6/9 Recap - Warning: These Songs Will Get Stuck In Your Head

Silverstar · 06-10-2005, 08:35 PM

All right stop, collaborate and listen. Silverizzle is back with a brand new recap. Ooh my little pretty FORTers, my pretty ones, you’ve asked me, what is love? It's like I told you, only the lonely can play. Now that the party is jumping, you can call 8-6-7-5-3-0-9 and I’ll be cookin’ those rhymes like a pound of bacon. Word to Jenny and Sharona.

Last week on Hit Me Baby One More Time, everybody was working for the weekend, the Seagulls looked like they needed a day off from work and Arrested Development won $20,000 to give to the charity of their choice. This week, the has-beens performing for us are, The Knack, The Motels, Haddaway, Tommy Tutone and yes, the one you’ve all been waiting for, Vanilla Ice.

It’s Already Better Than Last Week!

Our favourite giant, Vernon Kay, comes out on stage with his equally gigantic smile. The first group to perform tonight is none other than The Knack! According to Vernon, The Knack was a symbol of teenage lust back in 1979. Right. Their hit My Sharona made them famous and helped them sell over 6 million copies. On top of it all, George Bush has this song on his iPod. Wait, he has an iPod?

The Knack go out on stage and they’re all dressed the same. The singer looks almost exactly like he used to. It’s impressive! My Sharona is one of my favourite one-hit wonders of all-time so I’m excited to hear it. The audience is singing along and so am I. Be thankful that this is a written recap and not an auditory device because I’m far from being a good singer. All in all, the guys sound like they’re having fun and they definitely rock out. So what if they're old? I'm liking this and I'm not ashamed to say it.

Their second song tonight will be Jet’s Are You Gonna Be My Girl? I think that’s a great choice since the group Jet reminds me of The Knack. Except that The Knack actually wash their hair. It’s now time for Vernon’s completely stupid and unnecessary question of the week. What happened to the real Sharona? Well, it seems that she’s a real estate agent and a successful one to boot! Ok, more music, less Vernon, please.

Another act I’m excited to see is Haddaway. In 1993, his hit What Is Love made him popular in America. He has released many more songs around the world but that one was his only real success here. If you have trouble remembering how the song goes, just bob your head to the side like Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell did in the SNL skits. Come on, you know you want to do it.

Haddaway looks pretty good and his song is still as catchy as ever. One thing that bothers me about 10 seconds into the song are the hoochie dancers around him. One girl especially has her arse-cheeks hanging out like there’s no tomorrow! This is not Sir Mix-A-Lot, it’s Haddaway. Maybe he also likes big butts and he cannot lie. Vernon is back and asks him what he thought of the SNL skit. Haddaway answers that he loved it and that it kicked ass. Haddaboy! (I apologize, that one was too easy.)
I start to cry in silence when I learn that his second song will be Britney’s Toxic. Why? WHY? Has she not tainted the TV world enough with her awful show?

Get Out of My Head… GetOutOfMyHead!

In 1982, a band with a liking for numbers got many people furious. Why? The owners of the 867-5309 number must’ve received drunk phone calls during the 80’s. Nonetheless, Tommy Tutone and some of his band members are there tonight to sing that song. Officially, I think the title is Jenny (867-5309.) The boys come out on stage and some of them are sporting leather pants! Do you see this, A Flock of Seagulls and Loverboy? Ha! The lead singer has grey hair and sunglasses at night. He's also not that bad of a performer.

To me, Tommy Tutone used to be a Family Guy reference… now; they are musical icons! I kid, I kid. Vernon (my, I say, how tall is this dude?) asks Tommy (I guess that’s his name) where he got that famous number and he answers that he found it on a bathroom wall. They’ll be performing All the Small Things by Blink -182-, the band now on hiatus. *shakes head *

Up next are The Motels. The lead singer Martha Davis was a sex symbol back in the day and the band had a couple of hits. The band…I mean… Martha gets off the platform and starts singing. Am I dreaming or is she the only on from the band actually there? Unless her band members are half her age, then she’s the only survivor from The Motels. She has a wonderful singing voice but I’m not familiar with the song, Only the Lonely. I wasn’t even born when they were popular, so that may be why I don’t recognize it. She’ll be singing Norah Jones’ Don’t Know Why. Meh, that song was overplayed and it puts me to sleep.

