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Thread: Hell's Kitchen 6/25 Minicap: Where's the Overcooked Beef?

  1. #1
    Salty waywyrd's Avatar
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    Jul 2003
    South Carolina

    Hell's Kitchen 6/25 Minicap: Where's the Overcooked Beef?

    It’s an F-bomb extravaganza as Fashion Night continues with Clemenza jumping the gun, firing up a bunch of scallops well before he was supposed to. Ramsay jumps down his throat, and all is forgiven. For now. Tonight features three mini fashion shows, with our hapless “chefs” needing to get the timing down for each course. We’ve all watched this long enough to know that won’t happen.

    So the first show begins, Brian drools all over himself like a two month old, and the girls on the Red team get catty about the skinny models sashaying down the runway. Meow. Foul-mouthed Tiffany is on scallops - when Barbie tries to give the witch tips on how to keep them from sticking to the pan, Tiffany goes off. Ramsay turns his evil eye on her, bellowing about wrecked scallops. Robyn, in her usual spastic Jack Russell terrier style, irritates Christina by trying to butt into her work station to “help”. Christina blows her off as Clemenza wrecks another bunch of scallops and has to refire them. If there’s ever a world shortage on sea scallops, I know why.

    Creeper Brian hops over to help Clemenza with the scallops, as the second part of the show is waiting on these dingbats to finish the food. Once done, the swimsuit portion of the fashion show begins. Cue the men’s brains to shut down, as most of these clowns can’t focus with girls in bikinis nearby. Am I the only one who thinks Brian is probably on the sex offender registry somewhere? Robyn impresses Chef at first by cooking the beef perfectly, but then proceeds to screw up the next batch, making beef jerky out of it. Ramsay rants. And oops - the Red team is slap out of beef. A desperate Robyn pleads for someone to pilfer a few from the Blue kitchen, but nobody wants to get busted for it. When Ramsay asks what the holdup is on the beef, Robyn stupidly asks him if she could get a few from the guys. Gordon blows a gasket, yelling “It’s a competition, you silly cow!”

    The blunders pile up as Guy tries to serve up cold beef, Tiffany sends up cold swordfish (and tries to let other people take the blame), and Royce almost gets himself thrown out for wiping the plates with a filthy rag. The sneer on Ramsay’s face was frightening. They should make Halloween masks with that look on them, they’d frighten the crap out of children.

    Finally, the show is over, and hopefully everyone was served something that resembled good food. Then Ramsay spies a big pan of cooked swordfish. Clemenza strikes again! He sputters something about being told the wrong quantity to cook, but honestly, the guy is about as organized as a tornado. He just can't keep track of what's going on.

    The Red team manages to pull out the win, and Robyn and Kimmie are back as BFFs. For once, there is no screaming and bitching on the Red team. It lasts about 30 seconds, until crazy Robyn hops on Christina for not letting her help earlier. The matter is settled with a minimum of yelling, and everything is back to sweetness and light. And cigarettes. Many, many cigarettes.

    A highly upset Clemenza is nominated, as is a perplexed Guy. I don't know what Guy did that was so awful, but there you go. Clemenza gives an impassioned speech about how awesome a chef he is, earning fist pumps and yays from the Red team. Guy doesn’t say much to save his butt, so he gets the boot as the Red team claps for Clemenza. The Blue team? Wasn’t so happy to have him back.

    F-bombs dropped: 107
    “Piss Off!” : 1
    It was me. I let the dogs out.

  2. #2
    I know, You know, Space Invaders Champion, Asteroids Champion, GalaGalaGa Champion, Add It Up Champion, Titans Champion, Little Protectors Champion
    Join Date
    Dec 2005

    Re: Hell's Kitchen 6/25 Minicap: Where's the Overcooked Beef?

    Over 100?!! Wow, that's a new high... or low, depending how you look at it.

    I actually didn't think Brian was that bad about the women. Not sex offender registry level, just creeper level.

    Way to insult Jack Russel terriers.
    waywyrd likes this.

  3. #3
    FORT Fogey jadewarlock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Re: Hell's Kitchen 6/25 Minicap: Where's the Overcooked Beef?

    All I'm going to say is Clemenza does not look well - he is overweight I know but he doesn't look like he feels well (at least on the unconscious physical working level - biological I mean).

    Everyone else - even overweight, at least look healthy enough to cook on this show.

    That all said, it's just... I don't know, I think Ramsay would just like to bundle up in that sleeping bag and be in a Cocoon blocked off from the insanity and virus that "HK" has become.

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