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Thread: How Do You Deal With Problem Co-Workers?

  1. #21
    FORT Fogey
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    Miss Filangi, you go girl! (ha ha)

    Not only have you received all the help and advice you could possibly want, but you have contributed massively in constructing this very interesting thread.

    I bet there are a million stories out there. You have opened the floodgates.

    Please let us know how it all turns out, and don't tell the boss about FORT, whatever you do.

  2. #22
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    Did you get a chance to either speak to your employer or make an appointment?

  3. #23
    FORT Spaghettio Shayla's Avatar
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    Miss F, I once had a difficulty with a co-worker and borrowed a helpful book from a friend. It's called Dealing With People You Can't Stand. Click here to see it. Amazon.com sells a used copy for $2.50.

    Granted, you didn't say that you couldn't stand your co-worker. Even so, what I found helpful is the spelling-out of problem co-workers, their behavior, and suggestions for co-existing with them.

    In my particular situation, I witnessed a problem co-worker in ways other people hadn't. I had the choice of making the problems well-known or being gracious. I chose to be gracious, which is not to say that that was the best choice. I was a fairly new employee at that time and didn't want to poison the workplace by badmouthing another employee, even if it was the truth. I wanted so badly to say something though! A confidante at the time (who was not affiliated with the organization) offered an Albert Einstein quotation, which is something like, those who stand up as a judge of truth are often shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. She provided me with an example from her life, in which she exposed a colleague's misdeeds, and yet everyone turned on her. The others were blinded with their loyalty for the colleague.

    I heeded my friend's advice. The result at work was detante and, finally, the co-worker transferred to another branch of the organization. I'm not sure what would have happened had I chosen differently. At the time I was committed to keeping the peace, rather than risk damaging my or someone else's credibility.

    Yours is a different situation, so I'm not suggesting you learn from any part of my experience. It's just my experience. But, I do recommend DWPYCS. It's light-hearted and practical.

  4. #24
    Oh YEAH!!! Aptly_Named's Avatar
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    Hey Miss F. - I think Tom works in my office, too. In the form of a woman though - who is the relatively new coordinator for our team. Of course, I'm just the lowly Admin. Assistant/Transcriptionist and I just really don't know a THING about the job I've been doing for the past two and a half years.

    Someone told me once, while I was venting about this woman, that if I wanted her to value my work, that I had to involve her in my processes. Instead of for example, doing something that I would normally do myself without a second thought, I should ask her for her opinion. That worked one time. Now she treats me like I haven't got a brain - which is totally uncalled for. I work with about 15 people - RNs, Occupational Therapists, etc. on an interdisciplinary team in a hospital. Every single person on my team makes me feel like I am a valued team member - except her. And she says the most inappropriate things, too. I really don't ask her to comment on my personal life, yet she does that, too.

    :mad:

    It's too late to open this can of worms any further, but I just wanted to say I feel your pain, and I agree with John's wise advice.

  5. #25
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    Wow, I'll have to check out that book, Shayla. There are lots of people I can't stand

  6. #26
    FORT Spaghettio Shayla's Avatar
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    Heheh. It's well worth it, John. There aren't many people I can't stand; I have Niceness Disease. Let's just say there are a couple of people I'm mildly irked by. So when someone I couldn't stand cropped up, I was eager to deal the death blow. But, alas, she was my co-worker.

  7. #27
    Mikey's biggest fan Wenders's Avatar
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    Hi all!

    I was surfing around the FORT (cause I live alone and get bored ) and found this thread.

    Miss F-have things gotten any better??

    As a recent college graduate who just entered the working world (at a small firm), you guys all scare me!! So far I like everyone at my company, so I hope it stays that way!
    ugh. I don't get time to watch TV anymore, much less hang out at the FORT.

    But don't you worry, I'll be back in full force on or about November 3rd.

  8. #28
    Premium Member Yeti Long Shot: Porpoheus Champion
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    My 23yo daughter is having the same prob with her boss - what it boils down to is a cliche power struggle. This 40-something man is not about to give a 23 yo man or woman any respect. He goes out of his way to make her uncomfortable, if not miserable. He has no grounds to fire her, nor does he have the authority. I've tried to explain the idea of esp older men and younger "girls" esp in the workplace. It sucks - but sometimes you have to change the rules of the "game" (we all know it's a game) and how to deal with that part of it. They can at least on the same shift, but don't speak so much. So yeah, it's tough, but I think the thing that has helped her most is talking him in a person-to-person manner, instead of ignorant boss/flighty girl manner. I can say that works for her - and she did go to area management to make sure they were aware of the problem, and they reassured she will not lose her job.

    Don't know if that will help. Good luck!

  9. #29
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    This reminded me so much of a guy that used to work for me, Miss F, that it sent a chill down my spine. I used to get so annoyed by him. I would come home ranting and raving about him.

    He was one of the people I hired when I was a Front Desk manager at a hotel. He was retired and was just working for us part-time. Well, I was very young when I was in this position (24) and he was in his seventies. Needless to say, he didn't take anything I said seriously even though I had been in management positions since I was 19.

    I would give this gentleman instructions and he would look over my head at the owner's husband (the owner of the hotel was a young woman as well) and would ask him for instructions. He would get mad whenever I questioned anything he did, and called me 'honey' and 'sweetie' multiple times. Never in a "hitting on me" kind of way, but in a "old church deacon that knows better than you" kind of way. I would find out that he did things exactly the opposite of how I asked him to do things and would say that he just knew it would work better that way. Better to him was generally using paper and pen instead of our computer system. In a hotel, this led to bad situations like people being checked into a room that was already occupied (unfailingly when the original occupants were in compromising positions).

    Well, the owner hated him because as I explained, he treated her like a little girl also. After multiple, "I know you are older than me, and I respect that, but I'm your boss" talks, I started writing him up. I finally ended up deciding to fire him and while I was waiting in my office for him to show up for work, he called and quit. I guess he knew that the end was near and was staging a preemptive strike.

    Anyway, I saw that you started this thread back in June and it was just recently resurrected, so I hope that you have resolved the problem. I don't know what I would have done if he would have been a coworker instead of an employee. It was bad enough as it was.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  10. #30
    Mikey's biggest fan Wenders's Avatar
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    Miss F? Where are you??? I'm so curious. Or nosy. whichever.
    ugh. I don't get time to watch TV anymore, much less hang out at the FORT.

    But don't you worry, I'll be back in full force on or about November 3rd.

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