The following events took place 24 hours after me and “THE GUY” are shown sailing away into the sunset.
At Candlestick Park (it will always be Candlestick to me), I went on record saying that I didn't think there were any “good” ones left in San Francisco. A few weeks later, I was close to having to eat my words (what’s a little crow here and there) as I found myself basking in the glow of a new relationship. There I was exchanging cute TMs, planning dates, talking to friends about my new “boyfriend” --behind his back of course! Yep, bring an airplane baggie…
And then, 5 weeks happened. He proposed a trip to Tahoe. He found the cabin with fireplace, did re-con on the weather, and talked about what he would make for breakfast. Aghhh, a full-blown mini break holiday, a chance to celebrate the end of filming with a camera-crew free weekend.
I noticed our first “hiccup” on the drive up when he made some passing remark about possibly moving from the Bay Area (err, hold the phone, was he trying to tell me not to get too comfortable?). After about 15 minutes of silence so thick it resembled a June day in San Francisco, I broached the subject, asking directly “are you trying to tell me something?” Boyfriend denied that was his intent, quickly working to make amends. The conversation soon turned over to deeper subjects, like getting past walls and starting to be vulnerable. I suggested that I was sensing a well-guarded fortress (memo to me: any time you have to resort to quantum tunneling to get your Boyfriend to open up, you might as well start sending out the e-vites to your break-up party.)
Boyfriend, who is a blogger, had posted an unsettling message about honestly earlier that week. The exchange went a little something like this:
----- Original Message ----
Sent: Thursday, March 16, 2006 2:11:10 PM
Ok, so I really mean it this time that I’m done reading your site (is there some way to child-proof it for me?). I feel like I’m getting two versions of you, or maybe I'm just getting some honest to himself but not me (or is it honest to me but not himself) version and the blog gets another. Anyway, today made me think that my first instinct was right: you should never read the diary of the guy you are dating. Way too many lines to read between.
Date: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 14:22:47 -0800 (PST)
Those remarks about honesty were written in a historical context. Or in the abstract at least.
At the time, I thought I was asking Boyfriend a direct question: Is there something I should know? But, in fact, I was beating around the bush. While most humane men would, given this clear opportunity, express an interest in dumping Girlfriend (or, at a minimum, letting Girlfriend in on the fact that perhaps this wasn’t the best time for a romantic trip), the bad guy will not. No, the bad guy will hold on longer. In fact, he will hold on until he is good and done with you, even if it means that you’ll be far away from home when that time comes.
But I digress. Back to the car-fight. At the end of our somewhat uncomfortable discussion, Boyfriend turned down the music and declared that he actually was glad we had “the fight” because it allowed us to “reset” our relationship, to have a good talk about what was on our minds. Damn. Sounded good to me. I dubbed it relationship growing pains, plopped another CD in the stereo, and headed down the road of oblivion (this is foreshadowing).
The rest of the drive passed without incident. Well, I thought it did, but apparently my nervous “are you lost?” comment 4 hours later was the almost-death knell of the relationship (I didn't actually know that until the next day when I heard the sounds myself). He shrugged me off, but did stop at the 7-11 to get a check on our bearing. Turns out, we were 4 miles from the cabin.
The rest of the night passed pleasantly enough, with Boyfriend performing some magic tricks (the next day he performed one that’s even more impressive by turning into something else all together—but, I’m getting ahead of myself)
The next day me, Boyfriend, and Boyfriend’s friend, who joined us for the day, all headed up to Squaw Valley. I’m a blue kinda boarder and Boyfriend is a black diamond skier. I made an offer to let them ski together without me. Boyfriend didn’t even argue. Yeah, I get it now: BAD SIGN.
Anyway, after entertaining myself for hours on the slopes (thank God I remembered the IPOD), I met Boyfriend and Friend for lunch. Boyfriend was a little distant-- to be fair, it wasn’t just from me, he kept the check at arms-length as well. I paid, tabulating in my mind that I had also paid for gas on the way up, the groceries and the lift tickets for all three of us (I was sure at some point he was going to offer to pick up the tab for something).
By late afternoon, Boyfriend’s mood had improved and he was very sweet and cuddly, telling me that Friend thinks I'm “really cool.” Right about now, I'm thinking to myself: “yes! Friend nod of approval, I’m practically home free.”
After cozying up by the fire, we head back to the cabin, fix snacks, and lounge around. Friend (a newlywed of 6 months) and I fall into a great conversation about love, life, music, etc. Boyfriend nods in and out of consciousness like a narcoleptic. At some point I bring up Harry Potter. Boyfriend, who has until this time been a lump on a log, interjects: “read the first one, it sucked.” Hmm, what’s that expression, “if you don't have anything nice to say...”
Well, slightly defensive about a series of books that I have pledged my undying loyalty to, I suggested that Boyfriend might not like HP because he seems to pride himself on being anti-mainstream. If you don’t believe me, you should see his purposefully obscure music list (my brother, in a protective moment, suggests that Boyfriend is in search of cool). He’s a collector of odd underground bands with singers who don't enunciate (seriously, couldn’t understand a damn lyric on the drive up).
Boyfriend lashes out and suggests that I stay elsewhere for the night-- his excuse later is that “he just wanted it to stop”. Actually, what he said is that we needed to “reset the miserable weekend.” I’m noticing that Boyfriend, a computer programmer, uses that phrase a lot. Perhaps he thinks humans can be re-booted too. While still frozen in disbelief, Boyfriend began to recite a list of my apparent mistakes, including that I had asked if he was lost the night before, had different taste in music then he (apparently he wasn’t a fan of my 70s medley), and simply “didn’t get him.” I guess in baseball and dating, its three strikes you’re out.
