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Thread: Hell’s Kitchen Week 7: J Would Like To Buy a Vowel, Vanna

  1. #1
    LG. is offline
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    Sep 2002
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    Hell’s Kitchen Week 7: J Would Like To Buy a Vowel, Vanna

    Welcome back to Hell’s Kitchen, foodies and friends. The red team is recovering from yet another loss, with Coi’s departure. Carol was shocked that Andrea didn’t put her up for elimination, and then explains that LA should be “doing more” and Paula backs up Andrea. Carol and LA see themselves as against Carol and Paula. If I’m picking sides in a girl-fight, I definitely want LA on my team, as she looks like she could take pretty much any of those other girls.

    Tapas: A New Concept for These Chefs

    The next day in the kitchen, Ramsay’s sous chefs Scott and Gloria bring out salmon six ways, introducing a variety of tapas. Six small, nice, vibrant portions – Ramsay wants each team to create 5 small tapas, and the catch is that they need to use leftovers.

    They need to even up the teams. Ramsay toys with Lacey, telling her that the ladies haven’t won since she left the team. Then he sends Giovanni to the red team. Gio says “hey, there are more ladies on the red team.” That is the best attitude we’ve seen in this kitchen in a long time. I think Gio will do just fine with the ladies.

    Lacey has no idea what to make, and Robert decides to again be a complete hypocrite and call her a “fat bitch.” I guess that would make Robert an even fatter bitch. Good lord, hasn’t he ever heard of people who live in glass houses – and how they shouldn’t walk around naked if they’re obese.

    Head to Head Tapas Showdown

    First up are Danny and Paula – Paula’s peppered steak with leaks vs. Danny’s grilled fillet with mushroom ragu. They each get a point for their teams. Um, ok, so why are they head to head again if there isn’t one winner and one loser?

    Next up: Lacey’s undercooked leak vs. LA’s ginger and asparagus soup, which looks and tastes like it came out of a dishwasher. They both get zero. Again, why are we head to head?

    Next round of tapas, we have Carol’s ginger rubbed tofu marinated in what she thought was soy sauce, but was really balsamic vinegar. I’m no gourmet, but I think even I can tell the difference between those two sauces. Robert cooked a lamb loin with good flavor but too big of a portion for a tapa. Robert gets a point, and reinforces to us that he eats huge portions of everything. You don’t get to be 400 pounds by not eating, I guess.

    Next up, Andrea has an open-faced lobster ravioli that looks lousy but tastes good. J cooks a boring lobster dish, and then J cries to the camera that he “hurt his soul” with losing. Point for Andrea. The teams are tied.

    The final head to head features Ben’s tuna’s vs. Gio’s lobster claw. Both dishes were good and took a lot of work. Ramsay declares the red team the winners, so Gio is a hero for his new teammates.

    Not unlike life, Ben is a three-time loser in the head to head challenges.

    Here’s A Tip, Don’t Bet On the Old Nag

    Punishment for the blue team, they need to prep both kitchens for service that night, and they need to wash and stack new smaller dishes for the special tapas menu. Robert pulls out some plates that are 18 inches in diameter, as nothing says “tapas” like a portion that could serve a family of 12.

    Carol is excited to have Gio on the team. Gio tries to pull the team together, then they head to the horse races. They tease Gordon about whether he’s ever had a stress free day, and he says, yes, when he flies back to England.

    Lacey doesn’t do anything for prep, and they give us great shots of her moping around and then picked her pants out of her butt.

    Robert wants to use a Jedi mind trick and choke the life out of Lacey with his mind. Lacey has a tantrum and threatens to quit, and no-one leaps in to stop her. She storms off, saying she quits, but no, the guys can’t possibly be that lucky. Lacey is tired of being the ‘donkey’ of the group and says she’s not going to jeopardize her health for this contest. Is doing your job now considered a health threat? I didn’t realize these folks were on Ice Road Truckers or The Deadliest Catch, as I don’t know the death rate is really that high for chefs.

    Robert wants Lacey to be chef at the mental ward so she can get some free help. Ben goes out and kisses her ass, telling Lacey again that they need her. Ben should get some points for pulling her back to help the team. He must be married, as he’s got that routine down pat.

    Another Dinner Service From [And In] Hell

    Jean Phillipe opens the doors, and in stroll the beautiful people starting at 6 pm.

    There is a risotto catastrophe because during prep J overcooked the rice for both teams. He had apparently cooked all of it in one pan and did a crappy job. He just screwed up both kitchens starting out, and everyone knows that screwing up risotto is a one-way ticket out of the kitchen.

    Carol and Andrea somehow combined to screw up pasta, and Ramsay made them go out to the dining room and eat a plate of the raw pasta as mid-service punishment. They wolf it down in a hurry to get back to their posts. I’m sure Lacey would have sulked and not done it, so kudos to the ladies for getting it done.

