It’s been quite the reunion for the classmates from the Cardinal Gibbons class of ’94. They’ve spent two weeks together at the beautiful reunion estate in Oahu, Hawaii. Some came for love, some came for revenge, and some came for the free booze and the chance to extend their fifteen minutes of fame. The classmates have become acquainted and re-acquainted with each other, and relationships have been born, rekindled, and destroyed, all in a matter of two weeks. In this, the final episode, the classmates get to relive the highlight of all high school experiences – the Prom. I mean, really - who doesn’t want to go to their Prom again? Okay, okay – you can all put your hands down now.
School dances are such a point of high drama, aren’t they? The televised dance-a-thons, the spiked punch, the no-good hoochie-mama showing up and and stealing your man – good times, good times. If the previews aren’t totally fabricated, then it looks like this dance will be no different. I just hope that the live band will be Sha-Na-Na. *crosses fingers*
The house is abuzz with everyone bustling about getting ready. The ladies fix their hair and apply makeup while the guys travel to a formalwear store to get their tuxedos. Meathead Brian confesses that he is sad to see the reunion end, since he feels he has made lifelong friendships at the estate. At the house, the girls each grab a rose for their dates as the guys begin to pull up outside in their respective limousines.
You’re the One that I Want
The first couple to depart is Jim and Nikol. Jim explains that this prom is very special for him and Nikol since they didn’t get to attend their senior prom together. Nikol says she is even more excited to go to the prom with him now, since it symbolizes the beginning of their new relationship. She feels they definitely have a future together, and states that she has always longed for a relationship like the one she had with him – safe and secure. They drink champagne in the limo and he makes a toast to their finally getting to go to prom with each other.
Love is a Many-Splendored Thing
The next couple to leave is Gianni and Loretta. Loretta reminds us that she came to the reunion to see if there was someone she missed out on in high school. She and Gianni have had a special spark from the beginning and getting to know him has definitely been special for her. She knows it will be hard with him living in Italy, but they have become close and she plans to go visit him.
Hopelessly Devoted to You
The two sisters, Torie and Tara are picked up by their dates, Rebel Brien and Rival Bill, respectively. They make a very good-looking foursome and share a limo in double-date fashion. Torie says she never imagined making a connection like the one she has with Brien and reiterates her fears that their relationship will be over after the reunion because of his reluctance to commit to a relationship.
The rest of the dateless folks pile into various limos and make their way to the prom. The various couples make their entrance hand in hand or arms entwined, and Loudmouth John follows suit by entering with his arm slung around the shoulders of Kristian, the former-nerd-turned-pretend-millionaire. They pose for a prom photo together, and Kristian confesses that it is bizarre attending the prom with all of the snobby, popular kids. He feels that they only like him because they think he has money, and expresses his growing nervousness over the fact that he and Matt will have to reveal their non-millionaire status to the other classmates this evening. He suspects that the others may feel very insulted when they learn how they were deceived. I’m thinking he’s right and that we are sure to see the flop hit the fan before the night’s end.
The last couple to arrive is former-Shy-Guy Eze and Predator Jen. Nikol looks visibly ill as Jen swaggers in on Eze’s arm. She explains that seeing Jen brings back very bad memories for her. In case you’ve forgotten, Jim and Nikol attended their senior homecoming dance together, and at some point, Jim was seen getting hot and heavy with Jen on the dance floor. This incident ended up leading to him and Nikol breaking up, so I can see how Nikol would rather Jen fall into a crack an disappear rather than be anywhere near her man on prom night.
There are Worse Things I Could Do, Than Go with a Boy or Two
Predator Jen makes the observation that Nikol seems to have been in love with Jim for the last ten years. She states that she doesn’t think her feelings for Jim are as deep as Nikol’s but she wants to see where things go with him. Huh? “Things are going with him” with Nikol, lady, take a hint. Plus, you asked another guy to be your date to the prom, remember? Jen states that in high school, she got Jim to fall in love with her and break-up with Nikol, and she is sure that she could make it happen again if she makes a move on him. And with that, Jen brings the term “skanky ho” to a whole new level.
Born to Hand Jive, Baby
The party gets rolling with Loudmouth John whooping it up at the microphone. The liquor is flowing and the classmates tear up the dance floor. Meathead Brian swings Nikki around so high that fuzzy blob guy has to be called into the editing room. Loretta dirty dances with someone, I am guessing it is Gianni, but all we see is a close-up of her black-lace-covered thigh humping someone’s leg. Meanwhile, Jaime sits at the table with the two “millionaires” as they eat some food and Matt confesses to the camera that he has a knot in the pit of his stomach when he thinks about revealing their secret.
Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee – Lousy with a Falsity
There’s nothing worse than hanging around and waiting for something awful to happen when you know it is inevitable. Kristian decides that since he has had a few drinks and taken the edge off, he is ready to suck it up and admit that he and Matt are nothing but a couple of frauds. He grabs the microphone and says he’d like to make an announcement. He explains that he and Matt wanted to come to the reunion to have fun, but that they want to lay the cards on the table and admit the truth – that they are not millionaires. Da-duh! Silence from the crowd. Then Carin pipes up to save the day, “That’s okay, we love you for who you are!” I don’t know if this is true or not, but hey, it sure sounds good, and seems to be a sufficient answer for everyone, because they all start working it on the dance floor again as soon as possible. Let’s just say that I am totally shocked because I expected some serious fallout form this little confession. Meathead Brian says that he really doesn’t care if the nerds have money or not, and Jaime also claims that the money isn’t important to her. She thinks Matt is a great guy who she missed getting to know in high school. That’s the end of that. I was hoping for some serious humiliation. What a disappointment.
Rock and Roll Party Queen
Nikki steps up to the mic and she also has some announcements. The first is that she’d like to announce the Prom Queen and Prom King. The lucky winners are …Carin! And….Meathead Brian! They are both thrilled to be chosen and the festivities recommence. The next announcement is more of an introduction – Nikki announces that the Gin Blossoms are going to play for them. This band must have been a favorite for these folks because everyone is really excited and hootin’ and hollerin’. The band takes the stage and launches into a song that gets the classmates hoppin’ and reminiscing about their high school days. Everyone is dancing and singing along with the band, and Jim twirls Nikol and dips her over and over. These two seem really happy to be at the dance together, and plant kisses on each other every chance they get. When the band finishes, Nikki grabs the microphone once more to invite the drummer to come back and hang out with them (meaning her). He returns and they sit and flirt, posing for a picture together and eventually end up locking lips. Nikii is triumohant over finally having found a guy to hook up with. Phew! There is a lot of making out going on in general, as we also see Gianni and Loretta, Brien and Torie, and even Bill and Tara kissing on the dance floor at one time or another.
Reunion Lovin’ Happened So Fast
Torie pulls Brien M. outside to have a word with him. She tells him that she really wants to continue seeing him after the reunion and she wants to know where he stands. She thinks he doesn’t want to keep seeing her, based on the conversation they had at their most recent hall pass. He is very straightforward with her as he explains that he is afraid of how quickly their relationship has progressed. He has had the time of his life and wants to keep dating her, but he wants to start their relationship at square one and go from there. Torie seems pacified by his answer, and they exchange a kiss to seal the deal.
You Ain’t Nuthin’ but a Hound Dog
Nikol is seated with Gianni, Loretta, and Meathead Brian at a table and they all begin to wonder where Jim has gone off to. The camera shows us that he is seated outside on the ground with Jen, having a conversation. Uh oh. He tells her about how Nikol had hurt him in high school and how they have tried to rekindle their relationship. Jen takes this as a hint that she should concentrate her efforts on Jim and make a move on him. As she stares at him, I can just barely detect little evil beams of slutty seduction shooting from her eyes and piercing his testosterone-ridden brain. She complains that he has already had several hall passes with Nikol, while the two of them have barely had an hour together. Jim, having recently realized he loves Nikol imagining himself spending the rest of his life with her, tells Predator Jen to get lost and take her skanky ways elsewhere, right? WRONG. The next thing we know, Jen and Jim are holed up in a stall in the men’s bathroom, making out. My jaw hits the ground. I couldn’t be more shocked that what they showed us in the previews actually comes true and is not just some cruel editing trick.
When Jim comes out of the bathroom stall and sees that the cameraman has captured his unbelievable idiocy on tape, he is suddenly struck with a conscience and quickly seeks out Nikol so that he can confess what he has done before she learns of it from someone else. He finds her and tells her he needs to tell her something, but is unable to spit it out and resorts to his childish nature, forcing her to try and guess what happened. Can you say, “spinelss coward”? Jim tells the camera that he doesn’t know what it is about Jen that makes him do things he wouldn’t normally do. My guess it is her Super Skank powers. Never underestimate the power of the Skank.
When Nikol does guess that Jim and Jen have kissed, she gets upset and wants to confront Jen. Jim has insinuated that Jen was the instigator of the kiss between them. After getting some input from Jaime, Nikol realizes that Jen is not the only one to blame and that Jim shares some of the responsibility for what happened. Jaime tells Jim to be a man and admit what he has done.
Nikol finds Jen in the bathroom with Carin, Jaime, and Tara. She asks her what happened and why. Jen is able to admit that she followed Jim into the men’s bathroom, but refuses to answer Nikol when she asks why she did so. Nikol gets upset and covers Carin’s mouth as Carin weakly tries to defend Jen. She gets more and more worked up, prompting the others to tell her to calm down. She leaves the restroom in a huff and Carin asks Jen why she made a move on Jim. Jen says that she did it because she has feelings for Jim and has been trying so hard to stay out of his business with Nikol. By “staying out of it”, I guess she means “try to break them up at every opportunity”. Carin calls her out and tells her that what she is saying is BS, and that she is always doing that with men. She calls her “Silent But Deadly” because she sneaks in for the kill. Hmm, in my day, that phrase referred to an act of flatulence. I guess that fits this situation, because I think Jen really stinks. Jen has nothing to say to defend herself.
