Tonight is the big night we’ve all been waiting for! New York has narrowed her second list of potential suitors down from twenty to just two, and tonight we get to find out who got picked, and who has to take the long walk of shame back home from Jamaica.

First we’re treated to a little recap of the season, but I think we’ve spent enough time on that, so lets get on to the new stuff!

Last week, New York said goodbye to Punk, leaving Tailor Made and Buddha to duke it out for her affection in the finale. Punk didn’t know what to say about being eliminated, Buddha tells us that he’s not sure how Tailor Made weaseled his way into the final two, and Tailor Made says that he needs to focus on making sure New York knows that he’s there for her. I think he’s said it about a thousand times, so she should really know that by now.

New York and the fellas fly from Miami to Jamaica, and drive out to the Grand Lido Resort, where New York reveals that the boys will be sharing a room while she checks in to her beachfront villa.

The gang meets for dinner at New York’s villa, and she is impressed with their “tropical” wear, which is pretty much slacks and button down shirts. Tropical, indeed. New York is dressed to impress in a super short, sparkly dress, and the guys appreciate that all her assets are on display. New York asks each of the guys if they love her, (which I find is always an excellent icebreaker), and Buddha says a curt “yes” while Tailor Made gives a speech about how much he cherishes her. New York asks Buddha if he is perfect for her, and he says “Hell yes!” and then remarks that Tailor Made is not perfect for her because she’s on his way up while he’s gone as far as he’s going to go. New York asks Tailor Made if he’s perfect for her, and Tailor Made replies: “You know… like… it’s just… we are distinctly different.” Wow- what a charmer. That man really has a way with words! Then he digs his grave deeper by saying “We complete each other,” and I just shake my head.

New York announces that she will be spending 24 whole hours with one guy, and then 24 whole hours with the other, and then she’ll make her decision. Tailor Made knows he needs to redeem himself with some private time, so he tells New York that he has a special gift for her, and asks if they can be alone so he can give it to her. Buddha leaves without a problem so that he doesn’t have to watch Tailor Made disgrace himself by groveling. And what is the big gift? A whole lot of nothing, or rather- a little jewelry box of nothing. Tailor Made tells New York that he didn’t have the chance to buy her anything, but he really wanted to be alone with her, so he pretended he had a gift. Surprisingly, New York is charmed by this, and agrees to go for a romantic walk along the beach, during which Tailor Made uses actual sentences that make sense and everyone is happy. Everyone but Buddha, who figures out after two hours that maybe Tailor Made is not groveling in disgrace.

The next day the guys get a note from New York telling them that since she got some extra time with Tailor Made the night before, she’ll be spending the day with Buddha. The note tells him to grab his swim trunks and meet her in an hour, and Buddha is very excited to see New York, spend time with her, and do some humping. That’s what he says, and I’ll bet the man gets what he wants.

New York and Buddha head out to a plantation and New York is worried about what they’re going to do. The hotel has arranged their day, so it’s a surprise to her. When she sees the horses, it turns into a terrifying surprise for her. New York doesn’t exactly love horses, as we learned from her dates with Flava Flav. She is super scared of the horses and absolutely does not want to ride one. Buddha tells us that she is just being dramatic, and somehow manages to talk her into getting on the horse. And then she finds out that she not only has to ride the horse, but she has to ride the horse as it walks through water! New York is so scared she’s crying, and she thinks the horse is growling at her, and it’s just a disaster until the ride is finally over.

Meanwhile, Tailor Made is back in the room freaking out. He’s very unhappy that New York is out with Buddha and he doesn’t know what they’re doing. He sits and drinks in his bathrobe, does a little crying, some praying and yelling of New York’s name from the patio. In the midst of all his antics, there is a knock on the door, and surprise, surprise- it’s Sister Patterson. I don’t know if Tailor Made is happy to see her, but I know I’m not. She tells him that she selected him because he has strength and character, that his strategy is not working, and then slaps him across the face. Weird. Even weirder is that Tailor Made really takes her words to heart, and we see him going to a jewelry store to buy New York a special gift. I hope it’s expensive!

Back to Buddha’s big date and it’s time to have some chow! New York is wearing sparkly dress # 2 (a yellow one this time), and is looking quite fetching, I guess. She tells Buddha that she’s concerned about him, and then asks him if he loves her. Honey, if you have to ask, you probably don’t want to hear the answer. Buddha tells her that he doesn’t think it’s possible to fall in love with someone in the span of three weeks, and that he loves her, but is not in love with her. Ooooh… so sorry, New York. Then he makes it even worse by telling her that he can’t love her yet because she doesn’t trust him 100%. New York doesn’t buy this, and there’s some yelling. Finally, Buddha asks her if she wants him to leave, she says yes, and he leaves. As usual, New York didn’t expect Buddha to actually leave, and is really hurt. How does she express it? By yelling “F*** you!” at his rapidly retrieving back. Of course, this makes him return to New York, and they have sex. Well, it’s implied that they do.

Tailor Made begins the next morning by praying again, and then gets ready for his date with New York. Unfortunately for him, New York is feeling especially close to Buddha after their special date, so it’s going to be an extra challenge for Tailor Made to make a good impression. The two head out to Rick’s Café, which is pretty stunning. There they see a lot of scantily clad men cliff diving, and Tailor Made decides that this will be a good way for him to impress New York. It works, and New York shrieks in excitement.

Back in the guys’ room, it’s Buddha’s turn to visit with Sister Patterson. They have the same conversation about Buddha’s anger that they’ve been having all season, and Sister Patterson reiterates that she does not believe Buddha has his anger under control. He tells her that he has mastered restraint, but the angry man inside him will never die.

It’s dinner time for Tailor Made and New York. Tailor Made thinks New York looks nice and her dress fits her well, which is kind of a weird compliment, but whatever. He opens up to her and tells her that he loves her, and she is blown away by her words. He tells New York that he has an actual gift for her, and then he gets down on one knee and proposes! Really! He has a ring and everything! New York is speechless and surprised, and then asks the question that I’ve been thinking: “How can you marry me?” Um, yeah- the guy is still married, so maybe he’s getting a little ahead of himself with this proposal. Tailor Made replies that he will be divorced very soon, and New York has to leave to think things over. Ultimately, Tailor Made doesn’t get an answer, and most likely he doesn’t get any sex either.

The next morning New York sends the guys watches and tells them that she will announce the “winner” that evening. Each man tells the other to enjoy the trip home, and New York walks alone on the beach with a glass of champagne. It’s all very dramatic.

Also very dramatic? The scene at the final elimination ceremony. There are so many torches that I half expect Jeff Probst to walk out at any moment. Sadly, this does not happen. New York and her mom stand in front of the men, and New York gives a speech thanking her mom for being there for her, and helping her through this process, but ultimately she needs to make this decision for herself. Sister Patterson addresses the men, and tells them both men fought their way to the top, and one deserves to be there and one does not. She hopes that the best man wins, and then Sister Pat is off.

New York tells Tailor Made and Buddha that they are both special, and that they have two very different personalities, and different pros. She then pulls out the engagement ring Tailor Made presented the night before and asks Buddha if he’s in love with her. Buddha smirks because he thinks she is going to propose to him, and then he tells her that he is in love. New York announces that Tailor Made proposed to her, but that she can’t accept his proposal right now. She believed Buddha when he said he wasn’t there for the cameras, and then states that she loves him… she’s just not in love with him. Aw, snap! Then she says she’s in love with Tailor Made, and that if he loves her, and honors her wishes, they will be married within 24 months.

Wow! Not really a surprise ending, but kind of a nice one nonetheless. I can’t wait until the reunion show!