With Tavon’s well-deserved departure the first night, we’re left with 17 psychos...er, “chefs” in their quest to give salmonella to anyone foolish enough to book a dinner at Hell’s Kitchen. If they could ever get an entree to a table, that is.

Ramsay gleefully sends a loud rapper with his entourage to wake up our sleeping beauties in the early am. They’re not appreciative. After the previous night’s Scallopgate, Ramsay has ordered up two enormous mounds of ice-covered scallops to be dumped in the parking lot. Guess who gets to dig ‘em all out? Yep, our non-cooks get to claw through the ice and retrieve the tasty mollusks. In their shells. In their large shells. Weirdo Royce gets nailed in the nose by a flying scallop, drawing blood and more than a little whining. Guy is happy about that, as he’s not Royce’s biggest fan.

Once they shuck and clean all the scallops, the challenge begins: teams of two must cook perfect dishes, emulating the one Ramsay shows them. First team to get six right wins. Of course, half of them don’t listen and ruin yet more seafood in the name of Reality TV. And once again, the women win. Embarrassed (as well they should be), the men are made to drink their screwed-up scallops in a disgusting scallop/milkshake concoction that probably tastes better than most of what they can whip up in the kitchen.

The women get a trip to Catalina where they sail and zipline and get sunburned, while the men bond in their misery. Is this the beginning of a cohesive team? Maybe. Once the women return, they start squabbling amongst themselves, with Barbie seeming to grate on others’ nerves. There always has to be at least one.

Dinner service ensues as Christina and Brian busy themselves screwing up tableside service. Shockingly, Guy starts out by making a perfect risotto, but service soon turns to crap once again as more scallop dishes are ruined and after two hours, not one entree has been served. Ramsay throws the whole bickering women’s team out of the kitchen and they go upstairs and lose their minds. Barbie and Robyn get into it, and Tiffany lets loose with a string of profanity, slinging things off the table and acting like some TruTV reject. What set her off? I have no clue. Several of these people look to be in need of medication.

The men are thrown out by a disgusted Ramsay soon afterwards, and he declares them all losers this night. Barbie, Roshni, Chris and Royce are put up for booting. Ramsay picks the least-drama-causing Chris, saying that he’s sorry a non-stick pan and a few scallops were enough to frazzle his little brain. The women are not pleased that Barbie is still around, which is exactly why she’s still around.

Gordo tells the whole lot to piss off, and we’re done with these awful people until next week.

F-bombs dropped: 96
“It’s rawww!”: 3
Entrees served: 0