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Thread: Pets? Do Tell!

  1. #41
    The new me! Feifer's Avatar
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    Thanks Sher! Means alot.
    It occurred to me that no matter how bleak things might seem at times, at least I have a head. ----Stargazer

  2. #42
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    Feifer, I'm sorry to hear about Murphy. I'm sure he had a great time while he was here, with a loving "mommy". It's a shame that dogs don't live as long as we'd like them to. We just have to give them our love while they're here.

  3. #43
    The new me! Feifer's Avatar
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    Thanks John. He was a happy dog. Probably had 10 really bad days in the almost 11 years. How many of us can say that?

  4. #44
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry to hear about Murphy Feif.

    It's so painful to lose a beloved pet.

    Sounds as though you gave him a great life though.
    "That's Numberwang!"

  5. #45
    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    Just wanted to add my hug in there Feif. That is indeed very sad news. I, also can not imagine a heaven without animals, so am sure he is there too!
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  6. #46
    eny
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    Big hug from me too Feif. I know what a part of the family they are.

  7. #47
    COMBAT MISSIONS junkie! BravoFan's Avatar
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    Feif I'm so sorry to hear your news.

    I've often told my dad that I don't think I'm going to be able to handle it when Bailey passes, and he gave me some great advice that I hope I remember. He told me that I should not think of what I am losing, but focus on how great I made life for the pet while he was here. Murphy was lucky to have you in his life!
    "They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04)
    Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02)
    BB8 - A "conveyor belt of human garbage." ("Pono" - 9/07)

  8. #48
    COMBAT MISSIONS junkie! BravoFan's Avatar
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    Feif, here is an article that I hope helps. I've read it before in the newsletter the rescue league I belong to sends out. I found it online at Petloss.com.

    It's important to recognize that grief for the loss of a pet is truly normal and you should not feel "guilty" because of it.

    "Society in general does not give bereaved pet owners "permission" to grieve openly. Consequently, pet owners often feel isolated and alone."

    GRIEVING THE LOSS OF A PET

    Grief is the normal response to any important loss in life. It occurs regardless of whether death followed a prolonged illness, or a sudden accident. Grieving people experience both physical and emotional traumas as they try to adapt to the upheaval in their lives brought about by the loss.

    Psychologists have long recognized that the grief suffered by pet owners after their pet dies is the same as that experienced after the death of a person. The death of a pet means the loss of a non-judgmental love source. There is no longer anything for the pet owner to nurture and care for. Furthermore, the owner looses his or her contact with "the natural world." These feelings can be particularly intense for the elderly, single people and childless couples,( for whom the pet also is a child substitute).

    THE STAGES OF GRIEF

    In truth, the process of grief is not a cut and dried process that can be subdivided into strict categories. Rather, the grief process is a continuum, with each person experiencing it in a different way. Dividing the grief process in to "stages" helps the grief stricken person to understand that their experiences and emotions are normal. Some people will quickly progress through all the phases, while others appear to get "stuck" in a particular phase. Briefly, the stages of grief are as follows:

    1. SHOCK AND DENIAL-
    The reality of death has not yet been accepted by the bereaved. He or she feels stunned and bewildered-as if everything is "unreal."

    2.ANGER-
    The grief stricken person often lashes out at family, friends, themselves, God, the Veterinarian or the world in general. Bereaved people will also experience feelings of guilt or fear during this stage.

    3. BARGAINING-
    In this stage, the bereaved asks for a deal or reward from either God, the Veterinarian or the Clergy. Comments like "I'll go to Church every day, if only my pet will come back to me" are common.

    4. DEPRESSION-
    Depression occurs as a reaction to the changed way of life created by the loss. The bereaved person feels intensely sad, hopeless, drained and helpless. The pet is missed and thought about constantly.

    5. ACCEPTANCE-
    Acceptance comes when the changes brought upon the person by the loss are stabilized into a new lifestyle.
    The depth and intensity of the mourning process depends on many factors. The age of the owner, circumstances surrounding the death, relationship of the animal to the owner and to other family members, are all significant. Recently experiencing the death of a significant person in the owner's life can also affect how the pet's death is handled. Usually, children recover more quickly, while the elderly take the longest. Sometimes, the death of a pet will finally enable the bereaved to mourn the loss of a person, whose death had not yet been accepted.