    J burns fish and screws up more things, leading to a private screaming in the kitchen pantry scene. Who knew that “pantry cam” would have such juicy footage.

    Ramsay calls LA a silly cow. She’s not a big fan of being referred to as lifestock, and says “in the real world, if someone calls you a cow or a bitch, you hit them.” Well, not in my real world, as that would still be a battery. You can’t really respond to verbal abuse with physical abuse without risk of criminal prosecution, but I’m still not going to be fool enough to call LA names.

    J cooks rubbery scallops, and that is it for him.
    Strike one – lousy rice for the risotto.
    Strike two – burned fish.
    Strike three – rubbery scallops.
    And J is out of there mid-service. Ramsay strips him of his jacket and kicks him out right in the middle of dinner.

    Now it’s back to the food court for J. He packs and leaves while service is still taking place. He jumps in a cab and plans the next phase for the J Maxwell Experience. That reminds me of The Randy Disher Project, for any fans of Monk. J, you are a weird, weird person, and we hardly knew ya.

    The Dinner Service Aftermath: The Post-J Era

    The blue team scrambles around switching stations, and they wonder if Ben is going to rise or fall in the face of this challenge.

    Gio starts leading the red team, and LA compliments him for his spikey hair. Um, ok. I guess that is one way to measure a chef.

    Ben has a problem with the Beef Wellington’s and is cooking them in the oven instead of the confection oven, oh my. As a contrast, Paula had a perfect Wellington.

    Ramsay tells Ben: “I’m watching you like a #$%&*! hawk because I want you out.” Ramsay now takes Ben to the pantry to yell at him for putting Wellington’s onto a dirty tray. More hot pantry-cam action.

    Three hours into service and they are actually finishing service.

    The red team won the service, but Carol and Andrea are still sniping at each other. Pretty soon Gio is going to be referee to a major catfight. Not that I think he’ll mind, unless it interferes with dinner service. Andrea laughs while Carol fumes and Paula piles on.

    Everybody Hates Lacey

    Blue team lost and needs to think about one person that you don’t want on your team. Danny is gunning for Ben to leave, saying he sucked at every dinner service. Lacey doesn’t want to put up Robert or Danny because they both did well, so Ben is ticked because he’s been her only cheerleader. Robert wants to get rid of Lacey because she’s not a team player and has a terrible attitude. Robert says “I swear to God, if Lacey wins this show, I’ll hang up my jacket and become a crack whore.” I don’t know that many crack dealers, but do you think there would really be a market for Robert in that field?

    Ramsay asks who they want out. Robert calls Lacey with her crappy attitude, calling her a cancer. Ramsay says “holy crap” because Robert got that off his big chest. Lacey wants to get rid of Robert because they can’t work together. That’s strange, because just minutes ago she was gunning for Ben because he was the weakest chef.

    Danny wants to get rid of Lacey for her piss-poor attitude, and Ben falls in line and also says Lacey needs to go because she was holding up the whole team with her bad attitude and threats to leave, which affected service.

    Ramsay wants to hear from Lacey and Ben, even though no-one nominated Ben. He asks Ben who was the worst in the kitchen tonight, and Ben admits it was him. Lacey says she was initially scared of working on the line, and that she’s learned a lot and grown. Between someone who can’t get along with a team, and someone who can’t cook meat. He tells Ben he “wants his jacket” and gives him one more chance. He tells Lacey she needs to start working with her team, and makes the whole blue team agree to work together. Robert calls Lacey a cockroach, but says Ramsay will be the Raid.

    Remember, you can’t spell “meat” without the letters in “team” so it’s time to start working and cooking together. Next week IguanaChocolate will be sub-recapping as I will be out of town, so check out IC’s great recap and I’ll be back the week after that.
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

  2. #2
    FORT Fogey Vonna's Avatar
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    Feb 2005
    Central California

    Re: Hell’s Kitchen Week 7: J Would Like To Buy a Vowel, Vanna

    Great Recap L.G.

    Robert calls Lacey a cockroach, but says Ramsay will be the Raid.

    and we all know Ben will get "sprayed" before Lacey.
    I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
    Maya Angelou

  3. #3
    Red Sox Nation Brooks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004

    Re: Hell’s Kitchen Week 7: J Would Like To Buy a Vowel, Vanna

    Thanks, LG, and have a good trip and fine dining!

  4. #4
    Mixing Old Fashioneds PhoneGrrrl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004

    Re: Hell’s Kitchen Week 7: J Would Like To Buy a Vowel, Vanna

    Awesome recap, LG!

    He jumps in a cab and plans the next phase for the J Maxwell Experience. That reminds me of The Randy Disher Project, for any fans of Monk.

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