Well, I for one cannot wait until tonight’s I Love New York reunion. Last week’s finale show was just crazy enough, and the ending was just surprising enough that I think this reunion show will be rife with drama and craziness. I also think some of the guys have bones to pick with each other, and I only hope no one gets hurt.
Three years of humiliation.
New York has been looking for a man on TV for the past three years. We see her getting rejected (twice) by Flava Flav, and then accepted in a big way by Tango as he proposes to her.
Host La La introduces all the guys and I can honestly say that I don’t remember quite a few of them. Rico, Pootie and Jersey are all missing, because one has issues, one is on crutches, and one is in jail. Intriguing, because I was going to guess Pootie was the one with the issues, until La La said the thing about one of them being in jail. That could definitely be him as well. I hope New York doesn’t find out, because you know how she likes those thugs!
I've also heard he won some awards for his audition tape.
New York comes out on stage to much applause, and she seems… different somehow. Hmmm… maybe it’s her new gi-normous fake breasts and tiny, short skirt. New York thinks that her show was so popular because people wanted to see if “this crazy ass bitch” could find love.
La La comments that a lot of the guys in the house got emotional, and then brings Romance, possibly the most emotional male participant in a reality TV dating show ever, to the front of the stage to the hot seat. Romance is sporting some new two toned hair and sunglasses, and unfortunately we’ve got to see some footage of his craziness. Apparently, Romance made a bigger connection with New York’s dog than he did New York.
Romance tells us that he really loved that dog, and he treated her like he would any woman, by making sure her water dish was always full and taking her for walkies whenever she needed it. La La announces that Romance has a question for New York, and he mentions that when he left he tried to tell her that 12 Pack was just in it for the publicity, but he’s interrupted by New York who tells him to talk about himself, not 12 Pack., because 12 Pack lasted a heck of a lot longer that Romance did in this competition.
Uh, oh. This starts a portion of the show that is just no good at all. The “Seriously, if you didn’t think this guy was crazy before, you certainly will now,” portion. Romance agrees that he was cut before 12 Pack, but then pulls out a stack of magazines, throws them on the floor and shouts that he was in all of them. Ooookay. New York is (sarcastically) impressed with the lamination, and he tells her that these magazine offers came at least a month after he was kicked off the show.
Now the swearing begins, and Romance and New York both stand up so we know they’re serious about this fight. New York calls Romance “Cruella De Ville” and asks where his money is if he’s so famous and sought after now, and he answers by telling New York she doesn’t have s*** on him, and he has more carrots than the Easter Bunny. Oh, probably he meant carats, although I don’t think the Easter Bunny is really known for his bling.
More Mama drama.
Remember how nice New York’s mom was to all the guys? If not, here’s all the footage. I guess that means she’s coming out soon, Yippee.
Mama New York knows that she was right in the end, and is very happy that New York didn’t pick Chance. Then she calls out Onyx for calling her a hypocrite. Onyx tells her he did not think she was a hypocrite, just putting on for the camera. Mama insists this is not true, and the Lord brought her there and made her shriek like a fool. She then gives the audience some advice, saying that any man has to love your mommy and anything else you bring to the table.
I’m not kidding- I would go see these guys in a heartbeat!
La La announces that it’s time to catch up with 12 Pack and Heat, and I wonder if they’re going to announce that they just bought some nice property in Key West together or something. Also, I’d like to point out that Heat is wearing a fancy, sleeveless blazer. That’s right- sleeveless blazer.
Apparently, Heat and 12 Pack are in high demand with ladies all over the country, so they started a tour and call themselves “The Party Boys.” Then we get to see a video of their act, and just… oh my God. Their show seems to consist of the two of them in boxer shorts, wearing inflated boxing gloves, sunglasses and silly hats and dancing. It’s just incredible, and I really wonder when those guys are coming to my town.
Heat reminds us that New York insulted his mother and Yaya, and just in case we don’t know how badly she pissed them off, they videotaped a classy video for her where Yaya tells her she knows nothing about family, and Heat’s mom calls her a “f*****g bitch.” Oh, and then 150 year old Yaya tells her she wants to beat her up! Yowza, these people are hardcore!
Stallionaires. I just wanted to write that one last time.
Wow, New York did a lot of making out with Real, and we get to see footage of it all. I guess it’s time for Real and Chance to come out and act like thugs on camera for one last time.
The guys have been in the studio 24/7, and have been doing something with horses. I think. Both of them are talking at once, and I can only pick up words here and there. When asked about their album, Chance says they were not on the show to talk about the album; they were on the show because of New York. Then they do that annoying talking at the same time thing again, and I think the gist of what they were saying was they’ve both stolen many girls from each other. Or shared many girls- I couldn’t quite tell which.
We all know that Chance was great at causing conflict in the house, and we see a lot of his altercations with Mr. Boston, culminating with the two in the boxing ring when Chance kicked Mr. Boston’s ass. I will say one thing about Mr. Boston, and that is he did not back down. No matter what Chance was screaming in his face, or threatening him with, he hardly even flinched. Yes, he’s creepy, but he knows how to stand up for himself.
Yep- still creepy.
