Mixing Old Fashioneds
Hell’s Kitchen 10/6 Recap: Spoiled Teens and Ruined Scallops
And we’re back with another duo of Hell’s Kitchen episodes. At first this back-to-back airing irritated me, but the faster we get through what could be the worst cast ever, the happier I’ll be. Just please, someone, get some duct tape across Sabrina’s mouth for the next episodes. I don’t think I can take her act much longer.
Episode 5: The Lamest Prom Ever
With Louis’ departure, the guys seem to let the past go and regroup. The ladies, however, remain in a divide, with Jillian and Sabrina on one side and the rest on the other. Ramsay gathers them all the next day for their new challenge: catering Beverly Hills High’s prom. Obviously this is not a real prom, but a Hell’s Kitchen prom involving appetizers and a main course; I was disappointed they would not hold it on the set of the Peach Pit. The prom committee videoconferences in with the cooks (I hold firm and will not refer to this gaggle of nincompoops as chefs) and explains their theme is old Hollywood and they want classic dishes, possibly with a fusion twist, steak, or seared tuna. Pasta is out because it will make them feel bloated and unable to dance. After this short conversation, the teams are given 30 minutes to come up with two appetizers and an entrée.
Even though the women are not exactly thrilled with one another, they work together and get their dishes organized and prepared. Boris wants to lead the men’s team, but he’s talked over and generally ignored. The teams get their dishes done and the three-member prom committee arrives to choose their favorite dishes. Sabrina’s crab cake bests Vinny’s tuna dish, so the first point goes to the women. The men dog on the prom committee and look more childish than the ~17 year old judges. For the first entrée, Nona curiously serve tuna ceviche atop a steak which edges out Rob’s halibut in seafood broth because the halibut was dry. The red team has already won, but the final two entrees are served anyway. The red team’s pot stickers beat the blue team’s steak, so the ladies made a clean sweep.
The ladies head off to Knott’s Berry Farm for the day; they play games, they dress as Old West hookers as their cleavage spills out of their corsets, and they come back with giant stuffed animal prizes. Meanwhile, the men stay behind and decorate the dining room for prom, under the direction of James and the queen bee prom committee members. Russell gets frustrated at the kids’ constant nagging and sassy attitude and goes off on them, cursing like he’s a mini-Ramsay. James calls him out on it, and Trev just wants to get the work done so he follows the kids’ direction.
The next day, it’s time for the weird sit-down dinner prom with alleged Beverly Hills High School students who look much younger than the cast of 90210 ever did. Service starts off terribly with Emily unable to cook a crab cake and Boris firing 10 of them when he only needed two. Apps haven’t even all gone out and Melissa becomes inhabited by the alien that got Gail last week and she fires up 23 steaks at once; Ramsay shouts and carries on about her ruining all the meat. Amazingly, Sabrina handles the potsticker station well and gets her food out.
Entrée service starts out rocky as well; Boris and Emily both undercook the halibut and hold back their teams. Russell steps up and takes charge of the men’s kitchen; he’s calling orders, making sure everyone is doing what they should be, and the guys really work as a team for once. On the red team, Melissa sends up raw meat to the pass and Ramsay goes off on her; stupidly Nona interrupts and gets called out even worse by Ramsay. And oddly, Jillian and Sabrina get the women working together and service is finished. James, of all people, then crowns the prom king and queen and mild dancing ensues. This prom is pretty sad; where’s the bathroom hook-ups? The hidden flasks? The drunken teacher chaperones? The pot? It all makes me glad I went to high school in the late 80s and early 90s…this ‘10 crap would have driven me to the edge. Hell, back then, the gay guy was the favorite of the class—and my prom date!
Ramsay gathers the chefs and names the blue team as the winner and commends Russell for his great job of running the kitchen. He names Sabrina as the best of the worst and tells her to pick two people to be put up for elimination. Her first choice are Emily and Melissa, but some of the guys and Jillian suggest that Emily is going home at some point on her own space-cadet ways, so Sabrina should put up Gail because she’s more of a threat. Back in front of Ramsay, Sabrina ends up going with Emily and Melissa. He doesn’t know who to pick, so he asks his favorite interruptor, Nona. She says Emily because she’s “not here”. Ramsay agrees, takes her jacket, and demands the remaining contestants show some passion.
Episode 6: Wherein everyone mispronounces “appetit”
After bland Emily’s departure (really, anyone showing that much boobage in the first episode should have been more interesting), Melissa knows she has a target on her back. The men gloat about their win and Vinny shows his soft side by noting that there will be more “bros than hos” at the end of the competition. Hey, Vinny, I’ve got a fryer ready for that vat of fat on your head….come a bit closer.
