Greetings everyone…I am so excited to be back, actually not really, I would love to still be on the beach relaxing. I have a couple of rumors I would like to dispel before we dive into this week’s episode. Many people seemed disappointed that I was not really wearing an old bridesmaid dress and hopped up on champagne for the first episode. Well tonight I decided to really put on my favorite periwinkle bridesmaid dress and I have been slamming shots of champagne for the last hour while listening to Air Supply. Hopefully that will help to make this recap a little more entertaining. Second rumor is that last week I was off cavorting on a singles’ cruise. Yes, that seems like something I would get dragged into but alas I was on the beach at a friend’s wedding. Thankfully I was not in the wedding but I did spend the week living in a house with 4 male friends so I have lots of insights to share later.
Last week the ladies were forced into literal blind dates in hopes of finding the men of their dreams. Alissa met a nice man named Joey and actually went out with him after the event. Kris reunited with an old boyfriend, Michelle got set up on a blind date and Anne met a man through online dating. Will all these relationships blossom or will the love coaches force them into doing something odd ruining all chances of true love? Only time will tell. So let’s sit back (without wrinkling our dresses) and see what we have in store for us this week.
Chapter 3 Valentine’s Day
The show starts up and we find out that this episode is going to revolve around Valentine’s Day, every single gal’s least favorite holiday. The coaches want all the girls to get together and chat about all their experiences so far. They get together for brunch at a local restaurant and discuss what they have all been up too. The whole scene seems like something out of Sex and the City minus the very graphic sex discussion.
Kissing & Telling
We now dive back into the rules of dating, rule #69 The First Kiss. A date without a kiss is just an appointment. I want to know where all these rules are coming from, is there a list we can reference? This seems like an awful lot of “rules” one needs to obey in order to find the one.
Michelle is on the phone with her brother discussing her first date with Sean. She had a really good time and liked that he could hold his own with her and was a little bit sarcastic. Her brother asks her if she kissed him. She tells him she did not. Her brother tells her she better kiss him on the second date or else she is going to just think of him as a friend. Michelle agrees to do that and I get a little creped out that such detailed conversation is happening between brother and sister. Maybe next they can talk about what rule 69 really stands for. I apologize for that one it was really inappropriate. Remember I have been living with males between the ages of 25-28 for a week.
Trimming the Phat
The love coaches want to meet with Kris and go over her bad dates with her to find out what she can improve. They show first video of her date with Mike, the sour apple sucker guy. It once again reconfirms to me why Mike is still single. They tell Kris the conversation was bad on the date but she was giving him signals that she was interested. The coaches tell her she needs to work on Fear Flirting, which is not flirting to be nice. Once again a nice book or pamphlet to reference with all the rules and terminology would be VERY helpful. They think she needs to raise her bar and not be scared to tell guys when she is not interested.
The next video they show is of her with Chris the guy she met at the button party. She rated him a 4 out of 10 and the coaches can’t believe she spent majority of the party talking with him if she was not interested. They give her some tips for getting out of a conversation. The first tip is to use her friends as an excuse. Like my friends think you are a loser so I need to go talk to someone else. The second tip is say you have to mingle. So you could say to the guy you are pretty much a big old dud and I need to go talk to others before I gauge my own eardrums out. Now all my examples were just that examples, they are not to be used in everyday situations. If you by chance do use them, please email me and let me know you are still alive.
They then ask her about Josh, the guy she used to date that she just went out with recently. She tells them that she really likes him and has been comparing everyone to him. The coaches think it is time for her to “trim the fat” and to make more of a commitment. She agrees to start being more honest with people and not leading them on if she is not interested.
Michelle has another date with Sean and they are going to go bowling. They are joking and talking and having a good time as Michelle humiliates Sean in bowling. As they leave the bowling alley Michelle asks Sean if he wants to go out again and he agrees. As they are making small talk they both lean in and have their first kiss. I hope Michelle’s brother is watching and cheering from his couch!
Putting the Males on the Hot Seat
We are now onto Love Coach Event #3: Truth on Tap. This event is going to give the ladies the opportunity to get inside the male mind. Coaches asked the girls to write down questions they have always wanted to ask guys. The coaches have gathered a group of guys to answer the questions honestly. Are all the men going to be hooked up to lie detectors or are we expected to take them at their word? The questions are all thrown into a bowl and the ladies start pulling them out one at a time.
Instead of writing down each question I will just give you a little summary because frankly the champagne is starting to go straight to my head and the crinoline on this dress is itching like crazy. Questions are asked like Do all women turn into their mothers? The men say yes and the women seem disappointed. I already see myself turning into my mother and personally I don’t see that as a bad thing. Yes she has some quirky traits that drive me crazy but she did an awesome job raising me so I would be so lucky to be like her when I get older. Sorry that question made me a little angry.
