+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 25

Thread: Name change?

  1. #11
    Defying Gravity Jamie5632's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    464

    Re: Name change?

    Congrats Star!

    I was on the kid side. My mom got remarried when I was three and when I was almost five she found out she was pregnant and talked to both me and my dad about it. He agreed to let her change my last name to the new last name (no adoption, just a name change). I asked him about that recently (I am his only biological child) and he said it was more important to him for me to feel like I wasn't left out than it was to have me walking around having his last name. I can't say I felt one way or the other about it since I was so young, but it was nice being the same as my mom and my sister. (granted, I'm 35 so things were slightly more traditional than they are now as far as blended families, hyphens, etc) But it would have been just as nice being the same as my dad. I think if you explain what is going on and listen to her side, she's old enough to 'get it' and have some input maybe but for sure some understanding. And she's beyond giving what my first response was "but I just learned to write my old name!!!"
    Wag more, bark less

  2. #12
    FORT Newbie dandelionboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Visalia
    Posts
    21

    Re: Name change?

    My mom and her new husband met online and each one of them were married at the time. Her taking his name doesn't bother me. Her cheating on my dad with a married man? Now that bothered me.

  3. #13
    PWS
    PWS is offline
    FORT Fogey
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Posts
    14,995

    Re: Name change?

    Congrats, Star! I agree with the above posters, but would add, if children of the new marriage start to come along, that might be the time your daughter would most likely start to feel left out---presumably not for a year or two. By then you surely could have a reasonable conversation with her about hyphenating her name to include her in, or using the middle name option Lois suggested. Or sooner if you start to detect that she's feeling "left out". I"d suggest just keeping a watchful eye on her to determine a time to have the conversation, and then leave it up to her.
    A friend of mine was widowed young with a couple of kids. She had established herself professionally under her married name, so when she remarried and had more kids she kept her original married name for professional and some social situations and in others she was Mrs. Newhusband. There though there were two kids at least with the first husband's name, so they could keep each other company as it were. And she still had positive feelings about Oldhusband.
    I'd definitely be reluctant to keep Oldhusband's name in your case!

  4. #14
    Crazy Shutterbug Harmony2000's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    4,163

    Re: Name change?

    My mother has been married and divorced 5 times. There are four of us. All with different last names and that never was an issue with us.

    I don't think you should have to keep a name that brings bad memories with it. I'm sure if you explained to your daughter how you are feeling and gave her the option of hyphenating her name to include the new family name (if she so chooses) then that will eliminate any feelings of being left out.

    Again....it never was a concern to my brothers and myself that we all had different last names but that could be because none of the marriages ever worked out.

  5. #15
    Wait, what? ArchieComic Fan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    The Farm
    Posts
    4,698

    Re: Name change?

    My parents divorced when I was already an adult so name changes didn't bother me. My mother took the last name of her second husband but when he died she reverted back to her maiden name.

    Your daughter is only 6 now but one day she might get married and decide to change her last name to her husband's. You could retain your first husband's last name until your daughter is old enough to give her opinion or until she changes it herself through marriage or by taking on your new husband's last name should she choose to do so down the line.

    I think consulting with an attorney about this might offer some new insight. I know I would feel the same as you do if I were in the same situation but would probably change to my new husband's last name. I'm sure whatever decision you make will be the right one. And I agree with those who said she might be old enough to comprehend it now and will tell you how she feels. If she's not comfortable with you having a different last name than her right now, you can always address the topic again as she gets older. Sooner or later it probably won't be an issue for her.

  6. #16
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: Name change?

    Congrats on the upcoming wedding.

    I really have no new advice other than to say that my neice kept her maiden name when she got married and then they hypenated the children's names when they were born to include both her surname and her husbands, so no one in that family has the same last name. It makes it a bear for me to address the Christmas card each year, but her kids are 14 and 11 and don't seem to have a problem with it. But my neice says that the kids teachers address her and her husband by Mr. and Mrs. hypenated last name when neither of their name is the hyphenated last name.
    But I'm sure teachers have a lot of students that have different surnames than the parents.

    And I now just address the card to "Jane Doe and family". Saves a lot of room, and inside the card, I put all their first names. The first couple years, I just listed all 4 names on the envelope and that wasn't working for me. She's fine with my compromise and says a lot of their friends do the same.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  7. #17
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Dublin, OH
    Posts
    26,558

    Re: Name change?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stargazer;3073617;
    My daughter will have three step-siblings and possible future siblings with all the same name while she's the different one.
    First congrats on the upcoming nuptials!
    I have a friend that is in this situation. She never married the dad of child #1 so her oldest always had a different last name as she was given the fathers name. When she married and had a child with another man, the oldest continued to have the different name from the 3 of them. Now she is divorced. The oldest daughter is at the age (10) where it doesn't bother her but she did feel somewhat as the odd one out for the few years. It didn't help though that the step dad treated her that way also which is why he is now an ex.

  8. #18
    FORT Fogey justCoz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    1,926

    Re: Name change?

    I have personally not dealt with this. My parents divorced but neither remarried and my mother just kept his last name. I guess after 20 years it was just easier. Plus my sister and I were still in school, so that probably made it easier that way. And that was 20+ years ago too.

    I have, however, an idea that seems to be somewhat of a norm around here. A few kids that we've worked with in our youth group at church, as well as kids at my daughter's school have a legal last name and a last name they prefer to be called. As a matter of fact on my daughter's registration at school they have spots for both of those things, the last name the child wishes to be called as well as a spot for the legal last name. I don't know if that would be a solution for you. That can be confusing, but the kids we worked with never seemed to be bothered by it and always explained it to us. Often the explanation just was that they had 2 last names.

    Conversely we've had families that did use different last names. I have an aquaintence that has a different last name than their child. Often at school they will be called "Mrs. Smith" rather than their name of "Mrs. Jones". They've learned to just answer to 'Mrs. Smith' because that's easier than trying to explain it.

  9. #19
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    looking for a deal on evilBay
    Posts
    6,052

    Re: Name change?

    Hubby and I discussed this over supper. Ask babygazer what she'd prefer. At 6 she'll have a good idea.
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  10. #20
    FORT Fanatic Melitta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    484

    Re: Name change?

    Stargazer, I commend you on thinking about this situation ahead of time. My husband and I have 4 children, two from his first marriage and two together. Because my husband's second child from his first marriage was born after they had split up, the mom gave him her last name. So, we have 3 children with one last name and one with another. He has had a very difficult time with this. Adding to the problem was when his mom remarried she took that man's name and so now he is stuck with a name NOBODY in the family has. He will turn 18 this year and has already told us he plans to be at the court house filing for a name change on his birthday, so that he can graduate under the last name he should have been all along. On another note, my brother and I had a different last name from my mom when she remarried and we didn't think anything of it. But it could have been that there were two of us, not just one.

    I don't know if this will help or not, but you can post on this site Legal Help, Directories, Articles, and Forums From ExpertLaw click on the Law Forum link in the right hand corner and see if you can get some answers about hyphenating her name, if she wanted to do that. I know in Texas for school, your child HAS to go by the name on the birth certificate, so we couldn't even hyphenate his name. I begged and pleaded with the school that he was having serious issues with his name being different and they told me flat out NO, it has to be on the birth certificate in order for him to be able to use it in school. Your schools may be less strict.

    Congrats on the upcoming wedding!
    Play by the rules, you will miss all the fun!
    Toby Keith, Jacky Don Tucker

+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.