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Thread: I Want To Be A Hilton (7/26): The Paparazzi From Hell

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    Cy Young 2010 Mariner's Avatar
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    I Want To Be A Hilton (7/26): The Paparazzi From Hell

    I Want To Be A Hilton (7/26): The Paparazzi From Hell

    The press can be so annoying if you want to live a somewhat depraved lifestyle. Or at least that seems to be this weekís lesson. Hey, it ought to be every Americanís right to go to the grocery store without bothering to shower. Thatís what baseball caps, sweatpants, and t-shirts are for. Unfortunately, if you are famous, someone may just snap a picture of your disheveled appearance, sell it to a tabloid, and next thing you know, your less than attractive photo is on the front page of a rag. Hereís a toast to not being famous and being able to slouch into the local Safeway or Albertsonís in peace.

    Blinded By The Lights

    This week opens with a review of Latricia being left off the list and the revelation that Teams Madison and Park are no more. The final seven will be playing as individuals. They consolidate into one penthouse suite. Jackaay is more than a little uncomfortable that she is the only remaining contestant from the original Team of Complete Losers Team Madison.

    Brenden does his best Gollum impersonation, rubbing his hands together (okay only in my head did he rub his hands together) and declaring that heís been waiting for the game to get dirty. We also get flashbacks of the romance between JW the construction worker from Oklahoma and Jules the receptionist from New York.

    Jackaay reads an invitation from Kathy to join her for lunch at The Palm. As the contestants leave the penthouse to get in a limo, they are ambushed by paparazzi. We get a commercial for The Palm and learn it was opened in the 1920ís and is best known for its steak, seafood, and famous clientele. Kathy is pleased that the guys hold out chairs for the gals when they are being seated in the dining room.

    Kathy brings up their encounter with the press and introduces the contestants to David Allocca, celebrity photographer, and Jeffrey Slonim, a magazine writer. David says that he tries to photograph celebrities looking good but there are 20 photographers trying to catch you in embarrassing moments for every one of him. Jeff asks them if they want to be photographed hammered in the middle of the night. David and Jeff then show them why there is a movie screen in the room. They have done fake rag magazine covers of each of the contestants. After the lesson, Jeff and David leave. Kathy asks the contestants if they found the lesson interesting and says that you have to learn a little humility.

    Jules decides this would be a good time to ask a more than somewhat awkward question. She inquires of Kathy about how Paris dealt with everything in the papers. I suppose it could have been worse. She could have asked Kathy flat out what she thought of the sex tape.

    Press-ure

    When we get back from commercial, Kathy does not lunge at Jules with a butter knife as I had hoped. Instead, she answers graciously. Kathy tells us that Paris has a positive attitude and is very strong but sensitive. I admit that I am not a regular viewer of The Simple Life, but I donít exactly recognize the Paris Kathy is describing. You have to love mamas. Kathy does allude to the sex tape and says that the experience has taught her not to be so judgmental. She quotes her father-in-law who says that ďThose the gods destroy, they first make proud.Ē It occurs to me that her father-in-law is a wise man. Kathy concludes this painful interlude by stating that she and her family didnít hurt anybody and that her main concern is for Paris.

    Kathy sends the contestants off to a public relations expert, Susan Magrino to prepare for a red carpet event that evening. Susan channels clichťs and informs them that the most important thing for them to remember is that they have one chance to make a first impression. She tells them that they need to listen to any question they get asked by the press and pause and think about what to say before answering. After answering some questions from the contestants, Susan says that the best advice she can give them is to be as gracious as possible.

    Back at the penthouse, everyone gets ready for their first red carpet experience. We learn that there is trouble in paradise between Jules and JW and that they are hardly speaking to each other.

    The contestants take limousines to what they think is a red carpet event at The Manhattan Club. Poor deluded contestants. Instead, the event turns out to be a press conference at which they are the subjects. The conference will be hosted by Donny Deutsch reality famewhore advertising guru. The ďpressĒ turns out to be the eliminated contestants. Donny tells them not to pull any punches and they donít.

    Each of the remaining contestants takes a turn at the podium. Jackaay, Jaret and Vanessa do a great job despite some delusional questioning. The most off the wall question to one of them is probably from Yvette who asks Jackaay if the reason she doesnít like her is because she is beautiful or because Jackaay is jealous. How about a third choice, because you are a skanky ho? Jackaay being much more diplomatic said that Yvette is beautiful and she is not jealous of her.

    Jules and Niki donít do nearly as well. Jules per usual cannot stop talking. Niki, on the other hand, has a hard time getting a complete sentence out. Just as JW gets in the hot seat, we go to commercial.

    All Awful Things Must Come To An End

    JW manages to successfully duck Jabeís question about who does not deserve to win the competition by saying they all have just as much right to win. Jaret comments on what an awesome job he thought JW did.

    Brenden is the final victim and faces the toughest questions. He gets asked about stealing ideas from Vanessa and ends up getting all defensive and making excuses.

    Donny finally ends the press conference by congratulating the contestants on their answers. Kathy thanks them all and reminds them that no one is exempt from elimination.

