I Love New York 4/2 Recap- Will This Finale Be Tango-Shebango or Chancerrific?

[SueEllenMishke]

It’s finally here… that special night we’ve waited seven months for. Tonight New York will choose her one true love, and will finally push the memory of Flava Flav and his grill out of her mind for good. Will it be Tango or Chance? Let’s find out.

Do you know how many times I’ve accidentally typed “Tango and Cash” this season?
First we’re treated to a three minute montage of all the best moments from the season, including lots of making out, the time New York confronted 12 Pack for working in a gay male strip club, and a ton of footage of Chance yelling and acting like a fool. Oh, and then some more making out.

New York makes Tango and Chance get up really, really early in the morning to pack and leave for Mexico. Chance is feeling a little lost because his brother was eliminated, and Tango is feeling hopeful that Chance will get thrown in a Mexican prison on their trip.

The threesome heads out to Playa Del Carmen, Mexico and are greeted at the hotel by a bevy of good looking dancers. The fellas head to their room to freshen up for dinner, and Tango comments that it’s hard to keep it sexy when it’s 100 degrees outside. As I write this, it’s 28 degrees outside, so I don’t have much sympathy for him and his unsexiness. Tango’s goal is to look better than Chance, so I guess he’d better leave his Stallionaires t-shirt in the room.

Some people just don’t know anything about acceptable dinner conversation.
The guys meet New York for a fancy dinner on the patio, and New York starts out by asking Chance why he thinks Tango made it to the finals. Chance doesn’t f*****g know, and thinks his brother should be his competition. He’s mad that his brother got beat by a “big ass ape.” New York poses the question to Tango who is much more diplomatic when he replies that Chance is honest and he’ll never let anyone make him do something he doesn’t want to do. New York doesn’t like this answer, and calls Tango out. She reminds him that when she had lunch with his mother, he told her that Chance was one of the fakest men in the house. This causes a crazy outburst of expletives, nonsense and threats from Chance, and I think there’s about to be a throwdown.

New York allows the yelling to go on for a while, then tries to break it up by screeching at Tango and Chance. Chance is so mad that he breaks a glass, and when the security guy tries to calm him down, he yells something about banana trees. Wow. I sure hope the security guy has a tranquilizer gun or something, or this is going to be a bad night!

New York starts to cry and tells Chance to calm down. Now, New York has known Chance for a little while, so I just wonder what she thought would happen if she mentioned what Tango said. Did she think Chance would be all mature and not crazy? That they would discuss it like adults? Or did she know that Chance would go nuts, kick the table and get alcohol and food all over Tango, and then yell at him demanding his home address so that he can come over and kick his ass at a later date? If she thought the second option, then she’s right because, that’s what happened.

I wish I knew what he was saying!
The fight goes on and on and on- Chance threatens to cut Tango, Tango threatens to break Chance in two, and New York hides and probably regrets starting the conversation in the first place. Meanwhile the security guards are trying to diffuse the situation and appeal to Tango, (since he’s not the crazy one), but Chance crossed the line when he kicked the table, and Tango is all kinds of pissed at him.

The men finally sit down at the table, and New York announces that the next day she will take one of the men out for an all day- all night date, and the day after that it’s the other guy’s turn. She also wisely decides to give them separate rooms because she probably doesn’t want any murder in Mexico on her conscience. Strangely enough, the announcement of the plans causes Chance to let loose with another bunch of expletives and gibberish, and New York tells them sternly that she was hoping for a nice dinner, until she asked questions that were sure to incite the guys and turn them against each other, of course.

Watch your furry eyelashes!
The next morning, Tango gets a special room service delivery with a note telling him he’s in for a fun filled day and night with New York. He puts on his swimsuit and meets her at the marina where they board a beautiful yacht. New York mentions that this is the first time she and Tango have ever been alone, and Tango tells her he thought of her all night, and feels hella good that they’re together.

It’s kind of windy on the boat, and New York is having some trouble with her eyelashes. Her fake eyelashes, that is. They’re actually blowing off, and this is apparently a huge crisis because she paid good money for them and they are real “fur.” She shrieks at Tango and tells him not to look at her because she is humiliated by her embarrassing eyelash situation, but he just laughs. She eventually puts on sunglasses, and the date progresses without any other eyelash incidents.

New York and Tango stop at a secluded island for lunch. New York admits that she likes to eat, and Tango asks her to take a bite of his sandwich. I think “sandwich” was a euphemism for something else, but New York loves her food, and takes a big bite out of his sandwich. There’s some talking, and then the expected make-out session.

Back at the resort, Tango meets New York for a final, romantic dinner, and she dresses for the occasion in a dress she found in the children’s department. They eat, grope, and New York invites Tango back to her room for a nightcap. She wants to make sure Tango knows how to get his sexy on, and I just hope they don’t show too much of it.

Are dolphins scary?
The next day is Chance’s turn, and New York has big plans for the two of them that involve some special friends. He puts on his swimsuit and heads out to meet New York, but is kind of worried about all the animals he sees. There are lizards and freaky spiders, and when he sees New York she’s standing in front of a bunch of dolphins. The two will be swimming with the dolphins, but New York tells Chance she doesn’t swim, which could be a problem. They get in the water, and New York enjoys the experience until “that son-of-a-bitch dolphin” splashes her with water. Chance refers to the dolphins as “water dogs,” and New York tries to swim with them, but becomes so terrified, she starts to cry. After Chance berates her for a while, she finally gives it a chance and enjoys it. And, she’s happy with Chance for forcing her to do it.

