Hi friends and foodies, welcome back. Sorry this is so late. Sometimes real life grabs even reality tv recappers by the shorts just like a Gordon Ramsay review of Colleen’s cooking school. Ouch. Not to complain too much, as I wouldn’t want the other recappers to turn to me and claim, like Andrea told Lacey: “You just turned on your bitch switch.” Nice.
The ladies are carping about Ji leaving and Lacey staying (even though that was Ji’s call and not Lacey’s). Lacey attempts to counter, but is rather lazy about her defense. Who would expect anything more? Lacey asks if they want her to quit, and if not, then just shut up. That’s rather unlikely, but on we go.
We Need More Cowbell!
The chefs go to bed at 3 am, and then are woken up by clanging cowbells at 6 am. That’s awesome. I grew up in dairy farm country, and my friends whose families farmed were usually awake by 4 am to milk the cows, so this would have been a late morning coffee break for them.
Speaking of farming, it’s time to find out where steaks come from. I love these challenges, even though I don’t know that it’s completely necessary to know how to butcher in order to be a good chef. Apparently Colleen’s grandmother was a butcher. Yes, she said her grandmother, not grandfather, and yeay for that. My dad said all you needed to be a prosperous butcher was a heavy thumb, to keep on the scale when weighing meat. Cynical guy, my dad. So now I’m picturing Colleen’s grandma with thumbs straight out of Even Cowboys Get the Blues.
For the “Name Your Beef” challenge, the teams are given a table full of cuts of meat to label, and two cow mannequins, Jellybean and Bessie. Ben proclaims: “I know cow!” Those types of statements are best saved for the confessional, Ben, as Gordon Ramsay hasn’t taken Father Flannigan’s oath of silence.
On the men’s team, Giovanni works in a steakhouse, but self-proclaimed team leader Ben goes first for the cut identification round. Ben gets one wrong. Then Giovanni gets it right second try.
On the ladies’ side, Andrea got 2 wrong, Then Paula went next and finished it. Pretty close challenge so far.
On to Bessie and Jellybean. Colleen apparently didn’t inherit her grandmother’s butchering knowledge as she got 3 wrong. The guys were struggling too, and the ladies stayed rather steady until Lacey went and moved everything. 6 wrong from Lacey – wow, that’s terrible.
I can’t remember which guy went first and had 3 wrong. Seth went next and ended up with 7 wrong. Robert improves by 1 to 6, then Ben finishes it off. If you’re playing a game of Operation: Cow, don’t pick Lacey or Seth for your team. They have no clue.
Fly Me Away
The victorious guys win trip in private plane to go to a fancy steakhouse. The guys get dressed up, and Seth prepares for his date with Ramsey like the ladies on The Bachelor. Oh, he’s so dreamy. I hope we get some one on one time. I wonder if he knows what color my eyes are.
Robert is missing his wedding today to be on the show. He wears the shoes that he got for his wedding to the steakhouse. Let’s hope he doesn’t have to walk through a cow field as part of the reward.
The ladies’ punishment is far less fun, as they need to unload a half a beef off a truck and butcher it. Even though it seems to be cut to be quartered, they carry it in one piece, and it is heavy. Someone wonders if a teammate is bleeding, but no, it’s Bessie.
They slog through the punishment challenge, which is hard enough, but then have to for some straight out of Survivor reason, need to eat a plate of less desirable parts of beef. As I mentioned, I grew up in the country and we used to buy meat by the half a beef or pig, so I’ve had my fair share of liver, heart, and tongue. Yes tongue, the sandwich that tastes you back. Those were never my favorite meals (even though my mom proclaimed to love liver – uuugh, and actually bought extra from the butcher to serve it frequently), but were the barf bags really necessary? I think maybe it was the power of suggestion, as handing them the bags had the show’s desired effect: reminding us that this is not Top Chef.
Dinner Service: You Wait For Us, We Sabotage You
For some perverse reason, this week the ladies wait on the dining room while men cook for 2 hours for first seating, and then they swap places. It takes the ladies 20 minutes to get any orders up. Knowing the time crunch, that is just ridiculous. Yet it seems par for the course on this show.
The guys are having some challenges in the kitchen. Charlie’s cloth is on fire, yet he doesn’t seem to notice it even when everyone is yelling at him. Sound waves may be getting trapped in his silly goat beard and not make it to his ears.