There Are No Words to Describe This

This is *the* performance of the night, the one people around the world have been waiting for. Vernon says to please welcome Vaniller Ice! Excuse me? Vaniller Ice? This is hilarious. I know he doesn’t realize how that pronunciation comes off to us but from this moment on, Vanilla is gone and it’s all about Vaniller. Fifteen years ago, Rob Van Winkle was making everyone dance and it was all about the pants and the moves. Since then, he has more tattoos and a new attitude.

Ice comes out on stage and wastes no time with rapping “Stop, collaborate and listen.” He almost looks angry! The new Vaniller raps a newer version of Ice Ice Baby and the audience is going crazy. Some guy dances around and even jumps over Vaniller at one point. This is the craziest performance I’ve seen tonight. He even attempts some moves near the end and I can’t help but laugh. This is entertaining but I don’t know if I like this angrier version of him. The ripping off of the David Bowie & Queen’s Under Pressure riff is not as noticeable tonight. Vernon asks Vaniller what happened to the parachute pants and he answers that he burned them. Doesn’t he realize that he could’ve made millions…well…a couple of bucks on Ebay with them? He’ll be covering ~~Beyonce~~ Destiny’s Child’s Survivor.

Cover Me, Cover My Ears

The Knack are back and ready to take on Jet’s song. I love their energy and it’s a song you can definitely dance to. One problem I have is that they have changed some lyrics in the chorus. That tune has been overplayed enough in the last year that I can tell what the original words are. Even with that, The Knack are excellent performers and the only flaw I’ve found in their performance was the lead singer’s attempt to hit the high notes. Maybe he should stick to the moaning part in My Sharona.

Haddaway’s up next and I’m already looking forward to the end of his performance. He lives back in L.A and he has taking a liking to golfing. We finish the “where are they now” segment by seeing him making a split in the middle of a golf course! We’re back in the studio and he starts his song…on the floor… like Britney often does. UGH! He also changed the lyrics of the song to make it fit to his masculine persona. Ahem. The dancers are back but this time with a lot more clothing on. How ironic it is to cover up more skin when dancing to a Britney Spears song. I’ll also like to point out that this may be the first and last time a Britney song has been sung live. We’re a part of history, people!

The lead singer of Tommy Tutone lives in Portland and doesn’t seem to like his day job. He also wants to make sure everyone knows he never called Jenny’s number. The band starts rocking out to Blink’s song and I feel uneasy watching their performance. I grew up listening to Blink –182- so it’s funny to see a cover of their “serious work.” He also took the liberty to change the lyrics! I know the performers have the right to change them but it’s getting annoying. If only I knew what was to come… They do an okay job with the song but you can’t try to be serious when you sing that kind of music. It would be like Bob Dylan covering Weird Al Yancovic. See? Very disturbing.

We’re back with Martha and the new Motels. She lives in Seattle and is part of some kind of circus! She says it’s a mix of Cirque du Soleil & Cabaret. Interesting, to say the least. She’s covering Don’t Know Why and I’m expecting the same relaxed feel to this song. Boy was I wrong! She rocks out the song and I’m expecting Norah Jones, somewhere, somehow, to be rocking out as well to this version. It was very entertaining yet not something I would listen to again. If Martha ever wants to make a comeback, I’m sure some people would be interested, but it's not my cup of tea.