Speaking of Mr. Boston… La La asks Real to give up his seat so that we can see what’s up with Mr. Boston, and maybe watch Chance bloody his nose again. Mr. Boston walks out onto the stage in a nice blue shirt and some darker hair, and kisses New York hello. She still thinks he’s the best kisser in the house, and then La La tells her that this is not Mr. Boston… it’s his identical brother Ben!
Ben tells a disturbing story about how he picked up a woman because she thought he was Mr. Boston, then brought the woman home where she met the real Mr. Boston, and then offered the guys a threesome. We don’t get to hear if they took this lady up on her offer, and for small things, I am grateful.
Mr. Boston admits that he and Chance are not best friends, and that he’s been going to the gym every day and has put on 5 pounds of muscle. He thinks he could take Chance in a rematch, and when La La asks Chance what he thinks, he asks her if he should knock Mr. Boston out right now.
La La asks Mr. Boston about his love life, and he tells her that with his new found celebrity, all the ladies want to know him, and he managed to meet a D List celebrity (kind of like him), who is really feeling the Boston charm. Then he says something about their sex life, and I just don’t want to hear it. Then La La brings the woman out, and it’s… Pumkin from Flavor of Love Season 1 (remember the woman who spit on New York? Yeah- didn’t think you’d be able to forget that one), and I really don’t want to heat any more. And I certainly don’t want to see them kissing!
I’m glad the guy had some friends.
New York gets a little break from the stage so that we get some private time with Tango. He tells us he managed to make some friends in the house- especially Mr. Boston who really knew how to take a beating. Onyx was also a friend, along with Trendz. Yeah, Tango made some friends, but he also made some enemies, namely Whiteboy, Real and Chance.
After we see some clips of Tango tussling with the crazies, T-Money (who got cut the first night and I guess finally wants some face time) stands up, asks Tango if this scares him, then proceeds to do a crazy, ranting impersonation of Chance yelling incoherently while jumping up and down. Well. I hope T-Money has a body guard or some security, because I think Chance and Real are going to roll him in the parking lot.
And I thought Whiteboy was so chill!
La La asks Tango about the feud he has with Tango and reminds him that they’re both from Florida. Tango tells her that there was only one true Florida man in the house, and it sure wasn’t Whiteboy. I guess I never knew being from Florida gave a person street cred.
Whiteboy tells Tango to back up his claim and take off his jacket, (I’m not really sure why, but I’m a lover, not a fighter. I’m also not from Florida). Tango says that he’s not here to talk with Whiteboy, and there’s always the parking lot, but he knows he’s got all of Florida backing him up. Whiteboy tells him he’s never seen him in Florida. Um… Florida is a pretty big state, Whiteboy.
How could there not be a fight?
La La wants to bring Chance forward to discuss his feelings about Tango and the way the ending played out, but she doesn’t want any fighting between the two of them. Yeah, fat chance, La La. Did you even watch this show? When asked if New York picked the right man, Chance mumbles something about a turtle shell. Tango comes back with a zinger of his own about how he doesn’t understand how someone who is such a JJ Walker- looking ass can run his mouth, and it just deteriorates from there. Chance is stuck on the Ninja Turtle reference, which I have to say I’ve just never understood- does Tango look like a Ninja Turtle? Talk like one? I just don’t get it.
Shockingly, the arguing and shouting escalates to the point where both men have to be restrained by security, and I’m really worried that Tango is going to lose his very saggy pants. Then Whiteboy decides to get into it and has to be restrained as well, and Tango threatens to give everyone a Tampa Bay ass-whuppin, to which Chance replies “ You sound dumb.” Indeed.
Alone again, naturally.
It’s the moment we’ve been waiting for since the end of last week’s season finale show- Tango and New York are reunited at last! They greet each other enthusiastically, and Tango comments on the changes to her body, (he likes them), and New York says it’s a pleasure to see him. Then she starts to cry as she tells us she picked him because he was the perfect fit.
New York spells out the reasons she chose Tango, and Chance tells her she had to do what she had to do, and the two of them are cool. He just wants her to be happy, which is nice, but probably insincere.
Remember how Tango asked New York to marry him, and she said yes? La La asks him if the proposal was for real, and he hems and haws a little bit, and then tells La La he needs to direct some comments to New York. Then he sits on the arm of the couch, and asks her if they can talk, which is relationship speak for “babe- you’re about to get dumped on television. For the third time.”
Tango tells New York he came on the show to try to get to know Tiffany. It was hard to have to fight off the other guys, but he didn’t know why he had to take it from New York too. When he watched the show, he was very unhappy with the comments she made about his mother, and things she said about him. He tells her that he loves Tiffany, but he isn’t feeling New York. He’s done with New York- he proposed to Tiffany, but he got New York. He watched New York disrespect him, and watched her disrespect his mother, and no one does that to Tango and his family. He dramatically announces that it’s over, and storms off the stage in a flurry of cussing.
New York tells Chance she should have chosen him, and he agrees, telling her he would not have done this at the reunion show. Then New York screams for a while, and then starts to cry. Chance tells her not to cry, and she repeats that she should have chosen him, and then amends it to say that maybe next time around she should be a bit more discerning, and next time around she’s not going to give up her heart to the first thug who comes along.
Well, this was certainly an eventful reunion show, and I’m guessing by the outcome that we have another season of I Love New York to look forward to. I’ll definitely see you there!