Last week we lost some eye candy in the form of Buddha, who got nixed for fighting, but somehow Tailor Made stayed in the game, even after spitting on one of the other guys. Spitting! One would think that spitting would be a deal breaker with New York after her experience on Flavor of Love, but apparently she is okay as long as she is not the one being spit on.
Tonight the guys start off with a special note from New York asking the them to each grab the one item that means the most to them, and meet her in the great hall. The guy who impresses her the most with his devotion will win the prize.
Does the psychic know how I feel about this show?
The great hall is decorated for Halloween, er… a devotion ceremony. New York tells the guys to offer up their items to please the gods, and the one who sacrifices the most will win a romantic date with her. I think being on this show and humiliating themselves on cable would be enough of a sacrifice, but I guess not for New York. Then, after the sacrifices, all the guys will be signing a blood oath to declare their dedication to New York. Really? A blood oath seems kind of… crazy to me. Am I the only one here?
New York introduces her spiritual guide Lori, and whoa. Did someone say crazy? Lori tells the men that the blood oath is very serious, and then says that there are 16 wandering souls in the house right now, and they are all talking through her mind. Oookay.
And what do the guys offer up? The Entertainer gives a scarf that was made for him by his second family- a group of children with Down Syndrome that he works with. New York asks Lori for her vibe, and Lori announces that The Entertainer is not a pervert. Yeah, okay. Mr. Wise offers a picture that his dad painted of him, Pretty gives a tie that President Clinton gave him off his own neck. Wolf gives his frat ring, and then solemnly swears that he is well endowed. Hmmm… I wonder if Lori can intuit that type of thing too?
Punk offers his deceased’s father’s gold wrist watch. His father passed away four years previously and had always wanted to be attend Harvard Law School and become a lawyer himself. He passed away just days before Punk received his acceptance letter into Harvard Law and Punk carries the watch with him to remind him of his father. Now, this is a really nice and sweet story, and I am hoping against hope that New York does not take this man’s watch, but seriously? Is some crazy reality TV sacrifice/ blood oath ceremony really worth giving up something that important? I say no. Oh good- New York acts like a decent person and tells Punk to keep the watch.
It is up next, and I’m sure he will be completely on the level with his sacrifice, explanation and oath. He pulls out a wallet that belonged to his grandmother who travels through Egypt, and then a ring from his father, which his mother used for a driving lesson, and she fell and she had it a second time and she passed. And there’s a lot of jewelry that his father has in the house and some of it he carries and… other things. Okay, I know that didn’t make any sense at all, but I ran the recording back 4 times and that’s what I got. To her credit, New York didn’t understand either, and tells us that she wished It was not so dumb. I wish she had cut him loose weeks ago, but then I guess I would have missed that touching story about the ring and… other things. It’s oath states that he swears that he is as crazy as he appears, and he is not an actor playing the part of a mental patient. He tells New York that he cannot sign his blood to that, and that he doesn’t know if he is there for New York. And the spiritual stuff freaks him out.
Midget Mac follows It, and offers pictures of his daughters, and tells New York that his youngest daughter’s mother died just 4 months ago from an enlarged heart. Another sad story, and New York is kind to him, but is worried that he might not be over the death. That occurred only 4 months earlier. 4 months!
Moving on, it’s time for Tailor Made, and as he kneels down in front of New York, I really think he’s going to cry. He knows that he is in trouble, so he had better make this sacrifice good. I’m sure New York would appreciate a huge pile of money. Instead he presents a picture of his daughter Asia, and New York is not impressed. Tailor Made’s oath states that he is there for New York and is not a snitch. He tells us that he’s not a snitch… outside the house. As he reads his oath aloud, Lori shakes her head, and then tells him she would think twice about signing it. Tailor Made signs it anyway, and all of the guys shake their heads in disbelief and can’t believe that he signed the thing. Then Tailor Made declares that he loves New York and again looks like he’s going to cry.
New York loves the meat.
New York is stressed out about all the tomfoolery and lying that’s going on in the house, so she decides to take the guys out to her favorite eatery- Dakota’s Steak House. She announces that Punk won the date because he touched her with his offer of the watch. And she probably hopes he’ll touch her with something else on their date.
Tailor Made thinks it’s a good idea to “start over” with the other guys by making a toast about how they are all there because of their love for New York. New York thanks him for his kind words, and then pulls out a letter that she received earlier that day. She asks Punk to read the letter, and it turns out that someone hates Tailor Made a lot, (other than me). The letter talks about all of Tailor Made’s negative qualities, and then calls him the “physical manifestation of everything I hate in this world.” The letter goes on to, I think, blame Tailor Made for everything bad that has happened in the world ever, and it’s pretty clear that this letter is from Buddha.
Wolf thinks that New York was smart in picking Punk to read the letter, because it’s full of big words and complicated concepts, and Punk is a Harvard man. Well Wolf, I guess it wouldn’t really be fair if you were blessed with both a big brain and a big package so that’s okay.
New York announces that she feels robbed since she had to send Buddha home and I agree and hope she brings him back. And I hope he forgets to bring a shirt.
C’mon now- it’s been 4 whole months!