    Back at the suite, Niki finally manages an entire sentence. Jules slaps Foreshadowing upside the head by saying that sheíll be upset if she goes home tonight. Jules and JW have a little verbal sparring match about what will happen if they end up as the final two. I preferred it when they werenít speaking to each other. Jaret is nervous because this will be the first elimination he has been involved in. Jackaay admits that she wonít be surprised if she is sent home since she is the only one left from Team Madison. Umm, Jackaay, Kathy makes the choices not the other contestants. This isnít Survivor.

    The contestants are all anxiously seated in the room when Kathy joins them. Kathy asks Jaret, Jules, and JW how they feel about their first trip to the deliberation room. They all admit to feeling nervous. Kathy says that this is the most difficult elimination yet. She then drops the bomb that three of them will be eliminated. The silence following her announcement is deafening.

    Forever In Blue Jeans

    Before getting down to the difficult stuff, Kathy acknowledges that it has been a tough week. You canít run from the press and you canít hide from them. She says that some of them performed well and some of them performed quite poorly at the press conference. When questioned, Vanessa says that she believes she incorporated what she learned from Susan in her answers. Jules says that she canít pick anyone else to go home instead of her. JW on the other hand is now ready to answer the question. He offers up Niki and refers to her stumbling at the press conference. Jackaay quickly backs him up.

    Perhaps in revenge, Niki decides to single out Jackaay. Kathy asks Brenden what was the hardest question for him. He responds that it was the questions about him being phony. There is then a whole tiff between the contestants about whether Brenden has an unfair advantage because as a golf caddy heís been exposed to the good life.

    Kathy next asks Jules what lessons sheís going to take with her from this experience. Jules seals her fate by responding that she doesnít think sheís made much of a transformation. Kathy turns to Jaret and comments that he has been quiet. He brings up the fact that Brenden told him they wonít be friends. Brenden tries to justify the statement but is not very successful.

    Kathy goes off to write her list and returns with the four names. The contestants hold hands. Kathy first announces that Jaret is on the list. The next person to be safe is Jackaay. Jaret pulls out a chair for her when she enters the dining room showing that he has taken the lessons to heart. The third person on the list is Vanessa. Jaret continues to play gentleman when she walks in. Kathy says that the lesson here is personal growth before putting the four remaining contestants out of their misery by informing them that JW is the last person on the list. When he comes into the dining room, Jackaay jokingly gets up to pull out his chair for him.

    The eliminated contestants appear to be in a little bit of shock. Brenden says that being in New York has been a wonderful experience for him. He admits that he tried to manipulate situations and that he didnít do it as well as he might have. He still seems bitter about the life he doesnít have. Niki is still stuck on the fact that she looks like Paris. Even that wonít help if you canít articulate a thought. Jules simply says that it hit her and it sucks.

    Kathy walks into the dining room and offers JW the chance to go say goodbye to Jules. Being a smart enough guy, he takes it. Jules gives JW a big goodbye hug and tells him to win it. The show ends with Kathy saying she would like to raise her glass to them and telling the final four how proud she is of them.

    Crunch Time

    Next week the final four compete in one last challenge. The winner will be declared and receive the $200,000 trust fund and an apartment for a year. If you are not too busy watching Big Brother, tune in to see who is the final name on the list.

    If you are as camera shy as I am, e-mail mariner@fansofrealitytv.com
    Last edited by Mariner; 07-31-2005 at 08:11 PM.

  2. #2
    eternal optimist Shazzer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariner
    I Want To Be A Hilton (7/26): The Paparazzi From Hell

    The press can be so annoying if you want to live a somewhat depraved lifestyle.

    Hereís a toast to not being famous and being able to slouch into the local Safeway or Albertsonís in peace.

    Jackaay is more than a little uncomfortable that she is the only remaining contestant from the original Team of Complete Losers Team Madison.

    Brenden does his best Gollum impersonation, rubbing his hands together (okay only in my head did he rub his hands together) and declaring that heís been waiting for the game to get dirty.

    When we get back from commercial, Kathy does not lunge at Jules with a butter knife as I had hoped.

    How about a third choice, because you are a skanky ho?

    Jules slaps Foreshadowing upside the head by saying that sheíll be upset if she goes home tonight.

    The silence following her announcement is deafening.
    Great job, Mariner! I liked your little un unh *pow pow* one-two punches of snark! As tasty as a cherry fruit pie! Magnifique! *kisses fingers, releases kiss into air*

    Favorite part: the opener. Yes, the ability to sneak into the grocery store whilst wearing a gunny sack (a HOT gunny sack, though ) is one of life's little treasures! Great job!
    "If you're like me, you have a 'been there, done that' attitude when it comes to paleolithic paleontology." - Jon Stewart

    "I swear, you are the ho-ho ho." - OTS

  3. #3
    Too cold to run away! Burntcrow's Avatar
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    I loved the intro too Mariner! I googled some applause for you!


  4. #4
    Cy Young 2010 Mariner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burntcrow
    I loved the intro too Mariner! I googled some applause for you!

    Awesome applause Burnt!

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