Vaniller’s turn is finally here. He spends his time in a recording studio when he’s not appearing in some reality show. He says that he’s evolving and that he has new record coming out soon. We see a clip of him at work and he sings something about Madonna and his bike. Eminem, watch out, you’ve got competition! He’s supposedly (and please put emphasis on that word) covering Destiny’s Child Survivor. He starts by rapping “I’m a survivor” and that’s all that’s left of the original lyrics. The beat is good, he has energy but I wouldn’t even begin to call that a cover song! He simply stole a line from it and that was the end of that. I can’t believe they let him completely change the lyrics. Anyway, he incorporates the Madonna and bike references and lightening strikes me. This was simply an elaborate plan to feature one song off his new CD! He never planned to cover anyone’s song! I feel used. (Yeah, and I’ve never watched heavily-edited reality TV shows before.)

I Demand A Recount

After this hour of entertainment, it’s time to declare the winner. Personally, I loved The Knack but I have a feeling they will not win. Vernon is practically giddy when he says that Vanilla Ice is the winner, “by a mile”. Vaniller says he wants to give the money to the “Make-A-Wish” foundation. Prediction: in February 2006, there will be a battle between Vanilla Ice and Crunchy Eminem With Peanuts for the #1 Billboard spot.

Well, that’s all for this week, folks. Next week Cameo, Irene Cara, Howard Jones, Sophie B. Hawkins and Wang Chung will be dusting off their vocal cords just for you!

Wave your hands in the air like you don’t care and send me your thoughts. Word up.
silverstar@fansofrealitytv.com

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dagwood · 06-10-2005, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silverstar

I Demand A Recount

I do demand a recount. I was so wishing the Motels would have won.

Great recap, Silverstar!

Burntcrow · 06-11-2005, 12:10 AM

We like big butts and we can not lie
Even silverstar can't deny!

This show is nothing but poo...you were too nice to them silver, too nice.

It was a great recap silver! You go on with ya bad self and shake that healthy butt!

JLuvs · 06-11-2005, 04:22 AM

Loved the recap. The title was very appropriate as I was singing the songs my whole 45 mins driving home.

**waywyrd** · 06-11-2005, 10:29 AM

Quote:

This is not Sir Mix-A-Lot, it’s Haddaway. Maybe he also likes big butts and he cannot lie.

Quote:

I’ll also like to point out that this may be the first and last time a Britney song has been sung live.

Too funny! Great recap, Silverstar!

William13 · 06-11-2005, 12:42 PM

As much as I love reading your recaps, Silverstar, I was wondering how you could do justice to a show with perfromers whose careers were over and done before you were born (in most cases).
As usual you did a great job.

Quote:

It’s now time for Vernon’s completely stupid and unnecessary question of the week.

Quote:

Ok, more music, less Vernon, please.

Exactly who is this guy?

Quote:

How ironic it is to cover up more skin when dancing to a Britney Spears song. I’ll also like to point out that this may be the first and last time a Britney song has been sung live. We’re a part of history, people!

When Haddaway said that he was going to cover a Britney Spears song, I think that I started to cry.

Quote:

Am I dreaming or is she the only on from the band actually there? Unless her band members are half her age, then she’s the only survivor from The Motels.

Having seen the episode of Bands Reunited with the Motels I can say that this was not the original band. Not suprisingly the band originally broke up because the record company wanted to focus the spotlight on Martha as a sex symbol after they had a hit with Only the Lonely - they had started out as a more rock oriented band.

Quote:

Eminem, watch out, you’ve got competition! He’s supposedly (and please put emphasis on that word) covering Destiny’s Child Survivor. He starts by rapping “I’m a survivor” and that’s all that’s left of the original lyrics. The beat is good, he has energy but I wouldn’t even begin to call that a cover song!

I was interested in reading what you would say about Vanilla Ice's performance. I watched about 30 seconds of it and turned off the show. I reallly really really hated his performance.

I was hoping that Tommy Tutone would win. I liked both songs that he did, but I admit that I didn't realize that he changed the lyrics to All the Small Things.

Finally, yes, George Bush does have in ipod. He listens to it while he works out. He doesn't choose the songs though - someone else does that and the songs are chosen to help accelerate his heartbeat.

Another great Silverstar recap. Thanks for the laughs.

PS, did I remember to mention that I didn't like Vanilla Ice.

