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Thread: Advice for dealing with arguments with your spouse

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    FORT Fogey Lizard's Avatar
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    Advice for dealing with arguments with your spouse

    I read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Men think they are in trouble and do not want to talk to women but will talk when they come out of their cave. And if you go into the cave before then you will get burned by the nasty caveman.

    So read a happy book in the meantime? Meantime struggle with the grudge you do not like that you have developed? What is your advice?
    You can do it!

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    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Advice for dealing with arguments with your spouse

    I remember reading several places that the best time to talk to a man is when you're driving in a car somewhere. They're a captive audience () and they prefer to talk facing the same direction, not face to face. In fact, when I was researching a grad paper on the differences between the male and female brain (fascinating!) one study had males and females of different ages go into a room together with chairs against the wall. They were asked to bring the chairs into the middle of the room and just talk to each other. Males of all ages would put their chairs beside each other and talk. Females of all ages would put their chairs face to face. Also, in any "confrontational" discussion it is best to stick to "I" statements... "When you leave me the car with no gas in it, I feel..."
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    FORT Fogey Lizard's Avatar
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    Re: Advice for dealing with arguments with your spouse

    Thanks! I will remember that.

    Interesting about the face to face and side by side stuff.
    You can do it!

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    Red Sox Nation Brooks's Avatar
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    Re: Advice for dealing with arguments with your spouse

    Quote Originally Posted by Gutmutter View Post
    I remember reading several places that the best time to talk to a man is when you're driving in a car somewhere.
    That's got to be one of the worst times! You're trapped in the car, and whoever is driving may be getting hot under the collar.

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    Best Ever Pool Runner Angry Birds Champion pikachu's Avatar
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    Re: Advice for dealing with arguments with your spouse

    Yeah, I think Rihanna tried to talk to Chris Brown in the car once. It didn't work out so well for her!

  6. #6
    Live-Love-Laugh Fanny Mare's Avatar
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    Re: Advice for dealing with arguments with your spouse

    I would never argue in the car. Nope not a good idea
    The average dog is a nicer person than the average person
    -Andy Rooney-

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    FORT Fogey Miss Scarlet's Avatar
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    Re: Advice for dealing with arguments with your spouse

    Quote Originally Posted by Brooks View Post
    That's got to be one of the worst times! You're trapped in the car, and whoever is driving may be getting hot under the collar.
    From personal experience it was one of the worst times possible. He's not the only captive audience.
    Being with a man driving 70+ miles an hour down a highway yelling, screaming & insulting you is NOT good. They also know they have an captive audience & use it to the hilt.
    I remember getting out of the car feeling more beaten on the inside as Rhianna looked on the outside. Plus the terror of dying in a firey crash didn't help.

    Both parties need to be able to walk away & remove themselves from the situation if it gets heated.
    "Is this Heaven? No, it's Iowa. --Field of Dreams--"

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    FORT Fogey
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    Re: Advice for dealing with arguments with your spouse

    Is the idea behind talking to a man in a car supposed to be that it will be a discussion instead of an argument? I'd agree that it's not a good time to have a yelling screaming fight. But if the goal is to effectively communicate with your spouse, then I think that approaching it with the expectation that it WILL be a fight is the first problem.

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    FORT Fogey KatesMom's Avatar
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    Re: Advice for dealing with arguments with your spouse

    Quote Originally Posted by AcookerTV View Post
    Is the idea behind talking to a man in a car supposed to be that it will be a discussion instead of an argument? I'd agree that it's not a good time to have a yelling screaming fight. But if the goal is to effectively communicate with your spouse, then I think that approaching it with the expectation that it WILL be a fight is the first problem.
    Agreed. I have learned to use "I" statements a lot, and to be clear that this is how I feel. You might not like it, but they are my feelings and I am entitled to them - just like he is. Also, it is innate in everyone to want to "win" and you HAVE to check that at the door if you want to have a productive conversation. For me, it is all about remembering how much I love him and not wanting to say something that I can't take back. And believe me, when I'm ticked, that is HARD - but it has totally been worth it. We have disagreements from time to time, but knock-down drag out screaming matches? It has been years.

    Oh, and the hardest of all - you have to be willing to listen, not just speak. And you HAVE to be willing to admit when you are wrong. Our egos don't like that at all - but you have to learn how to do it. Unless you are walking on water, you are not right all the time!!
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    Live-Love-Laugh Fanny Mare's Avatar
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    Re: Advice for dealing with arguments with your spouse

    Unless you are walking on water, you are not right all the time!!
    hmm.and even then...
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