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Thread: Hell's Kitchen Week 5: Fortune Cookies From Hell

  1. #1
    LG. is offline
    FORT Writer LG.'s Avatar
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    Sep 2002
    frozen tundra

    Hell's Kitchen Week 5: Fortune Cookies From Hell

    Welcome back, fans and foodies. Last week we lost my favorite contestant, Seth the stalker. He will be sorely missed – not for his cooking skills (which were sorely lacking) but for his creepy obsession with Gordon Ramsay. Toodles, Seth.

    With Seth’s departure, the teams were uneven and Ramsay sends Lacey to be on the blue team, which are the remaining guys. The blue team is blue, and the ladies rejoice. Colleen should be worried as she’s now clearly the weakest link on the red team with Lazy Lacey out of the mix. She is not that insightful however, and the women think they will be unstoppable now without Lacey’s negative energy.

    This week the chefs make fortune cookies which are never served, so I managed to get a box of them and will be using the fortunes as our section titles this week.

    Confucius says, This Challenge Looks A Lot Like Top Chef

    This week’s reward challenge is to make three courses in Asian Fusion cuisine. Very similar to Top Chef, they are asked to pair up to shop for one seafood dish, one poultry, one meat from each team, with a $100 spending limit per team. They have just 25 minutes in an Asian market. Andrea had thoughts on ingredients; Carol thought she was just being loud. It’s about time we got introduced to a new conflict between contestants, now with Lacey off the red team and Seth out the door.

    The guys decide to just grab stuff and try to figure it out later. Interesting strategy when you have a total of 25 minutes to shop. Lacey whines to her new team, and the guys ignore her.

    Everyone’s favorite directive is to work in pairs. Ben shows Lacy what he’s doing and she gives him some of her sarcastic best.

    This week we have a guest judge from Epicurious.com: Recipes, Menus, Cooking Articles & Food Guides , a woman named Tanya Steel that some of the chefs recognize but Giovanni does not. You can check out their coverage of appearing on the show here: Behind the Scenes at Hell's Kitchen at Epicurious.com

    Epic-Curiousity Killed the Cat, but Satisfaction Brought Him Back

    Our reward challenge teams compete head to head. Carol and Coi vs. Robert and Danny in the poultry category. Carol likes pomegranate because it’s a fruity fruit. Robert’s is a combination of Southern and Asian. The Southern / Asian Fusion by the guys which wins over dry pomegranate chicken. Guys get one point.

    Paula and LA against Ben and Lacey on seafood. The ladies’ ahi tuna tempura was perfectly cooked. The guys made pan seared scallops combined with sea urchin and caviar. Gordon makes a face when they describe the combination. The ladies tuna wins – collaboration from the ladies, and such a successful dish that Ramsay adds it to their menu for the next service. The score is tied.

    Andrea and Colleen vs. J and Giovanni on meat. Kobe beef shashimi with peper flakes from the ladies, seemed like it was a little too spice. J doesn’t know what beef the guys served, Gio has to tell him. The beef was good, but the guys undercooked the rice. Apparently undercooked rice is worse than overly spiced beef and the ladies win.

    Robert is mad at the female judge for siding with the ladies, but isn’t sure if it’s a sisterhood or a brotherhood.

    You Are In Store For an Interesting Adventure – Red Team Only

    As punishment, the guys and Lacey need to make fortune cookies and origami. Lacey cries and whines about losing again, but this seems like a much easier task than other punishments. It sure beats hauling around half a beef or dumpster diving.

    Lacey’s voice is like a “tack hammer in the eye” to Robert. I’d say “no thanks for the visual Robert” but I’m saving that line for later. Folks who’ve seen the show know what I’m talking about. Ack, pass the brain bleach, I’m thinking about it again.

    For their reward, the ladies watch Ramsay and Jean Phillipe grapple in Sumo Wrestler costumes. Poor JP didn’t look like he was enjoying the costume at all. Ramsay was “tossing him around like yesterday’s salad.” Um, ok. To each his or her own.

    Then the ladies suited up. I think this is a lousy “reward” and frankly I’d rather be making fortune cookies and origami than putting on some uncomfortable, sweaty suit and wrestling. Carol and Coi battled, smallest vs. biggest. Andrea and LA – LA’s helmet too big, but takes out Andrea. LA asks to watch out for her lip ring. Thank heavens, I was worried it was a tumor or something.

    Back with the Blue Team, the fortune cookies are done, former outcast Lacey is leading the team in origami cranes. She actually taught the guys how to make the origami and they actually didn’t hate her for a couple of minutes. Savor it Lacey. Your moment to shine – paper cranes.

    Finally something resembling a reward, the ladies learn about sake. LA and Coi like it and drink a bunch. They come back tipsy.

    You Will Have a Pleasant Dinner - When You Get Home

    Time for Dinner service. Ramsay has added Paula’s tuna dish to the menu. Giovanni and LA both got compliments on their risotto. Thank heavens some of the chefs actually bothered to figure out how Mr. Finicky he likes his risotto.