After the scary dolphins, New York and Chance meet for dinner. Chance surprises New York with a romantic Mariachi band and comments that he can’t imagine anything more romantic than this. Oh yeah, Mariachi= romance, every time. New York loves it, and she is having a great time with Chance, but she’s worried because he reminds her of Flava Flav, and she doesn’t want to get hurt again. Or for the third time.

The two head back to New York’s room, where she slips into something comfortable from Frederick’s of Hollywood, and once again I am pleased that we don’t have to see their evening activities.

That’s a pretty small jewelry box there, Tango.
New York sends the guys back to the US so that she can be alone with her thoughts in Mexico, but joins them the next day for the final Elimination Ceremony.

Chance goes suit shopping because he is determined to wow New York and show a side of himself that she’s never seen before. Tango goes jewelry shopping, because he wants to find something special for New York and wow her with one final display of affection before the Elimination. After the shopping, the men dress up in their finest clothes and get ready to face the music.

Back at the mansion, New York cries to her mother about the decision she has to make. Sister Patterson tries one last time to tell New York how she feels about Chance, and calls him a liar, untrustworthy, a punk, and idiot, too loud, childish, and tells her that he’s only presentable at a circus. New York tells her mom not to tear down a good man, and then shows her the door.

Whaaaa? Is he serious??
The men pull up in their limos, walk into the house and stand side by side quietly. I hope New York comes out soon, because if these two guys have to stand next to each other for very long, I think there will be a brawl.

New York comes down the stairs, and asks her mom to wait outside. Sister Pat is a little worried about this, because she thinks it means there’s a good chance New York will pick Chance, and if that happens, she’ll have to kill him.

New York tells Tango that he’s her rock, and no matter what happens, he always has her back. They complete each other, but they’re opposites. Chance is her fire- he makes her love life. He tears her up at times, but they are totally alike. She’s torn between what her heart wants and what her heart needs, and ultimately picks Tango because she needs a rock.

Chance seems a little confused about what happened, so New York has to repeat her choice, then asks Chance to give her some love. He begrudgingly offers her a hug, and I’ll bet he is kicking himself for not taking the money from Sister Pat when he had the chance! She asks for his hands, and then touches his face, and he gets some respect from me when he tells her that she has lips and doesn’t need his, and she made her decision.

Chance walks out and is met by an excited Sister Patterson who tells him he should have taken the money when she offered it to him. He tells her he feels like a fool, then gets into the limo and says a bunch of horrible things about New York that I only get the gist of since most of it is bleeped out.

Back in the mansion, New York presents Tango with the last necklace, and Tango replies by getting down on one knee and asking her to marry him. She jumps around for a while, then says yes, and then freaks out a little bit about it and asks Tango to go over the rules of marriage. He asks her to be grown up without being grown up, and I actually feel major warm fuzzies toward the two of them.

Well! What a season, and what an ending! Tune in next week for the reunion show. I hope they have a lot of security!

[Google]

 

[Yardgnome]

Originally Posted by SueEllenMishke

Are dolphins scary?

I once met a man who swam with dolphins and kissed them. He thought the dolphins liked him more then his wife because maybe they thought his cologne was nice. True story. So I guess sometimes they are?

Wonderful recap, SEM! It was a fun season and I was a little shocked she selected Tango over Chance.

[roseskid]

Originally Posted by SueEllenMishke

Do you know how many times I’ve accidentally typed “Tango and Cash” this season?

As I write this, it’s 28 degrees outside, so I don’t have much sympathy for him and his unsexiness.

...and I think there’s about to be a throwdown.

Or did she know that Chance would go nuts, kick the table and get alcohol and food all over Tango, and then yell at him demanding his home address so that he can come over and kick his ass at a later date?

I think “sandwich” was a euphemism for something else, but New York loves her food, and takes a big bite out of his sandwich.

She wants to make sure Tango knows how to get his sexy on, and I just hope they don’t show too much of it.

Oh yeah, Mariachi= romance, every time.

...because she thinks it means there’s a good chance New York will pick Chance, and if that happens, she’ll have to kill him.

Tune in next week for the reunion show. I hope they have a lot of security!

I had no idea this show was so hilarious, or is that just your recapping skills (and Gnomie's)? I laughed out loud through the whole thing. Great job, kiddo.

[Star15]

Great recap....but you left out the part where New York has eyelash problems AGAIN on the 2nd date. Not sure what happened, just remember seeing them laying on the deck when they were swimming with the "son-of-a-bitch dolphins". Hehe...that girl really is funny!

[jasmine jones]

New York Girl U Need To Find A Real Men

[Ellen]

No, New York needs to grow up and behave like a strong woman (not a childish bitchy shrew with entitlement issues); then a real man will find her.

[LLSmoothJ]

Originally Posted by Ellen

No, New York needs to grow up and behave like a strong woman (not a childish bitchy shrew with entitlement issues); then a real man will find her.

And stop being fake with the weave and fake lashes among other things, but we all know the odds of that happening are the same as Nicole Richie being seen at an all-you-can-eat buffet.