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Curse you, NBC, for futzing around with the airing of this show. One week it’s a two-hour show, the next it’s not aired, then it’s back to two hours. It’s wreaks havoc for me to skip a week because I have such a lousy memory (seriously, my house is awash in post-it notes) that I find myself struggling to remember who some of these people are, not to mention how they performed the last time it aired. Bear with me as this two-hour show will most likely kick my feeble mind (and ass). *shakes fist*
The show opens with the full cast singing Summer Nights -- guys donning leather jackets and the ladies clothed in poodle skirts. Each performer gets a few solo lines, then they join together ending the song with a dramatic flourish. Butthole Billy and What’s-Her-Name (see, I can’t even remember her name) enter center stage.
They introduce the judges (who look vaguely familiar to me) then introduce tonight’s special guest judge, David Gest. David Gest? What’s he doing here? Oh, wait a minute, it’s Andrew Lloyd Webber, whom I adore. Does anyone else see a similarity between these two men? They could be brothers separated at birth, with David of course being the creepy brother who was relegated to the basement a good portion of the time.
Andrew Lloyd Webber
His creepy brother, David Gest
Butthole Billy is quite excited to have Lord Webber in the house, and honors him with the nickname the World Wide Webber. A quick recap of the last show to air so long ago, reminds us that Matt and Ashley Anderson were brought back for a second chance at stardom. Why, I’m not sure, as even to my pathetically tone-deaf ears, their performances weren’t up to the standards of the other competitors. But I suppose this is why the powers that be get paid the big bucks, and why I’m not on NBC’s staff. Well, that, and quite possibly because of hundreds of other reasons that I don’t need to go into, ahem. They obviously know something I don’t or do I speak too soon?
The Not-So Surprise
Taking their cue from American Idol, the lights are dimmed, and the music takes a melodramatic turn. With grim faces Butthole Billy and Denise have learned well from their elementary-school teachers, and have the kids line up single file on stage…boys on the left, girls on the right. The time has come to announce who is safe for tonight, and one by one, their names are called. Kevin, Derek, Chad, Austin and Max are safe, thereby leaving Jason and Matt in the bottom two who will participate in a Sing Off at the end of the show. To mix things up, Denise, in charge of the ladies, calls out the names of the two performers who are not safe -- Ashley Anderson and Allie. This means that Ashley Spencer, Kathleen, Juliana, Kate and Laura are safe. In summary, Jason, Matt, Allie and Ashley Spencer will each be fighting to the death to stay on the show. Well, not really, but that’s the kind of surprise twist I’d like to see, heheh.
And Away We Go
A note from Roses: Some singers have pensive, emotional songs, others have enthusiastic, upbeat songs accompanied on stage with flirty back-up dancers. I don’t have a clue how this was decided, but it sure seems unbalanced to me, and makes me wonder if these choices will affect the voting audience. On a positive note, I have to mention that when the voting phone numbers are given during the program, the Grease contestants do not mug for the camera, or beg for phone calls like AI contestants, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Max Crumm, 21 - Slacker Danny
Hometown: Phoenix, AZ
Max is convinced the only thing standing in his way of getting this prime gig is his hair, and he sets out to the nearest clip joint for a real Danny Zuko haircut. He performs Can You Feel the Love Tonight from The Lion King. Standing at the top of the stairs, he seems comfortable singing this thoughtful song, but in the immortal words of AI, he’s a little pitchy. He does look like he’s having a great time, and hey his hair looks fabulous, so there’s always that.
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - he says Max got the wonder of the song, then adds something about his eyes, but for the life of me, I can’t understand what he’s saying.
Jim - he loves the hair and says Max is a master story teller.
Kathleen - she would like to see more swagger.
David - he likes that Max is changing who he is to fit the part.
"And then I said I'll show you some greased lightning, heheh."
Laura Osnes, 21 - Small Town Sandy
Hometown: Egan, MN
Laura foregoes a haircut and is convinced she needs to practice singing (imagine that?) for the win. With Lord Webber in attendance during practice, she becomes the first girl to sing Jesus Christ Superstar, and he’s impressed. Laura has a much more difficult song but that’s not all. She’s cloaked in a short dress with long cape-like tails that attach to her wrists, and she’s got to run down the stairs and around the stage…in high heels. It’s a wonder she can even concentrate on singing with all that going on, and it occurs to me the guys definitely have an easier row to hoe (or road to hose as my daughter used to say).
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - he’s agog over Laura’s performance and thinks she’ll go far.
Jim - he says he’s under the weather right now, but she is “doctor feel good” for him.
Kathleen - she’s blown away.
David - she blew his socks off (too bad the camera doesn’t pan down to show us this wonderful bit of magic).