The next morning, Ramsay brings the drama by professing to having been tortured all night by the prior elimination. He calls Melissa forward and asks her to take off her jacket. But is cook-all-the-meat-at-once Melissa sent home? No, she’s sent to the blue team to torture the guys. Ramsay then sends Trev to the red team to give them leadership and torture Trev by being around more women than he could ever get even with a million dollar bank account and physical acumen that he likely does not possess.
And it’s on to the challenge, and it actually comes with a decent prize for once. The cooks will have 30 minutes to come up with an entrée salad and the winning salad will be featured in Bon Appetit magazine and on the menu for the next service. Vinny wants to make a salad as sexy as his greasy hair in the morning, so I’m thinking a bowl of Crisco will be his base. Jillian apparently left her brain in the dorm and bugs the crap out of Trev asking about ingredients. After the thirty minutes are up, Sarah Tenaglia, senior food editor of Bon Appetit, comes in to judge. Gail and Boris go up first and Boris is drenched in sweat so much that Ramsay hands him a towel; Gail’s scallop salad beats out Boris’ heavily dressed one. Then Rob’s scallop salad beats out Nona’s road-kill looking quail plate. Vinny’s salad is flat while Jillian’s is only fruit and nuts, so it is not an appropriate dinner salad and neither get a point for their team. Russell’s “lunch” salad wins over Sabrina’s hot dog tasting salad. Trev ties it up for the red team by besting Melissa’s under-cooked duck salad. That ties it up between the teams, so Sarah is asked to pick the best salad overall. She picks the scallop salad as made by Rob.
The blue team heads off for an afternoon of lunch at the Getty Villa and Rob’s photo shoot for his magazine spread. Ramsay makes plenty of fat jokes about Rob’s appearance in the photos; it just shows Ramsay’s lack of creativity—recycled show, repeat boring menus, weak fat jokes, raw fish. It’s all the same.
The red team was left behind to clean the kitchen and prep; when the blue team returns, they finish prep and Ramsay warns Melissa she has to prove herself at this service. He asks Rob if the blue team is strong enough without Trev; much to Trev’s displeasure, he says it is. Trev is determined to be the voice of the red team and win the service. Ramsay informs both teams that there will be chef’s tables in the kitchens with VIP guests. These VIPs consist of a handful of actresses, the only one I wrote down was Mo Gaffney, but that’s probably because I am an AbFab addict.
Gail starts out hard-core on the apps and gets the foods out to Ramsay’s liking. Trev even recognizes she’s a good cook, despite his earlier belly-aching about having to hang out with chicks. Jillian goes to take the order of the chef’s table and only gets half way through because Ramsay shouts at her to get back to her station, though it is Gail on apps, and she’s getting them out. On the blue team, Russell rides Boris’ ass to get him to focus and actually cook. Then scallop-gate breaks out. Melissa cannot produce scallops for Rob’s salad and actually cooks every scallop in the kitchen without getting a single one right. They end up using rock shrimp to complete the salad orders. On the red team, Nona also has issues cooking scallops, leaving the one diner at the chef’s table who was foolish enough to order scallops in Hell’s Kitchen without any food. Ramsay roars about the rawness, and Trev takes over to fire some properly. Seriously, I think production is messing with the scallops. I cooked them for the first time two years ago and they came out perfectly; it isn’t difficult. I swear production throws them in the freezer before the show films.
The garnish station fairs no better; Trev is on the meat station and Sabrina actually thinks it’s his job to make the gnocchi side. He shadows her, making sure she gets the garnishes made properly. On the blue team, Boris epically fails at making mashed potatoes by including no seasoning whatsoever in it. He’s tossed out of the kitchen for his never-ending screw-ups. Well after two and a half hours, the service mercifully comes to an end. Ramsay declares no winner and tells the team to put up one person each.
Back in the dorms, Vinny suggests putting Boris up, as he’s been bad on fish, meat, and garnish. Boris, however, would put Melissa up for the scallop debacle. On the red team, there is a divide between putting Nona up for her scallop failure or Sabrina for her inability to produce garnish. Back before Ramsay, the blue team does put Boris and the red team throws Sabrina out there again. Ramsay thinks these are good choices but also calls Nona and Melissa to beg for another chance. Boris claims he has passion and should stay, while Nona claims she will bust her ass to stay in Hell’s Kitchen. Melissa thought she’d have a new start with the blue team and Sabrina just cries without messing up her mascara. Ramsay then demands Melissa’s jacket and boots her out. Ever delusional, Boris thinks he’s going to win (perhaps if this were a sweating contest) and Sabrina thinks everyone’s jealous of her (perhaps of her ability to cry without mussing her makeup).
Next week who know what will happen but I guarantee Ramsay’s little head will be spouting off bleeped words and his hair gel will be less than Vinny’s.
Re: Hell’s Kitchen 10/6 Recap: Spoiled Teens and Ruined Scallops
Loved your recap! [I had a couple of favorite lines saved, then lost them and I'm too lazy to go back and find them. Whatever they were, they were hilarious!)
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