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Thread: Hell's Kitchen 6/29 Minicap: A Comedy of Errors

  1. #1
    runs with scissors waywyrd's Avatar
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    Hell's Kitchen 6/29 Minicap: A Comedy of Errors

    Welcome back to another two hours with the Keystone Cops of the culinary world, where the risotto is crunchy and the meat is raw. After another red team loss last week, Ben ainít happy. And he shares that unhappiness with his team mates, though he has no problem joining the ladies in burning up several packs of cigarettes as they discuss their fates post-boot. How they can taste anything with those tar-soaked tastebuds, I donít know.

    Sal and Marcyís 50th anniversary is going to be the challenge of the night. Poor people. They really look nice, so I hope they donít end up with food poisoning. The teams must update three different classic dishes that were on their original wedding menu: steak Diane, trout almondine and chicken Kiev. For whatever reason, Salvatore wants to put chicken meatballs in the Kiev as the updated "twist". He undercooks them, and Ramsay thankfully saves the cursing for later, not wanting to offend the couple. Nilka has no idea what steak Diane is about, and it shows in her dish. The star of this competition is Ben and his trout almondine. The couple rates the mostly underwhelming dishes, and it ends up a tie. Ramsay decrees that he shall break said tie, and declares the red team the winners.

    They almost faint from the shock of winning something. It doesnít happen often. The blue boys rip into Salvatore for his not-so-awesome raw chicken meatball fiasco.

    Blue team gets to decorate for the anniversary party while red team gets to hop into a pair of gorgeous 50ís convertibles and party it up in an old school diner, drinks and hula hoops included. Ben ogles the girls in miniskirts, earning him creepy points. Back at the kitchen, Jay of the blue hair quips that heís about to take his own life after listening to Autumn blather on about balloons or some such. Can you blame him? Ed saves him by calling him over to work on the cake, where Autumn isnít.

    During dinner service prep, Jay attempts to slice off his finger while opening a clam and earns a trip to the medic. That guy is busy this season with all these clutzes.

    Dinner service! While Ben undercooks his crab cakes, the cake out in the dining room is starting to lean precariously. Ramsay orders the guys out to save it before it crashes into the floor. They save it, though it still looks wobbly. Ben takes offense to being yelled at for the raw appetizers, and snaps at his teammates. Holli takes the next blast of cursing for plating up overcooked duck, then itís Franís turn for mucking up garnishes. Nilka ends up in the dining room cooking steak Diane tableside. Of course, the dish she knew nothing about. She puts on her game face and gives it her best, spilling a few bits of food on the floor that the camera guy is all too happy to pan in on.

    Over in blue team land, Salvatore is doing his usual: screwing up. His pan catches fire, he gets behind, and Ramsay kicks the trash cans - those poor things are catching hell this season. Salvatore soldiers on. The red team managed to not have anything sent back during service, and no food was thrown and/or smashed by Ramsay. Amazing. Still, Ramsay says the red team lost. Fran and Siobhan are nommed, but Ramsay sends them both back, and calls Salvatore over instead to show him the door. He doesnít seem heartbroken, nor does his team. Neither am I, for that matter.

    Hour two! And somehow the totally inept Fran is still there, eye bags intact. Ah, well. The door no sooner hits Salvatore in the butt then Ben is ripping into Siobhan for talking too much, and breathing and generally annoying him. Cue more ciggie smoking.

    The ďchefsĒ get an early morning call to get dressed - they get all gussied up, thinking they were going to a fancy French restaurant. Instead, theyíre trucked over to the diner where the French Dip was invented. Donít they look all silly dressed to the nines in a diner with sawdust on the floor?

    This leads to tonightís challenge: create a unique gourmet sandwich. Ben is still poking at Siobhan, causing her to make those scary faces in her interviews. Yeesh. Ramsay is loving everyoneís sandwiches until he gets to Franís soggy bread and Autumnís ugly presentation. Siobhan, who was made to sit out the challenge by her team because of numbers, gets to break the tie with her creation. Ramsay loves it, but gives the win to the blue team because he thinks the red team should have sent Siobhanís sandwich up instead of Franís. Make sense? Not to me. Siobhan is vindicated, but still pissed. Benís constant badgering doesnít help.

    The blue team earns a trip to a winery where they look forward to getting sauced. Autumn wastes no time in getting giggly. Red team? Gets to shell five zillion peanuts to make peanut butter. When the blue teams arrives back at the dorm, they are blitzed. A sloshed Ed falls into the hot tub with Holli. Siobhan joins them as Ed starts dancing and being silly. Heís dared to drop his swimsuit, and he does it gladly. The girls laugh, which isnít a good sign for olí naked Ed.

    Blue team pays for their fun the next morning with hellacious hangovers. Puking is heard in the background, but I donít know who it was. It doesnít make for a happy team during prep. The reds think they have an advantage because of it - and they might, as Fran actually makes a passable risotto and Jason makes a mess of the scallops.

    I take that back. Franís next batch of risotto is crunchy, leading to a Ramsay rant. A highly hungover Autumn is dragging around and not helping her team, but Siobhan gets herself called a donkey and gets booted out of the kitchen to go eat her own food for screwing up the scallops and arguing with Chef that ďsome of themĒ were okay. Yeah, you can imagine how that went. Just cower, say ďYes, Chef,Ē and do them again. No arguing!

    One silly customer then takes it upon himself to plop an undercooked steak back on the counter. Ramsay tears into the guy, telling him to go through JP. Silly Guy foolishly insults the food, and Ramsay gives it back to him, comparing his small build to a quail and telling him to shave his stupid day-old scruff beard. Talk about customer service.

    A plate of raw, still quacking duck from the blue team sends Ramsay over the edge: he throws a fork and sends the whole team away. Oh no! Nobody is left to screw up the food. Except the red team! Fran wrecks the risotto again, so Ramsay kicks the hell out of the poor trash can again and sends the whole red team out of the kitchen too. Both teams sucked, so they both get to choose two for elimination. Blue team picks Autumn and Ed, red team points the finger at Siobhan and weekly nominee Fran. Siobhan gets booted for her lack of experience.

    This leaves the ďbest half,Ē as Ramsay says. Looking at this crew, thatís pretty laughable. Next week: the blind palate test, which is always good for a laugh, too.
    It was me. I let the dogs out.

  2. #2
    Red Sox Nation Brooks's Avatar
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    Re: Hell's Kitchen 6/29 Minicap: A Comedy of Errors

    Thanks waywyrd! That saves me from watching two hours on my tiny computer screen. Glad I missed drunken Ed.

  3. #3
    FORT Regular Jackieblue824's Avatar
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    Re: Hell's Kitchen 6/29 Minicap: A Comedy of Errors

    I hope that sum bag Ben is next to get the boot.
    The Bachelorette: Ali Fedotowsky

  4. #4
    FORT Fogey I'msotired's Avatar
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    Re: Hell's Kitchen 6/29 Minicap: A Comedy of Errors

    Wow, waywyrd. Great recap! I actually recoiled from my computer screen in a few parts, picturing Chef's face lunging at me, lol. And the hot tub scene? Are they trying to pull in a different audience? Ewwww. Thanks again for saving me the hour each week!
    Every time MF grins, somewhere in the world a unicorn dies.
    I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto.

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