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Thread: 5/30 recap: Kung-Food Fighting

  1. #11
    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
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    Clearly, all those who made fancy fish bits on parts of deciduous trees took the wrong tack to impress the chef.

    You Go To Hell! You Go To Hell and You Die! (Nothing Personal)
    Hilarious, I laughed my way through. Excellent recap, Lucy!
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

  2. #12
    Courtesy and Goodwill Mantenna's Avatar
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    Lucy, you are absolutely amazing! Hilarious, witty, and you captured the comedy of the show better than the show itself! (Yes, you managed to perform a scientific anomaly in your recap; that's how bloody good it was.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucylicious
    Ramsay, born in Glasgow and trained up as a chef in London, owns several restaurants in London and has spent nine years running as “England’s Best Chef” – surely not a high bar. I mean, I’ve eaten English food.

    Our 12 lambs to the slaughter are from all over the country, says the voice-over, although anyone reading their bios can see they're primarily from all over New Jersey. I'm guessing a casting director got lazy (and pocketed some travel reimbursements.)

    Dewberry: Ok, what the hell? Who was smoking crack when they named this boy? He sounds like an elf. But he ain’t built like one. Dewberry is a baker, and looks like he might eat more pastries than he sells.

    He's made salmon on a cedar plank -- a bit of unnecessary pomposity, in my view, as who gives a crap about the plank? Can I eat the plank? No? Then don't give it to me, give me some fries instead.

    She made chicken parmesan, a risky move since her little fried chicken breast, with its sauce and cheese, looks a lot like it came from Friendly's. But amazingly enough, Ramsay likes it. He says he likes the simplicity of the presentation and the moistness of the chicken. You could have knocked me over with a feather (or a flick of a camel's tail.) Clearly, all those who made fancy fish bits on parts of deciduous trees took the wrong tack to impress the chef.

    "Be prepared ... for anything ... and everything," Ramsay intones slowly and sinisterly. (because, of course, one MUST speak slowly to sound sinister. Even a camel knows that.)

    Chris, the executive chef, says he'd rather be on a team of dishwashers, since they understand how a restaurant kitchen operates. Do they really? Because the restaurants I've worked in (admittedly, they were of Chili's caliber) kept the dishwashers sequestered away in the dishwashing room. Not so much in the kitchen, the dishwashers. But I digress.

    Meanwhile, Ralph has a table of blondes who are getting a bit twitchy for their food. I don't know why, as none of them look like they've eaten more than a bran muffin for 20 years.

    So, insulting customers equals ... good customer service? Can that be right? It’s like seeing the promised land! Can he come give a motivational seminar to my boss? Because I've been trying to sell that line for years.

    You Go To Hell! You Go To Hell and You Die! (Nothing Personal)

    "My reputation's on the line," Ramsay fumes. "I didn't come to America to look second best." Second to what? Starvation?

    Well, and if Ramsay doesn't know these people any better than we do ("Andrew is 24 and likes cooking and long walks on the beach")

    I thought a lot of chefs WERE overweight? God knows I would be. "One enchilada for table 14, and one for me..."

    The entire kitchen is "in the weeds," as we used to say at Chili's, and Jeff is having trouble placating customers, who've begun nibbling their napkins.

    Disaster, stunt-for-ratings, tomato, tomahto.

    Hell Hath No Fury Like a Dewberry Scorned

    Both teams return to the dining room for the Spatula of Doom ceremony. (ok, there's no spatula. And no ceremony. But there should be.)

  3. #13
    When I'm 64 William13's Avatar
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    Oh me of little faith. I thought that there was no way that you would be able to make the recap as funny as the show, but you managed to pull it off.

    As Useless as a Poopy-Flavored Lollipop
    So, insulting customers equals ... good customer service? Can that be right? It’s like seeing the promised land!
    It must be one of those Zen things.

    And I like the idea of the Spatula of Doom Ceremony.

    Personally I would measure Brits by the standard of Laurence Oliver or Peter Sellers (or Peter Sellers doing Laurence Olivier), but that's just me.

  4. #14
    SEX, DRUGS ROCK & ROLL gypsy's Avatar
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    I hope it runs the entire season, he's hilarious. It just started and someone already got back stabbed, im liking it.