SnowflakeGirl · 06-12-2005, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silverstar

All right stop, collaborate and listen. Silverizzle is back with a brand new recap. Ooh my little pretty FORTers, my pretty ones, you’ve asked me, what is love? It's like I told you, only the lonely can play. Now that the party is jumping, you can call 8-6-7-5-3-0-9 and I’ll be cookin’ those rhymes like a pound of bacon. Word to Jenny and Sharona.

A classic intro.

But really, your recap only gets better from here. I found your entire recap to be not only hilarious, but absolutely spot on in its observations.

Brava on another fantastic recap!

senrik · 06-13-2005, 02:21 PM

Joy....
Between "Loverboy" (Vancouver, BC), "The Motels" (Seattle, WA) and "Tommy Tutone" (Portland Or), I think I've completed my collection of "80's Mediocre Rockstars of the Pacific Northwest"

In other news, we now know that the unstated area code for 'Jenny' is 503. The Lead singer of "The Motels" is now a circus freak see http://dreams.zinzanni.org/. That Vanilla Ice really does like his Vanilla Ice Persona (contrary to what he said in his time in "the Surreal life").

Great recap Silver... You're the best.

jmb · 06-16-2005, 03:37 PM

Loved the show!!
I hope they come out with it on DVD so we can watch it again!

06-11-2005, 04:22 AM	#4
JLuvs RENThead Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Commuting for Work Posts: 4,580	Loved the recap. The title was very appropriate as I was singing the songs my whole 45 mins driving home. __________________ Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter. -Bono

06-13-2005, 02:21 PM	#8
senrik Don't Panic Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Bainbridge Island, WA Age: 39 Posts: 4,165	Joy.... Between "Loverboy" (Vancouver, BC), "The Motels" (Seattle, WA) and "Tommy Tutone" (Portland Or), I think I've completed my collection of "80's Mediocre Rockstars of the Pacific Northwest" In other news, we now know that the unstated area code for 'Jenny' is 503. The Lead singer of "The Motels" is now a circus freak see http://dreams.zinzanni.org/. That Vanilla Ice really does like his Vanilla Ice Persona (contrary to what he said in his time in "the Surreal life"). Great recap Silver... You're the best. __________________ "The purpose of the new capitalism is to shoot the wounded." ~ Andy Grove, Chairman, Intel Corporation