Blue Moon/Tears on my Pillow
As the evening comes to an end, Jim and Nikol leave together in their limo. Jim sits with his eyes closed and Nikol sits as far from him as possible, covering her eyes. She asks him what he was thinking, and if the kiss had any tongue involved. Jim fumbles over his answer and finally admits that there was. Nikol’s disgust is palpable and she says at least she understands now how little he cares about her.
When the rest of the classmates have returned to the house, Nikol pulls Jen aside for a talk. Jen is very reluctant to go with Nikol, and rightfully so. If I were Jen, I’d be fearing for my safety right about now, because Nikol is pissed. When she pushes Jen for an explanation, Jen spouts a bunch of crap about trying to stay out of it, and being slow to show her feelings for Jim, and giving in to his advances. She tells Nikol that it was Jim who suggested they meet in the bathroom, and I can see in Nikol’s eyes that this is the final nail in Jim’s coffin. When Jim enters the room, Nikol gives him a chance to defend himself and asks if what Jen is saying is true, but he stands there like the immature, selfish pig that he is and doesn’t answer. He just stares down with a guilty look on his face, which tells Nikol everything she needs to know.
Nikol withdraws to be by herself, saying how devastated and embarrassed she is. Jim follows her and tries to talk to her, but she won’t listen to him. Outside a storm rages –fitting, don’t you think? - and for the first time we see the classmates confined to the inside of their estate, where they lounge around and soak up the post-prom drama.
We Go Together – or not
On the last day of the reunion, the classmates prepare to say their goodbyes. Everyone feels that they got some new friendships out of the experience. Kristian and Matt get a very warm and friendly goodbye, complete with lots of hugs, and it seems that they too are walking away from this with a positive experience, in spite of their stupid choice to deceive the rest of the class. Kristian expresses a special fondness for Meathead Brian for pulling him aside and making him feel welcome. Awww, maybe he’s really not such a meathead after all. Brian even cries as he says his own goodbyes and leaves the estate, saying he’ll really miss the rest of the peeps.
Carin is next to leave and gets hugs and kisses from everyone. She gets an especially teary goodbye from Jaime, who expresses how happy she is to have rekindled their friendship. Carin walks away from the reunion feeling as if she proved she was more than just the “fat girl”. I’m sure being crowned Prom Queen didn’t hurt a bit.
Jaime is next to say her goodbyes. She even receives a friendly kiss and hug from Gianni, her ex-boyfriend, with whom she spent the first few days arguing. She says she came to the reunion to reconnect with Gianni, but realized that she had missed out on so many relationships with both guys and girls because she was so obsessed with him in high school. So she is happy to finally be over him and to be walking away from this reunion with some true friendships. Good for you, Jaime.
Jen prepares to leave and gets hugs and kisses from all those that will speak to her. She goes on and on about how great it was to kiss Jim because they waited so long for it to happen. She flies away on her broomstick and vanishes in a cloud of green smoke. Jen, do yourself and all of mankind a favor and get some therapy. You’ve got issues, girlfriend.
Nikki says a teary goodbye to everyone, exchanging an especially weepy hug with Nikol. She is proud to have come to the reunion and shown everyone that she has changed and grown into a strong, confident woman. Annnd she made out with the drummer of the Gin Blossoms. Bonus.
As Eze gets ready to leave the house, he gives Nikol a long hug. He is happy that he got all of his feelings for her off of his chest, and says he has no regrets. He says he would be happy to be friends with her back home if she is interested.
Brien and Torie say their goodbyes and walk away from the reunion hand in hand. They both reiterate how great it is that they found each other and this unexpected connection.
Gianni and Loretta take one last walk together along the beach. Gianni says that he knew from the moment he saw her that he did not want to spend time with any other girl. They sit solemnly on the beach and they’re both emotional as Loretta tells him that she has had a great time and she’ll really miss him. She promises to come visit him in Italy and see where things go from there. I’m feeling pretty positive about their future until she asks him to pinky swear over the trip to Italy. Not the dreaded pinky swear! In reality television, the pinky swear is like the kiss of death. But I’m a romantic at heart, and I’m going to hope their fairy tale romance has a happy ending.
Last, but certainly not least, the time has come for Jim and Nikol to say goodbye to each other. Jim hopes he can repair things with Nikol, at least to the point of friendship. He has come to realize that if it were not Jen that interfered in their relationship, it would have been something else. He finds her sitting in the living room and tells her that while he cares about her and loves her, he allowed himself to be confused and believe that he was in lovewith her. In other words, “Its not you, its me”. Wow, first “he’s not into you” and now this? Poor Nikol. Jim says he is sorry he hurt her and that is the last thing he ever wanted to do. Pshaw. I still say he’s a schmuck.
Nikol says she came to the reunion for closure with Jim, and boy, did she ever get it. It wasn’t exactly the closure she had hoped for, but she feels she will finally be able to put this behind her and open herself up to new relationships. You go, girl.
That brings us to the end of another season of High School
TrainwreckReunion. Be sure to check back next season for more broken hearts, delusions of grandeur, and fuzzy blob activities.
Grease is the email@example.com