  5. #15
    White Roses Eternal Joy's Avatar
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    Love the recap!
    ~*~America's Next Top Model's Best~*~

    Katie + Catie + Amanda + Kahlen

  6. #16
    Livin' the life Dinahann's Avatar
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    Excellent recap, Lucy. If I were to quote the funny parts I'd have to cut and paste the whole damn thing. You rock!
    Well I was born in a small town
    And I can breathe in a small town
    Gonna die in this small town
    And that's prob'ly where they'll bury me

  7. #17
    eternal optimist Shazzer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucy
    But if you revel in watching people cuss and throw food – and who *doesn’t* enjoy that, really – then this is the show for you.

    (I thought we were measuring them all by Colin Firth. I guess we’re just lowering standards everywhere, aren't we, people?!)

    No, “Dewberry” Does NOT Mean “Elf.”

    I'm guessing a casting director got lazy (and pocketed some travel reimbursements.)
    Dewberry: Ok, what the hell? Who was smoking crack when they named this boy? He sounds like an elf. But he ain’t built like one. Dewberry is a baker, and looks like he might eat more pastries than he sells.

    His dream is to become EITHER a chef or a state senator. Um, so his interests are widely varied, I guess.

    Cook It Like It’s Hot, Cook It Like It’s Hot

    First up is Andrew, the cook behind a dish of penne. Ramsay tries a bite, spits it out, and terms it "dogshit." Well, so much for small talk, I guess.

    Can I eat the plank? No? Then don't give it to me, give me some fries instead.

    You could have knocked me over with a feather (or a flick of a camel's tail.)

    (because, of course, one MUST speak slowly to sound sinister. Even a camel knows that.)

    cute-but-mean accent.

    kept the dishwashers sequestered
    away in the dishwashing room. Not so much in the kitchen, the dishwashers. But I digress.

    (foreshadowing, thy name is Jeff.)

    As Useless as a Poopy-Flavored Lollipop

    I don't know why, as none of them look like they've eaten more than a bran muffin for 20 years.

    So, insulting customers equals ... good customer service? Can that be right? It’s like seeing the promised land! Can he come give a motivational seminar to my boss? Because I've been trying to sell that line for years.

    You Go To Hell! You Go To Hell and You Die! (Nothing Personal)

    Second to what? Starvation?

    ("Andrew is 24 and likes cooking and long walks on the beach")

    I thought a lot of chefs WERE overweight? God knows I would be. "One enchilada for table 14, and one for me..."

    One woman calls it a disaster. Disaster, stunt-for-ratings, tomato, tomahto.

    I don't know what he did out there to please them in
    the total absence of food, but it worked. Maybe we shouldn't question him too closely.

    Ok, maybe not. It does sound more like a Smurf.

    (ok, there's no spatula. And no ceremony. But there should be.)

    (I hope they have pitchforks; every revolt needs pitchforks)
    Beeeeyooootiful! Not only do you bring the giggly-snorty snark factor into the hizzouse, but you do it so eloquently, my little pea-of-funny. <---your new name.

    AS usual, headings = solid gold happyness. VERY sadly (on my part), my favorite portion is the poopy-flavored lolly. WTH. GOLD! Also,
    I LOVE SMURFS!! <---random outcry.

    Camel fantasy: A two-humper (heh heh heh, "hump") runs towards me across a white sand beach, a big basket of wine nestled between his humps....

    Oh! And btw, loved your commentary on Fox's lack of intro-ing their people. WTH? And I'm also disappointed they're not letting us enjoy the food shots. Oh, and FAVORITE line: the one about customer service. Annnnnnyhow, great job!
    "If you're like me, you have a 'been there, done that' attitude when it comes to paleolithic paleontology." - Jon Stewart

    "I swear, you are the ho-ho ho." - OTS

  8. #18
    Plotting spegs's Avatar
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    Excellent, Luce! I popped in here without a lot of time, but I stayed regardless of my time constraints. It was a masterpeice of funny!
    "Look, you love me, and I love you. Maybe in a different time, a different place, this would work out. But we both know that only one of us is leaving this room alive, and I'm the one holding the flame thrower." - Film Fakers

  9. #19
    Ms Ambusher dberk's Avatar
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    Great job Edna Lucy!

    I didn't plan to watch this show and now I won't have to. I can just read the recaps.

  10. #20
    LG.
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    FORT Writer LG.'s Avatar
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    great job, Lucy. Loved this part:
    I thought a lot of chefs WERE overweight? God knows I would be. "One enchilada for table 14, and one for me..."
    More reasons I could never be a chef.
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

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