    PET LOSS AND CHILDREN

    Many people do not realize how traumatic and confusing death can be on a child. Although children tend to grieve for shorter periods of time, their grief is no less intense than that experienced by adults. Children also tend to come back to the subject repeatedly; so extreme patience is required when dealing with the grieving child. Some helpful tips for helping the grieving child include:

    1. Giving the child permission to work through their grief.
    - tell their teacher about the pet's death.
    - encourage the child to talk freely about the pet.
    - give the child plenty of hugs and reassurance.
    - discuss death, dying and grief honestly.


    2. NEVER say things like "God took your pet," or the pet was "put to sleep."
    - The child will learn to fear that God will take them, their parents or their siblings.
    - The child will become afraid of going to sleep.

    3. Include the child in everything that is going on.

    4. Explain the permanency of death.

    DO PETS GRIEVE?

    What many people find hard to believe is that animals can form very firm attachments with each other. Even pets that outwardly seem to barely get along will exhibit intense stress reactions when separated. In fact, grieving pets can show many symptoms identical to those experienced by the bereaved pet owner. The surviving pet(s) may become restless, anxious and depressed. There may also be much sighing, along with sleep and eating disturbances. Often, grieving pets will search for their dead companions and crave more attention from their owners.

    How can an owner help the grieving pet? By following the following recommendations:
    1. Keep the surviving pet(s) routines as normal as possible.
    2. Try not to unintentionally reinforce the behavior changes.
    - if the pet's appetite is picky, don't keep changing the food. All that does is create a more finicky pet.
    - don't overdo the attention given to the pet(s) as it can lead to separation anxiety.


    3. Allow the surviving animals to work out the new dominance hierarchy themselves.
    - there may be scuffles and fights as the animals work out the new pecking order (dogs mostly)

    4. Don't get a new pet to help the grieving pet(s) unless the owner is ready.
    - will backfire unless the owner is emotionally ready for a new pet.
    - people still grieving won't have the energy for it.

    Should the owner let the surviving animals see and smell their dead companion?
    There is no evidence that doing so will help the surviving pet(s), but some people claim that it does.
    Usually, all it accomplishes is to make the owner feel better. Therefore, if the owner wants to have the surviving pets "say good-bye," then it should be allowed.

    HEALING

    Given time, healing will occur for the bereaved owner.
    However, there are several things that the grief-stricken owner can do to help speed up the healing process:

    1. Give yourself permission to grieve.
    - only YOU know what your pet meant to you.


    2. Memorialize your pet.
    - makes the loss real and helps with closure.
    - allows the bereaved to express their feelings, pay tribute and reflect.
    - draws in social support.


    3. Get lots of rest, good nutrition and exercise.


    4. Surround yourself with people who understand your loss.
    - let others care for you.
    - take advantage of support groups for bereaved pet owners.


    5. Learn all you can about the grief process. - helps owners realize that what they are experiencing is normal.

    6. Accept the feelings that come with grief.
    - talk, write, sing, or draw.


    7. Indulge yourself in small pleasures.


    8. Be patient with yourself.
    -DON'T let society dictate how long mourning should last.


    9. Give yourself permission to backslide.
    - it WILL end and your life WILL be normal again.
    - grief is like waves in the ocean: at first the waves come in fast and hard, but as time goes on, the waves become less intense and further apart.
    - don't be surprised if holidays, smells, sounds, or words trigger a relapse.


    10. Don't be afraid to get help.
    - pet loss support groups
    - grief counselors.


    11. Be sure to consult your own "Higher Power."
    - either religious or spiritual.


    CONCLUSION

    Grief is probably the most confusing, frustrating and emotional thing that a person can experience. It is even more so for pet owners. Society in general does not give bereaved pet owners "permission" to grieve openly. Consequently, pet owners often feel isolated and alone. Luckily, more and more resources are becoming available to help the bereaved pet owner realize that they are NOT alone and that what they are feeling is entirely normal.
    "They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04)
    Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02)
    BB8 - A "conveyor belt of human garbage." ("Pono" - 9/07)

  9. #49
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    Ok, I read this not too long ago, and it's making its rounds, so I thought maybe this would also help. It's called "The Rainbow Bridge".

    Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
    There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
    There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
    The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

    Author unknown...
    You might also be interested in the Pet Loss/Grief Support website.

  10. #50
    COMBAT MISSIONS junkie! BravoFan's Avatar
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    OMG John, that Rainbow bridge story makes be cry like a big baby every time I read it.
    "They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04)
    Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02)
    BB8 - A "conveyor belt of human garbage." ("Pono" - 9/07)

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