It was 9pm. It had been snowing. Boyfriend went downstairs and began to pack for me, picking up little items that I had foolishly left around the cabin when I thought I would actually be staying the whole weekend. As he retrieved his skis from the back of my truck, he started to hum (like a bird singing its freedom). I asked for directions back to the highway. He told me to take two rights and a left, turned on his heel, and headed back into the cabin.
I spent the next 4 hrs driving home in tears, stopping at one point when lost to get directions from some snowboarders whose reaction to my story was: “dude, that sucks”-- totally agree with you boys. Not once in the next 4 hours, well, for the next 12 hours really, does my now ex-Boyfriend call to see if I’m dead on the side of the road, or worse, nibbling on my Prada leather belt near Donner Lake.
At some point the next day (I know now it was between his runs on the slopes—yes, dammit, I looked at his stupid blog), it occurs to ex-Boyfriend to check on me. He sends a TM. Nothing says you care like a TM. I mean, except a post-it note. When I didn’t bother to reply, he sent an email the following day, saying that he “behaved badly.” Hmmm, wonder what he considers actual bad behavior? To his credit though, he did wish me luck in the future.
Anyway, not one to let insult and injury go unchecked, I told him what I thought about his completely undignified ending of our relationship over Harry Potter. He responded that we didn’t end because of HP but because we had “significant problems.” Errrr??? Who has time to develop “significant” problems in just five weeks—I mean, unless one of you is a crack addict or something.
As I read his email, I thought to myself: this information would have been really useful say, I don't know, HOW ABOUT BEFORE YOU DRAG ME TO THE MOUNTAINS! So I'm sitting there, wracking my brain, trying to figure out what the hell he means, what went wrong, what signs did I miss??? And then… it hits me right between the eyes like a large, smelly mackerel: I missed NOTHING. Nothing except a wolf in Boyfriend clothing.
To his credit, Ex-Boyfriend has maintained a low profile during the airing of the show and has otherwise respected my feelings. Nah, I’m just kidding. Here are a few slices of his recent blog entries:
yesterday, the first thing on my mind regarding the show was that I needed to get a new wardrobe.
After 15 minutes, my new concern is to see what the love coaches say about me.
Man, if they make me look as bad as they did that lawyer dude, i'm screwed..
C'mon people, I criticized Dan Brown and Got a slew of phone calls and emails. I show up on a lousy t.v. show and everyone is quiet. This disturbs me. ***
No, Brad doesn't have a blog. I hear that his daughter does. She's the one who gives me crap for my t-shirts being too tight. She says I should go work in Ansley, or host a T.V. show on the oxygen network. Anyhow, I'll make sure Brad Live-blogs the next few episodes."
Alright, I think I make my debut tonight..
I am at Brad's right now.
Well, I can't complain. Everyone says they made me look good. I figured they would, once i realized they were making michelle out to be picky and tense.. To my ear I sounded drunk, but I have no ear for myself. I guess I always sound that way?"
"Monday, June 26
Posse in effect
I just recieved this email. I don't know how to contact my Fan Club Either. Sorry. Joann sent it to everyone in her email list I think.
You really want to watch Sean on T.V. tonight on *****???SHOW NAME HERE??****. It comes on at 10:00 and last one hour. He was on last week and we didn't know he was going to be such a star. He looks so tall, dark and handsome with this gorgeous smile. He has been working out and looks pretty buff. He has a great presence on T.V. Maybe this is only the beginning of a career on the big screen. He is much cooler that Tom Cruise. Don't you think?.............. I think Dawn and Lindsey have started a Fan Club already. ( We will have to ask them about a T-Shirt with his picture) We're all having so much fun with all this, but Sean is so modest about it all, however, I think he enjoys his new fame. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy. The show will be running for 6 weeks. Sean said we would get tired of seeing him before the end of the show. I don't think so. We will see, so tune in tonight at 10:00 on SOMECHANNEL."
"Third Episode (with me in it)
by Sean at 07:00PM (PDT) on July 3, 2006 | Permanent Link | Cosmos
I'm at Brad's again.
I am averaging around 200 hits a day and I am still google proof: There is no way to link me to the show except word of mouth. I think the uptick in viewership is due to increased viewing from friends and 'fans'."
(excerpts taken from www.whiskeyslowdown.com-- feel free to join the fan club)
Anyway, back to the land of the not-so-completely narcissistic…
This almost ended up being a crappy ending. You know, the kind of ending where I was gonna have to reach deep for something pithy to say, something to make myself feel less depressed about dating.
As reported last week by SFist.com, I’m back in the game:
“And let us interject here and say that we spotted Michelle just last week at the AMC on Van Ness going to a movie we are assuming was Superman Returns, and she was with a guy. We couldn't tell who he was, but he didn't look like that Shaun dude, unless he's grown a beard since the show filmed. We so wish we could have sat behind them and eavesdropped the entire evening, but we were in line for a later show. Curses!” http://www.sfist.com/archives/2006/0..._questions.php
If they would have eavesdropped they might have heard me laughing and being silly, and having a great time with a really decent guy. A guy who took me to Auburn a few weeks ago for the weekend just so we could have summer weather. A guy who played gin rummy with me for hours, went to the store for baby carrots (because that’s the one thing I really wanted) and who, when I got all cranky because it was hot and I couldn’t sleep, looked at me and in his best dead pan said: “hey, keep it up and you’re driving home alone again!” I almost split a seam laughing.