After the drama from the letter, New York asks Midget Mac to step outside with her for a cigarette break. She tells him she thinks it’s important for them to spend some time alone together so that they can talk about Midget Mac’s painful past. New York knows that Midget Mac has not dated anyone since his baby’s mom died, and she’s worried that he’s not ready to move on. And it has been 4 months already! Jeez, guy- stop living in the past! Midget Mac says that he’s ready to date the right person, but New York isn’t sure she believes him.
New York calls Midget Mac her breath of fresh air in the house, and then says, and this is verbatim; “I’ve never dated a small person before, but with him I feel… good.” Well, that’s… nice. She and Midget Mac share a kiss, and New York tells us that “Midget Mac was a great kisser for a person with such small lips, a small tongue, small teeth, a small head and face.” Awww, excuse me for a moment while I wipe a tear out of my eye.
Back at the table, New York wants to hear what the guys thought of the blood oath. She asks It why he refused to sign, and he says that it slipped her mind. He says a lot of other crazy stuff too that doesn’t make any sense, and then finishes up by saying “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” I’m sure that’s going to go over well.
Tailor Made should not have signed that oath!
Back at the house, Tailor Made corners New York and tries to have a moment with her, but is quickly shut down. New York tells him her feelings for him have cooled off in a big way and he needs to give her some space. Luckily for Tailor Made, all the sudden, the lights go out and she runs to him because she’s scared. Apparently the camera lights that are illuminating the whole scene are not enough for her.
The crew gathers everybody in one room until they can get the lights figured out, and everyone just knows that there are evil spirits in the house, ready to wreak havoc because some people, (I’m looking at you, Tailor Made), signed oaths that were lies. A sconce falls off the wall and breaks, and New York runs screaming from the house. She knows that her friend Lori stirred some negative spirits up, and she doesn’t want to have anything to do with them.
The Entertainer explains to us what happened- the light under the bar broke, and then all of the stuff fell off the fireplace mantel, and then says that all this stuff happened, but it can’t be explained. No, I’m sure there is not possible way that the crew set up all this scariness to make for an interesting episode. That explanation is not at all possible.
The guys all blame Tailor Made for lying on his oath, and New York refuses to stay in the house and jets off to a fancy hotel.
So, who brought this helmet into the house?
The freakiness continues in the house. The guys hear strange voices, things break and The Entertainer tells the spirits to “bring it on!” Then he flips out and decides that he needs to wear a helmet to bed so he won’t get hurt. And then stays awake all night because he thinks he hears voices.
Meanwhile, Tailor Made is sleeping like a baby on one of the couches. He’s cool because he doesn’t believe in all of that “spiritual malarkey.”
The next day, the scariness is done and it’s time for Punk’s special date with New York. The pair head out to the Bungalow Club, and New York asks him why he came all the way across the country to come out and see her. Punk basically tells her that the time was right, and he had a gap in his workload, so it was all convenient. Then he tells her that his idea of a great evening consists of cuddling and popcorn.
Punk is worried that he doesn’t seem edgy enough to New York, so he decides to lurch across the table and stick his tongue down her throat… right after she’s just taken a drag on her cigarette. New York has to interrupt the sexy moment to blow out the smoke, but after that she very much enjoys the kissing. She asks him if he would be able to make love to her all night long, and of course he says yes, and I think he’s going to get his chance to prove it to her soon.
What a waste of a perfectly good drink.
Back at the house, the rest of the guys are having a fiesta pool party. Everyone is having a great time, until a special guest arrives… Sister Patterson.
Sister Pat checks in with Tailor Made to see how his game is going, and he tells her that things are better in the house because he’s decided not to act so despicable. Mama agrees that he acted despicable, but thinks it was okay, because he was just trying to show his love for New York.
Mama asks The Entertainer why he is there, and he tells her that he’s trying to win New York, and then slips in that the psychic did not think he is a pervert. Then he declares that Sister Pat called him a child molester at some point, and she completely denies this, but he keeps pushing. The Entertainer tells Mama that she is the only mother in the world who does not like him, so that says something about her, not about him, and Mama throws her drink all over him. With that, the conversation is over.
It’s time for another Elimination Ceremony, and there are just so many guys I want to see go home, that I have no idea how New York is going to pick. New York starts off by telling the guys that she is looking for her one true love, and she has to do it her own way.
The first chain goes to Punk, then Tailor Made, (what????), Mr. Wise, Pretty, Wolf and The Entertainer. This leaves one chain and two men standing- It and Midget Mac. And the chain goes to… neither one! Midget Mac gets the boot because New York thinks he needs to take more time to grieve and is not ready to date anyone. She hugs him goodbye and starts crying because she bonded with him and it hurts her to let him go. It gets the boot because he is all sorts of crazy, but was not crazy enough to sign the blood oath. New York thinks he might be an actor, and if he is, it’s sad that she never got to know the real him, and if he’s not- well, she could never date such an idiot.
So, now there’s one chain left, so as New York says, obviously there’s more business. New York wants to take back control over her house, so she’s going to bring somebody back. Not surprisingly, it’s Buddha, and while I’m glad to see him, most of the other guys don’t look like they are.
Tune in next week to see Mr. Boston talk about how he is an expert at figuring out what New York likes to put in her mouth!