Hell’s Kitchen is back for its tenth season, and it’s still as silly as ever. This season, they promise that there will be more drama, more fighting, and it will be more intense and more physical than Ever Before. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like there will be more good cooking. The “winner” gets a gig at Ramsay’s steakhouse in Vegas (remind me not to go there if one of these clowns ends up running the show).
Right off the bat, sous chef Scott scares the crap out of everyone by asking for volunteers. To shave their heads in a show of how badly they want this thing. Eyes bug out, and several of the women look like they want to run away screaming. One of the guys gamely steps up and gets buzzed, and then one of the women follows. Looks of horror abound. But, it was all a joke. These two were just friends of Scott. A ha ha. *sigh*
The signature dish challenge gave me hope, as there were quite a few dishes that weren’t spit out and called dog food. Alas, my hopes will be dashed later on. A few of the highlights:
Robyn: Ramsay quite liked it. She went up against Don’s, which was too spicy for Chef.
Tiffany’s mess of a dish was likened to a wet diaper, while Guy’s was said to taste like a fish sundae. Yum.
Both Roshni and Royce nailed their dishes, winning points.
Dana cooked perfect scallops (gasp!), while “executive chef” Tavon’s dish was called hideous. And rank.
Clemenza (who had a rather disgusting coughing/sweating/hacking spell where I was waiting for a piece of lung to make an appearance) poured way too much truffle oil on his dish, losing a point and allowing the women to win this first challenge.
So the menfolk get to clean up all the mess while the women get a steak dinner. Tavon wails that he’s wearing his skinny white jeans and doesn’t want to clean up, while I laugh at the twerp who said that men are better cooks than women. I didn’t catch his name, but...ha.
Dinner service, and all goes to hell. But you knew that was going to happen, right? We’ve got the usual: screwed up, undercooked scallops, raw Wellington, raw squab. You’d think the ovens didn’t work or something. Roshni earns the dubious title of being the first thrown out of the kitchen for raw scallops, with Tavon not far behind for the raw bird and his WTF-was-he-thinking mutilation of a batch of perfectly lovely sea scallops into sad little chunks that even Red Lobster would be embarrassed to serve.
Soon enough, the entire men’s team gets thrown out of the kitchen by a sputtering Ramsay, who shuts down the women’s side shortly after for failing to get one entree out. That’s right, not one entree made it to the tables. Pathetic.
Having been even more incompetent than the women, the Red Team loses and puts Tavon and a perplexed Don up, who did nothing wrong. Ramsay fumes and replaces Don with Royce, but boots out Tavon anyway. It was only right, seeing as how he murdered those helpless scallops.
Spit out food: 2
“It’s rawww!”: 4
F-bombs dropped: 78
Seriously, 78? I may have missed a few, which makes it even worse. Let’s cross our fingers that one of these goofballs is a real cook and they’re just hiding from us right now...