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Thread: Name change?

  1. #21
    FORT Fogey PGM35's Avatar
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    Re: Name change?

    Just my opinion and I have no kids nor do I have any experience with this! But I guess I am a little more traditional and I think a child should have their father's last name, especially if the child's parents were married. A friend of mine always used her maiden name for work but her daughter has her husband's name - which is her biological father by the way. Another friend divorced when her son was 3 and the child kept his last name while she went back to her maiden name. And another case when the parents didn't marry, the child has the father listed on his birth certificate but the child has his mom's maiden name as his last name. She has since married and took her husband's name but her son's name was not changed.

    I agree with asking her what she thinks - she may have a strong opinion about it and I think that's valid. If I were you SG, I would not keep the ex's last name.

  2. #22
    FORT Fogey Add It Up Champion famita's Avatar
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    Re: Name change?

    Congrats, Stargazer! I would change the name, as long as the child and birth father don't have a problem. If he doesn't have any say in it, then listen to what your daughter wants. And I also agree if your future husband wants to adopt, go for it. (I know this sounds too glib for the feelings involved, but it's a name. I personally like Ethel Floone and Ezmerelda Schmiedelkopf)

  3. #23
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Re: Name change?

    Thank you to everyone for your advice and congratulations. I really appreciate it.

    Seeing everyone's comments really helped me sort through all of this. I decided at the very least that I needed to talk to her about it and see if she had a strong feeling one way or the other. So last night when I was putting her to bed, I talked to her about it.

    Boy, she had a much stronger opinion than I expected. First of all, I told her that my last name would be different when I married her Dadzeo (that's what she calls my fiance right now). She got really sad and said, "but Mommy, I'll be the only one in the family named ********". She then asked why she couldn't be a ***** too. I asked her if thats what she wanted and she said thats definitely what she wanted. I told her that she could have both names, her original last name and her new last name together if she wanted. All she was worried about was that she only wanted to write her new name on her schoolwork.

    So, I think my decision would be to drop ex's name from my own, for sure. As for Lil Star, it was clear to me that she wanted a name change as well. As I've said before, I would never remove her original name. Its her name to do with as she sees fit when she gets older and I wouldn't take that decision out of her hands. However, I don't see an issue with her having a hyphenated last name for right now. It would make it easier for her stepdad and for me with school stuff and that sort of thing and it seems it would make her feel more comfortable. If she changed her mind one day, she could always change it back.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  4. #24
    FORT Fogey justCoz's Avatar
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    Re: Name change?

    Stargazer I so glad for you that your talk went so well. How fantastic to have it all out in the open and Lil Star know exactly what she wants.

  5. #25
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Re: Name change?

    Star. It sounds like it all worked out really well, and you have a smart little daughter. My husband went through the same thing, but he was very close to his father so it was a very different situation. His dad would have been very hurt if he changed his name, and I don't believe it was an issue. I think you came to a very good compromise and she can use your new husband's name.

    Also, for you and I wish you happiness in your new marriage, you guys really deserve it!

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