06-10-2005, 08:35 PM	#1
Silverstar FORT Fogey Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 1,776	6/9 Recap - Warning: These Songs Will Get Stuck In Your Head All right stop, collaborate and listen. Silverizzle is back with a brand new recap. Ooh my little pretty FORTers, my pretty ones, you’ve asked me, what is love? It's like I told you, only the lonely can play. Now that the party is jumping, you can call 8-6-7-5-3-0-9 and I’ll be cookin’ those rhymes like a pound of bacon. Word to Jenny and Sharona. Last week on Hit Me Baby One More Time, everybody was working for the weekend, the Seagulls looked like they needed a day off from work and Arrested Development won $20,000 to give to the charity of their choice. This week, the has-beens performing for us are, The Knack, The Motels, Haddaway, Tommy Tutone and yes, the one you’ve all been waiting for, Vanilla Ice. It’s Already Better Than Last Week! Our favourite giant, Vernon Kay, comes out on stage with his equally gigantic smile. The first group to perform tonight is none other than The Knack! According to Vernon, The Knack was a symbol of teenage lust back in 1979. Right. Their hit My Sharona made them famous and helped them sell over 6 million copies. On top of it all, George Bush has this song on his iPod. Wait, he has an iPod? The Knack go out on stage and they’re all dressed the same. The singer looks almost exactly like he used to. It’s impressive! My Sharona is one of my favourite one-hit wonders of all-time so I’m excited to hear it. The audience is singing along and so am I. Be thankful that this is a written recap and not an auditory device because I’m far from being a good singer. All in all, the guys sound like they’re having fun and they definitely rock out. So what if they're old? I'm liking this and I'm not ashamed to say it. Their second song tonight will be Jet’s Are You Gonna Be My Girl? I think that’s a great choice since the group Jet reminds me of The Knack. Except that The Knack actually wash their hair. It’s now time for Vernon’s completely stupid and unnecessary question of the week. What happened to the real Sharona? Well, it seems that she’s a real estate agent and a successful one to boot! Ok, more music, less Vernon, please. Another act I’m excited to see is Haddaway. In 1993, his hit What Is Love made him popular in America. He has released many more songs around the world but that one was his only real success here. If you have trouble remembering how the song goes, just bob your head to the side like Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell did in the SNL skits. Come on, you know you want to do it. Haddaway looks pretty good and his song is still as catchy as ever. One thing that bothers me about 10 seconds into the song are the hoochie dancers around him. One girl especially has her arse-cheeks hanging out like there’s no tomorrow! This is not Sir Mix-A-Lot, it’s Haddaway. Maybe he also likes big butts and he cannot lie. Vernon is back and asks him what he thought of the SNL skit. Haddaway answers that he loved it and that it kicked ass. Haddaboy! (I apologize, that one was too easy.) I start to cry in silence when I learn that his second song will be Britney’s Toxic. Why? WHY? Has she not tainted the TV world enough with her awful show? Get Out of My Head… GetOutOfMyHead! In 1982, a band with a liking for numbers got many people furious. Why? The owners of the 867-5309 number must’ve received drunk phone calls during the 80’s. Nonetheless, Tommy Tutone and some of his band members are there tonight to sing that song. Officially, I think the title is Jenny (867-5309.) The boys come out on stage and some of them are sporting leather pants! Do you see this, A Flock of Seagulls and Loverboy? Ha! The lead singer has grey hair and sunglasses at night. He's also not that bad of a performer. To me, Tommy Tutone used to be a Family Guy reference… now; they are musical icons! I kid, I kid. Vernon (my, I say, how tall is this dude?) asks Tommy (I guess that’s his name) where he got that famous number and he answers that he found it on a bathroom wall. They’ll be performing All the Small Things by Blink -182-, the band now on hiatus. shakes head Up next are The Motels. The lead singer Martha Davis was a sex symbol back in the day and the band had a couple of hits. The band…I mean… Martha gets off the platform and starts singing. Am I dreaming or is she the only on from the band actually there? Unless her band members are half her age, then she’s the only survivor from The Motels. She has a wonderful singing voice but I’m not familiar with the song, Only the Lonely. I wasn’t even born when they were popular, so that may be why I don’t recognize it. She’ll be singing Norah Jones’ Don’t Know Why. Meh, that song was overplayed and it puts me to sleep. There Are No Words to Describe This This is the performance of the night, the one people around the world have been waiting for. Vernon says to please welcome Vaniller Ice! Excuse me? Vaniller Ice? This is hilarious. I know he doesn’t realize how that pronunciation comes off to us but from this moment on, Vanilla is gone and it’s all about Vaniller. Fifteen years ago, Rob Van Winkle was making everyone dance and it was all about the pants and the moves. Since then, he has more tattoos and a new attitude. Ice comes out on stage and wastes no time with rapping “Stop, collaborate and listen.” He