouble with one of them. On second thought, trouble is a strong word. Cris did the Anchor Triple Step when he should have done the Ball-Change and stumbled on the stairs. He didn’t let go of the snake though, and gained his footing quickly.

    He was so fast during the trial that he was ready to grab snake number six, when the host yelled “You’ve got 5, you’re good Cris”

    Back at camp, Cris has to be the first celebrity that didn’t embellish what he had to do.

    Tyson was at the hotel complaining that he could have done Cris’s task easily. Hmmmm, I guess so Tyson, if you were allowed to throw the snake to the tank while screaming.

    John is worried because he feels as though he would have been able to do this one, but now he has to do the next one. For some reason he is sure that this will include eating bugs.

    There have been at least 27 different occasions where John has said he will not eat bugs. He can not, can not, can not, can not eat bugs. (Sorry, I was channeling Robin for a second).

    Melissa then does her best to flirt with Cris. She’s not doing a good job.

    Melissa I’m really glad you were here Cris
    Cris Yeah, thanks
    Melissa No, I mean, you’re really a great guy.
    Cris Yeah, thanks
    Melissa I mean, I’m going to be stalking you when you leave.
    Cris uh.. oh..

    It’s time for fun. The campers have(?) to play a volleyball game. Since Cris is the leader he will referee.

    It’s Melissa and Bruce against Julie and John.

    Bruce sucks. He can’t hit the ball over the net to save his life. The harder he tries, the worse it gets. I have a feeling that the mildly sought after Wheaties Box with Bruce on it, will be popping up for sale on E-Bay any day now.

    Bruce is a fierce competitor and this losing is hard on him. I also find it interesting that although Julie and Melissa are playing, Bruce says over and over that HE lost to JOHN.

    Everyone is laughing while the game is on and it really does look like fun.

    Bruce tells us that this is his most embarrassing moment. I find that hard to believe after seeing him put on his singed underwear.

    We have been informed that there is a definite smell, hanging around camp. It seems that no matter how often these guys bathe, the smell won’t wash off. I blame Bruce for rinsing off in the bath water after his trial.

    They decide to take turns wearing a blindfold, smelling their fellow campers and seeing if they can guess who’s who.

    Julie is up first and guesses as her friends get near. Lucky her, she gets an armpit full of Cris. She also has to hold her nose after correctly guessing Bruce

    Cris is next, and he too, gets them all right.

    John is sure he can “Guess The Owner Of The BO” too, so he dons the blindfold. He is happy to quickly guess Julie.

    Bruce, showing that he actually can be funny, in a mean sort of way, decides to carry Cris over to John “Firefighter style”. In case you are unsure of what I mean, picture Cris tossed over Bruce’s shoulder with his rear close to Bruce’s face.

    John takes a few good deep whiffs of Cris’s butt. He can’t tell who it is, so he needs to smell longer and deeper.

    Finally Julie, who is laughing uncontrollably rips the blind fold from his eyes. He laughs harder than the rest I think as he says “…. Yeah, I thought it smelled like Bruce”

    The dinner basket arrives with what looks like, in Johns words, an Armmadillo. I have to agree that he described it pretty well. We never find out exactly what it is, other than it’s fruit. They will save it for morning.

    They have “little birds” for dinner. I guess they are used to Turkey’s as I think “sparrow” when I think small bird. These are about the size of Cornish Game Hens….. I guess, hell I’m a vegetarian, so I really don’t know.

    Here come the host. He’s here to announce the sixth person to leave.

    I hope it’s Bruce.

    John… you are safe.

    I hope it’s Bruce.

    Bruce…. You’re safe.


    It’s down to Julie and Cris. Although I have come to really like Julie, if you’ve been paying attention you’d know I’m obsessed with Cris.

    It CAN’T be Cris. Please….

    The sixth person to leave camp is…. Julie.


    She runs out of camp without saying goodbye and goes to meet the host.

    She is shown footage of her stay, and has a good laugh.

    The only thing I don’t get is that when asked why she didn’t say bye, she informs us that she’s “done with those people”. I found that odd.

    Her hubby is there to meet her.

    Don’t worry, I am sure we will be able to catch up on everything when we see her tomorrow.
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  2. #2
    FORT Fogey MollyRose's Avatar
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    Jan 2003
    New Mexico
    Where's the line form for Cris sniffing?

    I told my husband last night that Cris is on my "list" and he said he doesn't blame me.

    So, what was with Julie running out of camp without even saying goodbye? Then saying "I'm done with those people"? I was hoping she'd be booted last night.

  3. #3
    LG. is offline
    FORT Writer LG.'s Avatar
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    Sep 2002
    frozen tundra
    thanks for the recap, cali, it's much easier to take than the show. What number do I have in the line to sniff Cris' butt?
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

  4. #4
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    Sep 2002
    On the mat
    Great job, Cali!

  5. #5
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Feb 2003
    salt lake city ut
    Great recap! So I guess I am #4 in the Cris line?

  6. #6
    Titles are so impersonal Rainenut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    southwest USA
    #5 here!

  7. #7
    Starbucks is your friend Bill's Avatar
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    Oct 2002
    Melissa stalking Cris... it could happen Cali!
    "George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world.
    -- Arrested Development, Season III

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