Derek Keeling, 26 - Wholesome Danny
Hometown: Charleston, WV
Derek has a lot of dancing to do during his song, so he’s been working out like a crazy person to get to the point where he won’t run out of breath. He sings Footloose, and it’s a wild and lively performance. He’s got two male dancers, and two female dancers backing him up and the audience is screaming. I have become a Derek fan tonight, and it has nothing to do with his bulging biceps…well, maybe a little.
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - he was brilliant.
Jim - he pulled it off brilliantly.
Kathleen - not only did he have the strength for the performance, but he pulled it off beautifully.
David - with his charisma combined with great quality, he could definitely be on Broadway.
Ashley Spencer, 21 - Ballerina Sandy
Hometown: Canton, OH
He’s a tough act to follow, especially since Ashley Spencer is shown crying from the pressure during practice earlier in the week. She has a quieter, more pensive song, Take That Look Off Your Face, from Webber’s musical, Tell Me On A Sunday. She sings it beautifully, and the audience waves their arms high overhead to the rhythm of the song.
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - it was a fabulous performance.
Jim - she did great.
Kathleen - she pulled the song off beautifully
David - she could have turned up the anger a little bit more, but still a great performance. (I best we could find someone to turn up the anger on him).
Kevin Greene, 22 - Bellhop Danny
Hometown: Greece, NY
Kevin gets two beautiful female back-up dancers, and he feels extremely lucky (as he should), and sings Burning Love originally sung by Elvis. I wasn’t much of a Kevin fan before tonight, but I’m a believer now. He shows a lot of confidence and talent and is a joy to watch, but after hearing the judges’ comments, once again it’s obvious I don’t know squat.
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - he didn’t make the performance his own.
Jim - he could have been better, but it was a difficult song.
Kathleen - she thought he was fun and needs to find the show-off in himself.
David - he thinks Danny Zuko would have been “all over the girls,” and he didn’t see Kevin doing that.
"See that skeleton back there? When I say I'll work you to the bone, I mean it, fools. Now drop and give me twenty."
Juliana Hansen, 23 - Rock Chick Sandy
Hometown: Los Angeles, CA
An emotional Juliana feels she should love her song, and make the best out of it, but she doesn’t know how to do that at this point. She needn’t have worried, because she sings Don’t Cry for me, Argentina from Evita beautifully.
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - he thinks she did well and could be a very different Sandy.
Jim - she could have been better, but the song was difficult.
Kathleen - she wants to see her wild side.
David - she looks fabulous, but needs to show more emotion.
An Entrancing Moment In Time
As a mid entertainment special, the entire clan comes together for one of my all-time favorite songs, The Phantom of the Opera. Mr. Rose and I took Little Rose to see it live in Los Angeles many years ago, and it’s an evening I hold dear to my heart. The lights dim, the ladies are dressed in various black dresses, and each of them gets a few lines to sing alone. The men join in, everyone sounding great, and Derek is again a standout. But poor Matt just doesn’t have the power to pull off his solo, and pales in comparison to everyone else.
Chad Doreck, 27 - Ambitious Danny
Hometown: Long Beach, CA
Chad is fighting the flu, and doesn’t know if his chills are from working with Lord Webber or from the flu. He sings My Eyes Adore You from the musical, Jersey Boys. He looks and sounds great, and I’d love to know what kind of magical potion/elixir NBC has access to. When I have the flu, I look horrible and sound even worse. Chad definitely could be believable as Danny -- I’m buying what he’s selling.
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - he acknowledges Chad has the flu, so he’s hesitant to be too critical (so much for what I know, I thought he did great).
Jim - Chad performed better in rehearsal, but he understands he’s sick.
Kathleen - she enjoyed seeing his emotional side, but he needs to open up more (what in the hell does that mean? Anyone? Would you know what to do with that kind of critique?)
David - he’s their best romantic lead.
Kate Rockwell, 22 - Serious Sandy
Hometown: Blue Ash, OH
Webber wants her to think about the words she’s singing, and she promises to do so. She sings Buenos Aires from Evita with heart and passion. Watching her, I could easily see her as Sandy with either Chad, Derek or Kevin in the role of Danny.
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - proving he is the World Wide Webber, he says he’s been on Kate’s website, and he read that she likes spending money on other people. He wants to know if she would invest in his next show, and she tosses back to him that she has at least $10 she can afford to give him, hee.
Jim - she knocks him out.
Kathleen - her voice is spectacular.
David - her last four notes were phenomenal.
