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Thread: Hell's Kitchen 6/18 Minicap: And This Little Piggy Went Waa Waa Waa

  1. #1
    runs with scissors waywyrd's Avatar
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    Hell's Kitchen 6/18 Minicap: And This Little Piggy Went Waa Waa Waa

    Having took pity on quiet little Roshni last week, Ramsay kicks her over to the Blue team, where she’s welcomed with open arms. The psychos on the Red team are still at each other’s throats like a bagful of rabid cats, however. You know Roshni has to be awfully happy about that. Also happy: oddball Brian, who is just thankful he’s still around. Cook something edible, Brian, and we’ll all be thankful.

    Tonight’s challenge is Mexican, a whole new type of food for these clowns to screw up. I seriously doubt that half of these “cooks” could manage to make a bowl of cold cereal and milk without effing it up, so you know they’re going to mangle some Mexican. Out comes a huge piñata - when Ramsay whacks it with a stick, little balls fall from the ceiling. Why don’t they come out of the piñata, you ask? Who knows. Each little ball has an ingredient printed on it, and the teams can collect 25 before they proceed to waste perfectly good food. They have 35 minutes to make five dishes.

    Two guest chefs come out to choke down the offerings. After making faces at Royce’s greasy tortillas and Danielle’s way overstuffed burrito, a tie is declared. Ramsay breaks it and gives the win to the Red team, only because of Dana’s surprisingly good dish. The girls win a gourmet lunch at the Rivera and salsa dancing lessons, while the Blues get to eat tripe (gag) and prep the kitchens. Brian pouts that they would have won had they used his super-awesome-spectacular dish, while Clemenza and Patrick bitch at each other. The women are still behaving like idiots: a drunken Tiffany tells lies and starts another war between Kimmie and Dana. I am so over this group.

    Dinner service, and Clemenza chides the guys when they curse in front of Roshni (there goes my f-bomb count). Hey, at least he made an attempt to be a gentleman. Points for that. Roy wastes no time in plating up some cold, raw tuna, then argues with Ramsay about it. Yeah, you know that went over like a lead balloon. The Blue team manages to get some appetizers out before Patrick and Roy are thrown out of the kitchen for being screw-ups - Patrick then proceeds to bawl about it in the dorms. Next: Danielle gets booted out for serving up raw pork. And I do mean raw. I think it was still oinking. Not wanting to be left out, the Blue team also brings up raw pork.

    Steam coming out of his ears by now, Ramsay catches Barbie using a thermometer to check a chicken breast for doneness. Out she goes! Hey, at least she was trying to do right. I guess. Tiffany whips up a pot of foul mashed potatoes - she’s out, too. Royce does something and gets the boot. By now, I can’t keep up with who screwed up what. Only Brian and Roshni are left on the Blue team, and dinner service is thankfully complete without anyone getting food poisoning.

    Thoroughly disgusted by now, Ramsay declares both teams losers. Patrick, Guy, Barbie, and Danielle are offered up for sacrifice. And for whatever reason, they flash a “To Be Continued” before telling us which goof-off is eliminated.

    F-bombs dropped: 76
    “It’s rawww!”: 3
    “Piss off!”: 3
    Cornholio likes this.
    Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted - John Lennon

  2. #2
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Hell's Kitchen 6/18 Minicap: And This Little Piggy Went Waa Waa Waa

    This recap is way better than the show.
    And, good lord, how does anyone screw up Mexican, the easiest "cuisine" on earth (I live in SoCal, which was Mexico until 1848) to be able to do well?
    These contestants are so effin' stupid, it seems politically incorrect to make fun of them.
    Let's just give them all a gold(ish) medal and call it a day.
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
    -- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

  3. #3
    8/2/64 until forever! AZChristian's Avatar
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    Re: Hell's Kitchen 6/18 Minicap: And This Little Piggy Went Waa Waa Waa

    I don't think most of these folks would earn a white apron on Master Chef.
    Ellen likes this.

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