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Thread: Dating/age Difference/question

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    everyone's a critic... holly71's Avatar
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    Dating/age Difference/question

    My baby brother is 21 y/o & he is dating a 29 y/o woman. We are all (meaning the rest of the family) supposed to meet her tonight.
    We have also found out that she has a 9 y/o son that lives with his father. My mother is more bothered by that than the age difference ~ but believe me, that is driving her insane as well. She said if he was like 25 & she was 33 or if he was 27 & she was 35 that wouldn't bother her. So it's really not so much the age difference as it is HIS age in comparison to hers right now (hope that made sense). But regardless, the fact that she doesn't have custody of her kid really bothers my mom & I must admit it makes me wonder as well. My brother says that she was tricked out of getting custody. I don't know what to think. I just wanted to vent to someone about this that isn't involved it the situation. I want my brother to be happy, but trust me, he is not mature for his age. He's not immature either; he's just like an average 21 y/o guy. I can't imagine why a 29 year old woman would want to date someone who is basically a kid. Am I being overprotective? Is my mother over-reacting? I don't think we are, but I'm just curious what do y'all think?
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    Premium Member glennajo's Avatar
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    The age diff wouldn't bother me as much as the custody situation. I don't know about Texas, but in Illinois, the mother has to do something pretty bad to not have custody (as a rule). I have heard of women just giving their kids up, but to be tricked out of custody? I don't know. Being skeptical like I am, I would be very leery of believing this. Maybe your brother isn't giving you all the details.

    Well, that said, meet her tonight, give her the benefit of the doubt, and then form your own opinions. I'm sure you'll be able to tell when you meet her. Good luck!

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    everyone's a critic... holly71's Avatar
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    Originally posted by glennajo
    The age diff wouldn't bother me as much as the custody situation. I don't know about Texas, but in Illinois, the mother has to do something pretty bad to not have custody (as a rule). I have heard of women just giving their kids up, but to be tricked out of custody? I don't know. Being skeptical like I am, I would be very leery of believing this. Maybe your brother isn't giving you all the details.
    That's what we think too ~ my mother said "she doesn't raise her own kid, that should tell you something" & then my brother said "she was duped" We think that's what she told him & he believes her b/c he's young & doesn't know better. Believe it or not, I'm nervous about meeting her, even though she's the outsider, not me! My brother told her that our family is like Ray Romano's family. Great.
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    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    I have to give her the benefit of the doubt. If you haven't met her yet I would try to keep all opinions as even as possible.

    I was 18 when I met my husband. He is 7 years older than me and has a daughter from a previous relationship, (she was 4 when we met) and I swear to you he was "tricked" out of getting custody. It was an awful situation, but he and his parents tried VERY hard to get her. You would not believe what some people (some lawyers included) will tell a person to do to get custody. Unfortunately his daughters mother did about everything someone suggested.

    The reason I tell you is because your brothers girlfriend could be a wonderful trusting person, who screwed up.

    Remember she is going to be very nervous tonight, so give yourself a few meetings before you pass judgement.

    By the way... I'm 36, so 1/2 my life has been spent with the man of my dreams, who maybe didn't look perfect on paper. My family loves him and his family loves me
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

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    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    My boyfriend and I have the same age difference as your brother and his girlfriend. (I'm also 29)

    I don't have a child of course, but let me tell you why I choose to be with someone who is a 'kid' as you call it.

    He's more mature than most men my age
    He treats me with respect
    He makes me laugh
    He doesn't take me for granted
    He has a clear plan for his life
    He doesn't want to party all the time

    It wasn't like I was cruising the high schools for a boyfriend or that I'm some kind of pedophile. When we met, he thought I was younger and I thought he was older. When we learned how old we really were, (we had assumed before) we had a choice to break up, but we chose not to.

    I'm not sure how, but it works.

    For the record, his family and my family see nothing wrong with it.

    Please don't be so quick to judge. She could make him very happy.
    If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker.
    It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.


  6. #6
    everyone's a critic... holly71's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Miss Filangi
    I don't have a child of course, but let me tell you why I choose to be with someone who is a 'kid' as you call it.
    Well, my brother is a kid, you will have to trust me on that. He is not mature for his age, but not immature either; just average 21 y/o guy maturity. That being said, we met the g/f tonight, & she was not what I expected at all, both physically & personality-wise. Actually, if I didn't know her age, I would have thought she was the same age as my brother. She looked & came across as very young. She was as quiet as a mouse. That might have been nerves though. My brother isn't much of a talker either, so I can see that similarity. I was the only one who spoke directly to her & asked her questions. I only got basic one word or one sentence answers, but like I said, she may have been nervous. I don't know what my parents think, b/c we left before my brother & her did, so I'll have to call my mom tomorrow & see what my parents thought. I don't have any kind of opinion; but I admit I am still curious about the situation with her kiddo. Just based on what I saw of her, she didn't strike me as the kind of person who would have been a "bad" mom. I don't know how long she's been divorced, but maybe she divorced the guy when she was still really young & truly was tricked out of custody. I dunno. I'm tired. I'm going to bed now.
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    everyone's a critic... holly71's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Miss Filangi
    My boyfriend and I have the same age difference as your brother and his girlfriend. (I'm also 29)

    It wasn't like I was cruising the high schools for a boyfriend or that I'm some kind of pedophile. When we met, he thought I was younger and I thought he was older. When we learned how old we really were, (we had assumed before) we had a choice to break up, but we chose not to.

    Please don't be so quick to judge. She could make him very happy.
    BTW, they met at work. I don't think she's some kind of pervert. I never said that, so please don't assume that I think that, b/c that's not at ALL what I meant. I don't know how long they've known each other, so I have no idea if they thought they were the same age, but after meeting her, it's very possible he thought she was younger. I don't see how she would think he was older though. He defintely does not look older; he is very baby-faced. Also, I don't feel that I was being judgemental ~ I'm just acting like a big sis. That's why I asked for input as to whether or not I was being overprotective. I also said that I want him to be happy.
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  8. #8
    An innocent bystander nlmcp's Avatar
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    The age difference is no big deal, he is legal and that is good enough. If this was a 29 year old guy dating a 21 year old woman no one would raise an eyebrow.

    The custudy issue? Well, it depends on how good her lawyer was, or if she was really dumb like a guy who worked for my father long ago, who was convinced by his ex wife that he didn't need a lawyer because she hired one. She could have lost custody due to financial reasons, or gave it up if she didn't feel settled enough. If they are just dating, it's not a big issue, it may only become one later on.
    I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide. Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise. ~Bob Seger

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    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    Holly, I apologize if I seemed to snap at you. I was reacting to this:
    I can't imagine why a 29 year old woman would want to date someone who is basically a kid.
    I simply told you why I choose to date my boyfriend who is considerably younger than me.

    Of course, I do not have a child myself so that is much different from your situation.

    For the record, in speaking with you from your posts before on the board I've liked you immensely and I never assumed you didn't want your brother to be happy... I just hope you understand why your reaction struck a chord with me.
    If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker.
    It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.


  10. #10
    everyone's a critic... holly71's Avatar
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    Originally posted by nlmcp
    The age difference is no big deal, he is legal and that is good enough. If this was a 29 year old guy dating a 21 year old woman no one would raise an eyebrow.
    You're probably right, but that's b/c generally, girls are more mature than guys
    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

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