How old were you when you started dating?

[RubyPhoenix]

Ellen -

I've heard the "you're the kind of girl who guys will appreciate when their older" speech several times. I hope it's true.

The little girl I tutored is actually Korean.
I'm also half Korean, and so I understand that Korean mothers are pretty intense about getting married and families...lol... *sigh*

[burntbrat]

Ruby, you've gotten a lot of great advice here. As far as being one of the guys, that happens to a lot of people. I think I actually read it in Dear Abby or Dear Margo recently. You can have the same interests as the guys you like, but make sure they never forget that you're a girl. You know, stay away from flannel and make sure that when you're playing video games with them that your fingers and toes are painted a sexy shade of red. That kind of thing.

[Lois Lane]

Ruby Phoenix, I would say that your "girlfriends" aren't your friends at all. At least not the ones who betrayed your trust. I guess the best thing that can be taken from that is that the best way to get your message across to guys is that YOU should be the one asking and not relying on a "friend" to be your messenger. Also...I hope that you won't let your experiences with those friends deter you from friendships with other women. Most women don't do things like that. The ones that do, I'd call them on it and ask them WHY they did it. The fact that three different friends did this to you, though, is a little odd.

You can't really blame guys for not being interested in you in that way--just like a guy can't blame you for not being interested in them. Personally, I think the fact that guys like you as friends is a very good sign that you're comfortable around men and that you're a good friend to others. It's just a matter of meeting the right guy, and that can just take some time. Keep on making friends with people--both men and women--and just throw a few more hints around. If you're really shy and like a guy you've been hanging around with, and he hasn't asked you out yet, just playfully say something like, "You're such a great catch. Any girl would be lucky to have you." He'll most likely be pleased and then say something about how girls aren't into him and then you can say, "I'd go out with you! Hey, why haven't you asked me out?" If he doesn't view you that way, he'll joke it off. If he's shy, too, maybe that's the hint he needs.

Anyhow, you can't control if a guy likes you or not, but you can try not to let it make you too sad. When I was in college, I used to keep a lot of journals and I was reading through one recently. I was obsessing about some boy who didn't like me and I was going on and on about him. I cannot for the life of me even remember who this guy was. But when I was 20 or 21, I thought it was the end of the world that he didn't know I was alive. Oh, here's another embarassing memory. I liked this one guy in my class who was a grade or two ahead of me but hadn't taken this class as a freshman so he had to before he could graduate. I did like him so I'd sneak peeks. But he also sat right across from me so when I'd get bored in class and space out, my eyes would kind of stop in his direction. I'm sure I looked like a freak. Well, don't you know--he actually told one of his friends to tell me that staring isn't polite. That ended that crush right there. But the point is, I didn't die. I didn't even break a sweat. And I still got an A in that class.

As for people being pushy, I think people just sometimes don't think. I was at a party recently with Mr. Lane, who was talking to some other friends. A woman who I had never met before said, "Hi, what's your name? Are you married? And how many kids do you have?" I had never heard such a direct string of personal questions before. I said, "My name is Lois. Yes I'm married and no I don't have any children." She then asked why. I just said, "Why would you like to know?" and smiled. She got the hint and we actually went on to have a very nice conversation.

I would just suggest that you try to be as social as you can be and keep your options open.

[MRD]

One day, the guys will grow up and appreciate a "one of the guys" kind of girl. (Trust me; it happened to me!)

)

Me too! My husband really appreciates that I like guy things because it means we have a lot in common. I still like and do "girlie" things too, but being one of the guys isn't bad. In fact, it can give you experience around men so you aren't so nervous around them.

[Lois Lane]

Me too! My husband really appreciates that I like guy things because it means we have a lot in common. I still like and do "girlie" things too, but being one of the guys isn't bad. In fact, it can give you experience around men so you aren't so nervous around them.

You're also a fantastic cook, and I think every guy is smitten with women who can cook! Heck, I love guys who can cook, too! It's a rare treat these days...

[MRD]

You're also a fantastic cook, and I think every guy is smitten with women who can cook! Heck, I love guys who can cook, too! It's a rare treat these days...

Yeah, but I didn't cook much back then, so he didn't really know I was a good cook. He's also a great cook by the way. He actually cooked for me before I had ever cooked for him.

[Lois Lane]

Yeah, but I didn't cook much back then, so he didn't really know I was a good cook. He's also a great cook by the way. He actually cooked for me before I had ever cooked for him.

Why do you think I keep trying to get invited over to dinner at chez rosiedog's house!!!

I agree with what you and Ellen said...I think guys grow to appreciate well-rounded women who share some of their interests ("being one of the guys"). Nothing wrong with that! I think when couples have some similar core interests, it really helps in keeping the relationship going.