    Keeping with tonight’s theme, sort of, a group of sumo wrestlers arrive and request the entire menu. They eat like horses, according to Ramsay. I wouldn’t say that. Horses are vegetarians, and these guys are definitely omnivores. It must pay well to be a sumo wrestler, because ordering “all of it” on any menu is going to pricey unless you’re at the dollar buffet.

    Lacey is communicating and working well with her team. Her teammates are not hating her. Wow, Lacey’s moment in the sun continues. Maybe the change of teams is actually bringing out her inner non-bitch.

    Beef Wellington’s Are the Harbinger of Doom

    Andrea is burning the bottoms of many beef Wellington’s and they are stacking up. Not to be left out, the guys are not faring any better on beef. J’s are too rare. Wellington disasters. The fan was on low instead of high, who knows why.

    Colleen gets yelled at for leaving the oven door open. Andrea’s hiding her burned Welly’s like the Easter bunny. Oh yum, I can’t wait to go for a burned Wellington beef hunt next month.

    Robert takes great offense when Ramsay calls him Bobby, which was his father’s name and he goes off the rails. Chef Ramsay kicks him out of the kitchen. The, Robert moons the camera, then goes back to the kitchen and serves food without washing his hands. There it is folks: “Robert, no thank you for that mental image.” Uugh, pass the brain bleach. You could show a movie on that ass. Even worse, Robert had been riding Lacey about being fat. Hello Mr. Pot, meet Kettle. I’ve wanted to like Robert, but he’s making it plenty hard to like him.

    Colleen’s desserts were not good – raw pastry and raw pear. Maybe it is because she left the oven door open. Hmmmm, would that cause it?

    Dinner service is circling the drain and Ramsay shuts it down. We get to hear the whole familiar tirade: “That was pathetic. You were absolutely useless. Worst performance so far.” Yada yada yada, everyone gets kicked out and goes home to eat some actual food. I wonder if the sumo wrestlers got most of their order before the kitchen came crashing shut. I would not want hungry angry sumo wrestlers in my restaurant.

    Beware of What You Wish For, Because It Just Might Happen

    Robert wants to speak with Ramsay in private to ask him not to call him Bobby. Donkey is fine, Bobby is intolerable. Ramsay seems quite human about it, says he understands why that is an issue for Robert, and agrees not to call him Bobby. Booby, however, is not off the table. Especially given his penchant for exposing himself near the food.

    Giovanni was tops of the men, LA for the ladies, so they need to pick one from each team to nominate for elimination. Someone on the ladies team states that Colleen is consistently – consistently screws up on every service. Gio can’t pick Lacey because she “kicked ass” during service. Wow, if The Weakest Link actually had contestants who kicked people out based on merit, it might still be airing.

    LA nominated Andrea for her poor cooking and communication that night. Giovanni picked J for his poor service, but Robert was also close. Says J was worse than Robert by a fraction. J had completely forgotten a lamb order – ooops. If Giovanni had seen the video of Robert’s backside, that fraction may have gone the other way (along with losing lunch).

    Ramsay listens to their defenses and then tells Andrea and J to get back in line. Oh, so he really doesn’t care who was nominated. He tells Robert to wake up, and then tells Colleen she is out. Bam, right out of the blue, Colleen needs to hand over her jacket.

    He thinks she’s done terrible, but she was very tenacious and didn’t give up, which he said the rest of the chefs should emulate. Colleen wishes that Ramsay would teach a class at her cooking school some day. Ramsay admires Colleen’s attitude, but says that there was no place that he could put Colleen in the kitchen that wasn’t a disaster. She should go back to teaching.

    Sadly we are losing another of our more interesting contestants. Previews indicate Carol and Andrea going after each other, and service for a bar mitzvah. I wonder if Hell’s Kitchen is going to have two sets of dishes?
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

  2. #2
    Red Sox Nation Brooks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004

    Re: Hell's Kitchen Week 5: Fortune Cookies From Hell

    You could show a movie on that ass.
    Worth waiting for, LG, thanks! Hope you had a great weekend.

  3. #3
    FORT Hikikomori HaikenEdge's Avatar
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    Jan 2005

    Re: Hell's Kitchen Week 5: Fortune Cookies From Hell

    Spot on review.
    Revenge is ice cream.

  4. #4
    Warped Reality TV_Junkie's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    Missouri, USA

    Re: Hell's Kitchen Week 5: Fortune Cookies From Hell

    Thanks for the recap!
    ~Supernatural Addict~

  5. #5
    Premium Member
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    Jun 2007

    Re: Hell's Kitchen Week 5: Fortune Cookies From Hell

    Great job on the recap LG, and I don't want to see Robert's bum again evah.

  6. #6
    FORT Newbie Can't Look Away's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009

    Re: Hell's Kitchen Week 5: Fortune Cookies From Hell

    Great recap! You had me in stitches:

    "Maybe the change of teams is actually bringing out her inner non-bitch."
    "You could show a movie on that ass."
    "Ack, pass the brain bleach, I’m thinking about it again."

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