Ben has desserts ready before the appetizers are ready. Ramsey is not impressed. Seth piles on. Ramsey asks if he’s been drinking and doesn’t get brownie points for his brownies.
Charlie’s appetizers are unappetizing. Back in the dining room, Lacey claims she didn’t know a Caesar Salad had anchovies. Ramsey thinks she’s bagging on the guys and calls her something ending with git. Maybe the Chef’s Salad at the catering buffet that Lacey works for doesn’t offer them, but it’s pretty much the standard recipe for the salad.
Steak house chef Giovanni’s steaks are coming out too raw. Mooo. Many steaks are getting returned. I love a good steak, but I don’t want some wave of blood wrecking my mashed potatoes. Gio please, cook them some more.
Back in the dining room, Lacey forgot a table. Of course she did. What a waste of plasma.
Seth has never cleaned a tenderloin. One of the guys asks: “Where have you cooked? Your parents’ house?” Seth butchers it, and not in a good way. Ramsey tosses the wasted meat right at Seth, who scooped it up to take home and put in his scrapbook of Ramsay memorabilia. Oh, my precious.
It’s been two hours, time for the guys to shut it down. Robert is embarrassed for himself, his family, his girlfriend (wouldn’t that be fiancee?). Robert, you’re far from the weakest link in this bunch.
Karma Has A Bitch Switch Too
Everyone leaves, and they turn it around. Now the guys wait tables and the ladies cook. Andrea shoots off her mouth yelling at the guys to bring them orders, swearing in front of customers. Classy.
Charlie needs Ben to find out if Charlie had taken a table’s order, as he didn’t remember. He had (who knows what he did with it) and Ben brings them long awaited butter – hope it’s fresh churned. As if Charlie’s service wasn’t poor enough, he dumps a vat of bacon all over a table, including in a woman’s hair and on her dress. Mmmmm, bacon.
Colleen gets berated plenty in the kitchen. She takes it with a smile. She’s got a lot longer fuse than anyone else who has ever been on the show. Maybe Colleen thinks that there will be a Miss Congeniality award, as there is no way that Ramsay will pick her to win, so why bother keeping on at this point.
Andrea is on the meat station. Guys in the dining room are returning steaks that Ramsey says are perfect. The ladies run out of New York Strip while 2 are ordered. The ladies run out of time. Once again, customers leave without being served. Remind me to stop by Applebee’s before going to dinner at Hell’s Kitchen, because there you can get a steak in less than 2 hours.
Judgment Day For . . .
This week the teams are being judged on dining room performance, cooking, and feedback from the customers. Not surprisingly, the worst wait staff awards go to Charlie and Lacey. Team that served the most entrees was the ladies, so they win. No comment on the customer feedback, so apparently, we they really don’t care. I’ve always wondered if those comment cards were just for amusement purposes only.
Because the guys have lost, the need to pick two nominees to face elimination. Seth wants to vote out Giovanni and says he’s trying to take out the best person. That’s a great thing to say to the camera. They’ll never find out now. Danny wouldn’t mind seeing him go because Gio is a hothead, but admits he’s not the worst chef.
Back in the dining room, Ramsay asks J who is nominated. J (who is still seething at “the Man” for making him cook fried chicken in a food court) indicates their first nominee is Seth, for his lack of kitchen etiquette and experience. Second nominee is Charlie for his poor execution, poor waiting skills. Seth jumps in and says J is not speaking for the men and wants to poll the jury. Ben looks ready to blow a gasket.
Ramsay just seems to ignore Seth’s pleas (I wish we could all do that more often) and calls Seth and Charlie to the front. Seth begs Ramsay to paint him a canvass to teach him what he needs to know for the rest of his life. Did you ever know that you’re my hero? Everything I wish I could be? I can fly higher than an eagle . . .
Apparently, flattery does work a little, and lousy waiter / towel burner Charlie is out. First it was the beard, and now the rest of his weird red hair and chin piercings are out the door. Charlie thinks Ramsay made a mistake.
Ramsay wants them all to “wake up and piss off” which sounds like something a kid in diapers would do. He warns stalker-chef Seth that he was “this close” and Gio thinks Seth’s luck is going to run out. Lacey is happy to survive another day in Hell.
Next week’s recap will be up soon, as we are getting caught up. Thanks for sticking around for dessert.