The questions continue and we find out that when men don’t buy us anything for Valentine’s Day it is simply because they don’t have the time. Women need to do small intentional, inadvertent touches to let men know they are interested. Yes, men do worry about their penis size. Men want women to know they are very dense. We women need to tell them exactly what we want. I would have to disagree because this past week I told the boys everyday what I wanted and they were none to happy to have to keep picking up after themselves, rinsing the sand off their feet before coming inside, and wiping down the counter in the kitchen when they were done.
I Can’t Make this Stuff Up
When the women are done questioning the guys the tables get turned and the men are able to ask the ladies some questions. They first want to know what is a turn-off on a first date. The women all say that discussion about ex’s is not good. The second question the men want to know is if it’s okay to walk up to women on the street and talk to them. All the women agree they would love for that to happen. I normally would agree with this until something happened to me this past week.
I really wish some of these stories I share were made up but alas they are what makes my life interesting I guess. I was down in Savannah for the day with a friend waiting for another friend. My friend and I were hanging out down by the water relaxing when these two men approached us. Now we had seen these men earlier at a bar and chatted briefly with them but nothing big. They introduced themselves and told us they were staying at the Hilton doing some work and wanted to know if we would like to join them for the day…and the night. Being the mature adult that I am I literally laughed at them. I guess they didn’t get the message because they thought they could sweeten the deal by offering us free swimming and continental breakfast in the morning. I finally pulled myself together and told them no and they told us “you can’t blame us for trying.” When they left I was so mad because when they approached us they had obviously figured who would go with who and the one who wanted me was about 50 and missing a few teeth. Now I am 28 and my friend who I was with is 37, I have no idea what these guys were thinking. The really sad part is when I told my friends about what happened none of them were surprised. This kind of stuff happens to me a lot for some odd reason.
Getting Ready for
As we get back to the show we learn about rule #44 Romantic Holidays, they are just another day so don’t stress out about them. Anne is at the gym working out when J.D. the love coach comes in to talk about Valentine’s Day. She tells him that she is going to go out with Jimmy and not Dennis since they have already been out a few times and she does not want any pressure. J.D. thinks that is a good idea but he still thinks that Dennis should call her or send flowers or candy.
Michelle is going to be working on Valentine’s Day this year. She has never liked Valentine’s Day and has a big court case the following day so she wants to be prepared for it. The voice over man tells us whomever Michelle settles down with is going to have to understand how important career is to Michelle. Thank you Mr. Obvious!
Kris is excited about Valentine’s Day and wants to spend it with Josh. She feels very natural with him and they are very affectionate with each other. She takes him to the Chinese New Year parade. After the parade they go out for dinner and Josh asks her out officially for Valentine’s Day to a wine and chocolate tasting party.
Getting Shot by Cupids Arrow
The big day has arrived and Anne and Jimmy meet to go ice-skating. Anne is not a very good skater but is laughing and having a good time. As they are skating around the rink Anne bites it and I can’t help but laugh. For some reason when ice-skating someone always bites it and it cracks me up. When they leave the rink Jimmy asks her if she wants to go out again and then gives her a kiss.
Alissa is getting ready for her date with Joey and meets with the love coaches before she goes out. They tell her about rule #61, Valentine’s gifts. Thoughtfulness speaks louder than extravagance. I can’t believe there is a rule dedicated to just Valentine’s Day gifts. Alissa meets Joey at the restaurant and he brings her a huge bouquet of flowers. They have a good conversation on the date and I develop a huge inappropriate crush on Joey. He is super funny and that is totally my type. After dinner they leave the restaurant and Joey gives her another kiss but not an awkward one like before. Joey, if it does not work out between you and Alissa you send me an email, alright! Maybe I should lay off the champagne a little.
Kris and Josh go out on a romantic date for the evening. She asks him some of the questions from the love coach event like how do you know when you have found the one? Nothing like laying on the pressure. After dinner they go back to someone’s apartment and talk. She tells him she is disappointed that he is leaving the next week and he tells her he will be excited to see her when he comes back. The lights fade and we can only speculate on what happened next. Maybe at their next brunch gathering some of those details will come out ala Sex and the City.
And that wraps up another week of How to Get the Guy. I hope you all have been taking thorough notes on all these rules and definitions because I just can’t keep everything straight. I also recommend to everyone to try the old bridesmaid dress and champagne combo, it makes the show very exciting!
The ladies get a chance to work on chemistry. Personally this seems like the worst episode ever. I hated regular chemistry and organic chemistry almost made me change my major in college. Why would they force these ladies into a chemistry class? What’s going to happen after that, a lesson in physics?
I am going to call the travel agent and really see about booking my good friend SueEllen and myself on a singles’ cruise. If you would like to join us email me at Yardgnome77@fansofrealitytv.co m.