[PWS]

Great advice from all above... Sad story about the girlfriends...on the one hand it shows you've got good taste in guys...other women want them... on the other hand maybe not such good taste in girlfriends. As said above, I hope that doesn't discourage you from having good female friends in the future.
Re blind dates... don't rule them out... I dated a lot, but I actually met my S.O. on the only blind date either of us ever went on...and 40+ years later, still working. AND you won't be having to break through the "one of the guys" mental barrier that the guy's set up...he'll be expecting a "date" not a pal.
An idea for breaking that barrier with the guys you do know now... Do some of these videogamer/comic book fans know each other...that is, are you a kind of a group? Is there a relevant convention that meets within striking distance of you? There's one that meets near me, that includes science fiction, comics, video games, role players, etc., etc., and it's clearly a fun event that you might be able to talk a group (or even just a special guy) into attending. Now here's the "trick" part...talk them into going in costume, and then get yourself into something really strikingly different from your normal wear, but flattering, feminine/sexy. It's very common for people to come in costume to these events.
I saw the effect of this several times as I was growing up (I changed schools a lot)....one minute I was "one of the gang" and then after the Hallowe'en party, etc., I was suddenly someone to pursue, just because the costume "allowed" me to "show off" what I had without conveying the message that wearing tight clothes every day did in that day and age. I'm guessing if you weren't dating in high school for religious reasons you also aren't someone who has been too into the belly baring thong showing hooker chic that's been so prevalent the last few years... so maybe guys are just not thinking of you in a sexual fashion. But believe me, once people do see you in that fashion they don't go back to their old way of looking at you even when you go back to your normal mode of dress.
I know this sounds very corny/cheesy, but you need to do something to shake your guy friends out of their usual mode of thinking of you. They are telling you they don't "think of you that way"--so it sounds like you need something to shake them up and make them think of you "that way." FYI, a trip to the beach in a good bathing suit will probaby have the same effect! And might be simpler to organize.
You've seen those old "Marian the librarian" movies, right? Where the staid office worker/librarian/etc. takes off her glasses/pulls a pin out of her long beautiful hair/etc. and the guy suddenly gasps and sees what any nitwit could have seen long before if they were looking for it.... that's the effect you are looking for...for them to realize that this great woman they have so much fun with is not JUST one of the guys, but also a woman. And, as I say, in my experience, you don't really have to leave your comfort zone and give yourself some kind of total makeover, you just have to play for a day...act just like yourself, but in a Wonder Woman costume or a bikini (though you may want to wear it around the house a bit first to get used to it!) Hormones take care of the rest.

Anyway, not saying the above is a guarenteed win, but it's got a good chance of working---have fun with it. And re your mom...at least you have a sister to spread the "grandchildren pressure" around on! And as several have said, as guys get older they do begin to appreciate women with common interests more...so things are likely to get better.

[AshleyPSU]

Ruby, I'm sorry you are starting to feel crappy about not dating. We are the same age and it seems that we are in about the same stage in our life as far as being out of college and all of that good stuff. One of my best friends is getting married this Saturday and I'm a bridesmaid, then another close friend is getting married July 5 and I'm also a bridesmaid in that wedding. I'm actually quite happy that I'm "always the bridesmaid and never the bride".

I started dating when I was in high school and did a little bit in college also, but I've only had 1 "serious" relationship and that one lasted for a year. I date off and on now, but it honestly isn't high on my priority list. Even though all of my friends have serious boyfriends and some are getting married, I still have no burning desire to settle down. You and I are at the age where we should be having a crazy time being 24 and single. This is obviously all my personal opinion, but there are lots of ways to have fun and feel loved without dating. Having close guy friends (which I do) is no substitute for a boyfriend, but I feel like if I combine my best girlfriends and my best guy friends, I have all the love and support I need.

If it is the romantic stuff you are craving and wishing you had, everyone feels like that at times. Sometimes I look at my friends with their boyfriends and think, "Man I wish I had someone to cuddle with tonight". But then there are times when I'm out at the bar acting crazy and I see a cute guy and think, "Thank God I can ogle him freely"

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't get discouraged that you haven't dated yet. You have your entire life to be in a relationship. Enjoy being 24. Flirt with guys and have a good time. I see that you are shy, and there's nothing wrong with that. It isn't hard to strike up conversation with a guy. They aren't really as complicated as people think they are. I am totally "one of the guys" and I can talk sports with the best of them, but I also make sure my girly side is completely evident. You can find the right mix between the two.

As far as people who bug you about still being single, I know that's annoying. People always ask me when I'm going to find someone and settle down and my mother always reminds me that when she was my age, she was married. Usually when people make a comment or ask if I'm seeing anyone I just tell them that I haven't found anyone worthy of me or that I'm seeing all the wrong people and just can't seem to find the right one yet. They usually laugh and get the hint.

Good luck with everything and if you ever feel lonely, I find that an electric blanket is much more fun to cuddle with. It doesn't hog the bed or have morning breath.

[RubyPhoenix]

Thanks a lot for all the advice ladies.

All of you have really encouraged me and have made me feel far from abnormal now. I'll try to keep in mind all of your advice and stories the next time I'm feeling down.

Thanks, AshleyPSU, it's also nice to hear good stuff from someone who is in the same stage of life as me.

I'm young, happy, and single.
Now I just got to start remembering it more, and stop letting everyone else get to me.