almost looks angry! The new Vaniller raps a newer version of Ice Ice Baby and the audience is going crazy. Some guy dances around and even jumps over Vaniller at one point. This is the craziest performance I’ve seen tonight. He even attempts some moves near the end and I can’t help but laugh. This is entertaining but I don’t know if I like this angrier version of him. The ripping off of the David Bowie & Queen’s Under Pressure riff is not as noticeable tonight. Vernon asks Vaniller what happened to the parachute pants and he answers that he burned them. Doesn’t he realize that he could’ve made millions…well…a couple of bucks on Ebay with them? He’ll be covering ~~Beyonce~~ Destiny’s Child’s Survivor. Cover Me, Cover My Ears The Knack are back and ready to take on Jet’s song. I love their energy and it’s a song you can definitely dance to. One problem I have is that they have changed some lyrics in the chorus. That tune has been overplayed enough in the last year that I can tell what the original words are. Even with that, The Knack are excellent performers and the only flaw I’ve found in their performance was the lead singer’s attempt to hit the high notes. Maybe he should stick to the moaning part in My Sharona. Haddaway’s up next and I’m already looking forward to the end of his performance. He lives back in L.A and he has taking a liking to golfing. We finish the “where are they now” segment by seeing him making a split in the middle of a golf course! We’re back in the studio and he starts his song…on the floor… like Britney often does. UGH! He also changed the lyrics of the song to make it fit to his masculine persona. Ahem. The dancers are back but this time with a lot more clothing on. How ironic it is to cover up more skin when dancing to a Britney Spears song. I’ll also like to point out that this may be the first and last time a Britney song has been sung live. We’re a part of history, people! The lead singer of Tommy Tutone lives in Portland and doesn’t seem to like his day job. He also wants to make sure everyone knows he never called Jenny’s number. The band starts rocking out to Blink’s song and I feel uneasy watching their performance. I grew up listening to Blink –182- so it’s funny to see a cover of their “serious work.” He also took the liberty to change the lyrics! I know the performers have the right to change them but it’s getting annoying. If only I knew what was to come… They do an okay job with the song but you can’t try to be serious when you sing that kind of music. It would be like Bob Dylan covering Weird Al Yancovic. See? Very disturbing. We’re back with Martha and the new Motels. She lives in Seattle and is part of some kind of circus! She says it’s a mix of Cirque du Soleil & Cabaret. Interesting, to say the least. She’s covering Don’t Know Why and I’m expecting the same relaxed feel to this song. Boy was I wrong! She rocks out the song and I’m expecting Norah Jones, somewhere, somehow, to be rocking out as well to this version. It was very entertaining yet not something I would listen to again. If Martha ever wants to make a comeback, I’m sure some people would be interested, but it's not my cup of tea. Vaniller’s turn is finally here. He spends his time in a recording studio when he’s not appearing in some reality show. He says that he’s evolving and that he has new record coming out soon. We see a clip of him at work and he sings something about Madonna and his bike. Eminem, watch out, you’ve got competition! He’s supposedly (and please put emphasis on that word) covering Destiny’s Child Survivor. He starts by rapping “I’m a survivor” and that’s all that’s left of the original lyrics. The beat is good, he has energy but I wouldn’t even begin to call that a cover song! He simply stole a line from it and that was the end of that. I can’t believe they let him completely change the lyrics. Anyway, he incorporates the Madonna and bike references and lightening strikes me. This was simply an elaborate plan to feature one song off his new CD! He never planned to cover anyone’s song! I feel used. (Yeah, and I’ve never watched heavily-edited reality TV shows before.) I Demand A Recount After this hour of entertainment, it’s time to declare the winner. Personally, I loved The Knack but I have a feeling they will not win. Vernon is practically giddy when he says that Vanilla Ice is the winner, “by a mile”. Vaniller says he wants to give the money to the “Make-A-Wish” foundation. Prediction: in February 2006, there will be a battle between Vanilla Ice and Crunchy Eminem With Peanuts for the #1 Billboard spot. Well, that’s all for this week, folks. Next week Cameo, Irene Cara, Howard Jones, Sophie B. Hawkins and Wang Chung will be dusting off their vocal cords just for you! Wave your hands in the air like you don’t care and send me your thoughts. Word up. silverstar@fansofrealitytv.com

06-11-2005, 12:10 AM	#3
Burntcrow Too cold to run away! Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Texuhs Posts: 1,257	We like big butts and we can not lie Even silverstar can't deny! This show is nothing but poo...you were too nice to them silver, too nice. It was a great recap silver! You go on with ya bad self and shake that healthy butt!

06-16-2005, 03:37 PM	#9
jmb FORT Fanatic Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 640	Loved the show!! I hope they come out with it on DVD so we can watch it again!