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Thread: 6/11 Hell's Kitchen Minicap: She Fought the Cod and the Cod Won

  1. #1
    runs with scissors waywyrd's Avatar
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    6/11 Hell's Kitchen Minicap: She Fought the Cod and the Cod Won

    Sixteen of these goofballs are left, and I’ve yet to see any potential winner show themselves. Certainly not Robyn, who seems to hate Barbie with the burning passion of a thousand suns and lets it be known to all on the team. Or Tiffany, who threatens to snap Barbie’s neck. At least I think it was Tiffany - it could have been Robyn. They were all screaming like banshees at Barbie, who thought it would be great fun to get up early and literally stomp around, clanking dishes and waking everyone up.

    I’m convinced half of the red team is on work release from a local women’s prison.

    To top it all off, the dining room is packed full of brand spanking new citizens. Poor people. What better way to welcome them to this country than to subject them to a non-stop string of cursing and a better-than-average chance of contracting salmonella? Welcome, folks! Pepto Bismol and earplugs are by the door as you walk in.

    To celebrate their newfound citizenship, Ramsay orders the goofballs to serve up some American chow: California Cobb salad, pizza, grilled cheese sandwiches, and sliders. Stuff you just can’t screw up, right? So, so wrong. Red team manages to not muck up the salads, but Royce kills the blue team by putting mushrooms on a Cobb salad. No, no. Then Barbie butts all into Kimmie’s pizza station (one chick I would not mess with) and promptly burns the pizzas. Ramsay makes her eat it, while Brian serves up raw sliders. Gordon lets loose with a string of f-bombs and smushes the raw hamburger on the plate.

    Somehow, the red team gets edible food out and is sent to help the guys, who do not want the help. Not. One. Bit. The winning red team gets to go to a safari park in San Diego while the men get to clean up a local wetlands park.

    Dinner service, and it’s almost as pathetic as the previous ones. Patrick tries to step up and lead the hapless blue team, but the guys don’t care for his style of leadership, which consists of bossing them around and not doing much himself. Royce whines the loudest about this. Royce whines the loudest about everything. “Food” is cranked out: Dana makes soupy spaghetti, earning a scowl from Ramsay; Royce shockingly makes a perfect risotto. Barbie plates up more raw scallops (do these people never learn anything?!), and Briana wrecks/burns several pieces of cod. Not to be outdone, sweaty Clemenza destroys all the Wellingtons in various ways until they’re slap out. Ramsay fumes, but ends up tossing the ladies out of the kitchen first because they just can’t get it together. Or, act like ladies, apparently.

    Briana steps up and nominates herself for ruining the cod. Many cigarettes are smoked and many evil looks are given before they finally decide to nominate Barbie too. Gordon accepts these two, as they both suck, but adds Roshni to the list for being in over her head. After comparing Barbie to an appendix on her team (hee!), Ramsay tells Briana to hit the road.

    One last “piss off’ and they’re sent to their rooms to argue, cuss, and smoke some more.

    F-bombs dropped: 87
    "It's rawww!": 1
    Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted - John Lennon

  2. #2
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: 6/11 Hell's Kitchen Minicap: She Fought the Cod and the Cod Won

    ... dining room is packed full of brand spanking new citizens. Poor people. What better way to welcome them to this country than to subject them to a non-stop string of cursing and a better-than-average chance of contracting salmonella?
    Uh-huh -- and to introduce them to their new country's crappy health"care" system...
    ...The winning red team gets to go to a safari park in San Diego...
    And not even San Diego. Safari Park is in middle-of-nowhere Escondildo Escondido.
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
    -- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

  3. #3
    Red Sox Nation Brooks's Avatar
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    Re: 6/11 Hell's Kitchen Minicap: She Fought the Cod and the Cod Won

    Thanks for a great recap!

  4. #4
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: 6/11 Hell's Kitchen Minicap: She Fought the Cod and the Cod Won

    Fun recap!
    And since hubby and I aren't watching The NASCAR Barbie Show The Bachelorette this season, and not playing the "amazing journey connection" game, we're playing the "It's rawww!" game with this show. Thank you for keeping count!
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
    -- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

  5. #5
    FORT Fanatic
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    Re: 6/11 Hell's Kitchen Minicap: She Fought the Cod and the Cod Won

    I suggest you add "it's PA THETIC!!" to your word count. He seems to be enjoying that phrase of late.
    Ellen and waywyrd like this.

  6. #6
    FORT Fogey xmaskat's Avatar
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    Re: 6/11 Hell's Kitchen Minicap: She Fought the Cod and the Cod Won

    I enjoy reading your fun re-craps of these episodes they always make me laug . Thanks!!

    I’m convinced half of the red team is on work release from a local women’s prison.
    I think you are right. They are some tough cookies, I wouldn't want to mess with them .

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