Austin Miller, 30 - Hot Danny
Hometown: Alvin, TX
Austin says he’s fighting some demons because his song requires him to be athletic and sing really high. He says he’s wanted this since he was two-and-a-half-years old. C’mon now, are we to believe at the tender age of two he wanted to be on Broadway? Wow, when my daughter was two she wanted to smash bananas in her hair. Austin rates back-up singers/dancers tonight and sings Ease On Down The Road from The Wiz. It’s an energetic performance, and he certainly imparts a kind of Scarecrow ‘loose’ dance that he handles skillfully.
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - (no comment on Austin at all).
Jim - great job.
Kathleen - it was a difficult performance and he pulled it off.
David - best Danny performance of the night.
“So let's get down to business...how much money do you need to keep the cameras on me?”
Kathleen Monteleone, 23 - Spiritual Sandy
Hometown: Tigard, OR
Kathleen is nervous because she’s singing one of Webber’s most famous songs Memory from the show Cats. Webber suggests she needs to think more about the words, and she tackles it expertly. I’ve noticed she’s always wearing empire dresses that fall softly over her belly, could she be pregnant? If so, unlucky for her because she certainly can’t play sweet, innocent Sandy with a swollen belly. But if she is pregnant, that’s a lucky baby to get to listen to her beautiful voice while nestled in her womb. Butthole Billy asks her to give a spiritual tip to the bottom four contestants, and she replies, “when performing for Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, remember that the power of the Lord (pointing up at sky), and the power of the lord (pointing to Webber), are upon you.” They seriously need to squash the spiritual tips portion of the show. Gah.
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - she’s taken on the toughest song of the evening, and she did well.
Jim - the most difficult song of the night and she was fantastic.
Kathleen - it was thrilling.
David - he wants to see a youthful Sandy next week, but she’s very special.
Like the Ghosts of Christmas Past, They Return To Where They Belong -- Not Here
Jason is simply determined to win, but Matt was worried he might be in the bottom four, and hopes he’s prepared for however it ends up. Ashley feels she was “kind of thrown into this” but says she wants to win. Allie is extremely emotional, and tears up saying she deserves to stay because she’s got ‘it.’ She looks fragile.
They are all to sing the Grease song Tears on my Pillow together, with each of them getting individual solos throughout the song. It’s obvious to me that all four of these performers are not in the same league as the others -- then again, there’s absolutely nothing in my background to give me any credence, so don’t bank on my opinions.
After conferring, the judges pronounce the Danny to be saved tonight is Jason, meaning Second-Chance Matt is going home. The Sandy to be saved is Allie, meaning Second-Chance Ashley Anderson is going home. Well, this was certainly a ridiculous waste of precious time for them and us, and I hope that next time they leave well enough alone and aren’t tempted to throw in a ‘twist.’ Sigh. Since Jason and Allie are staying, it’s time for their solo performances:
Jason Celaya, 31 - Boy Band Danny
Hometown: Highland, UT
Having made it through to this round by the skin of his teeth, performs Billy Holly’s That’ll Be the Day. His voice seems the weakest of the night, and his confidence certainly seems shaken making his performance seem wooden.
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - he could go far (but honestly his comments are so long-winded and complex, I have no idea if he complimented Jason or not).
Jim - his performance was ‘fine.’
Kathleen - he’s a skilled performer, but open up and let us in (I roll my eyes).
David - he’s going to have to get a lot better to not be in the bottom again next week.
Allie Schulz, 19 - Baby Sandy
Hometown: Nashville, TN
Allie sings I Don’t Know How to Love Him from Jesus Christ Superstar. It appears her confidence is shaken, too, because her performance is lackluster. Her dad, who is beaming in the audience, gets some good airtime as he watches his daughter on stage (is NBC trying to tug on our heart strings -- I’m sure other parents were there).
The Judges’ Convoluted Remarks:
Webber - during practice she was one of the best actresses, but she needs to draw on all the expert help during the competition.
Jim - open up a little more.
Kathleen - wants to see more emotion from her.
David - let us inside. *I roll my eyes*
The Pick Of The Litter
The judges are asked to pick their favorite Danny and Sandy of the night, and the results are as follows:
Webber - Derek and Laura
Jim - Max and Laura
Kathleen - Derek and Kathleen
David - Austin and Laura
But, will America agree with the judges? Tune in next week to find out. In the meantime, Matt sings the song Sandy with the Safe Danny’s gathered around him chiming in at the end as we watch the cheesiest fade-out in reality-television history. The camera pans over to Ashley Anderson tearfully singing Look at me I’m Sandra Dee with the Safe Sandy’s gathered around her. Ashley finishes her song, and Matt and Ashley walk off into the sunset together. If we’re lucky, NBC will keep them from haunting the halls or spooking the remaining contestants in the future. If you’ve seen a ghost, email me at roseskid@fansofrealitytv.com.
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I especially love all the photo captions...hee hee. Priceless!!!
Originally Posted by roseskid;2240202; 
