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Thread: Dating out of your age bracket

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    YOUUUUUUUUUKKK! GingerLVNV's Avatar
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    Dating out of your age bracket

    I'm not sure if this belongs in the relationship thread as its not really *there* yet...

    Anyone with experience dating outside of their 'age bracket' care to share advice, tips and tricks, trials, ups and downs, etc...?

    I'm seeing a guy that is almost exactly 10 years my junior, all I can do is think about how once I cross over to that 'starting to really show my age' part of my life that he will just move on? Why can't I just appreciate what I have now without walking us down the aisle already?

    We have a TON in common, and I mean a ton...including children. He makes me laugh, he is smart and witty and of course youthfully gorgeous Of course my family is starting to chime in on how he must be in it for other reasons, blah blah blah....which makes me feel like they dont' think I'm worthy?

    So frustrating...anyway!!! I'd love to hear similar experiences

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    Re: Dating out of your age bracket

    Quote Originally Posted by GingerLVNV;2980968;
    I'm not sure if this belongs in the relationship thread as its not really *there* yet...

    Anyone with experience dating outside of their 'age bracket' care to share advice, tips and tricks, trials, ups and downs, etc...?

    I'm seeing a guy that is almost exactly 10 years my junior, all I can do is think about how once I cross over to that 'starting to really show my age' part of my life that he will just move on? Why can't I just appreciate what I have now without walking us down the aisle already?

    We have a TON in common, and I mean a ton...including children. He makes me laugh, he is smart and witty and of course youthfully gorgeous Of course my family is starting to chime in on how he must be in it for other reasons, blah blah blah....which makes me feel like they dont' think I'm worthy?

    So frustrating...anyway!!! I'd love to hear similar experiences

    I have 2 VERY good friends that are married to men 10 and 12 years their juniors. They are extremely happy, have been married for over 7 years and everything seems to be going well for them. they are 46 and 47 years old at present.
    I also know several other woman (not as good of friends as the others) that are married to men between 5 and 10 years their juniors). My daughter's boyfriends parents have 9 years difference and have been married now for 21 years. Yes, he does look younger than her, but it doesn't seem to matter to them. They are happy, they've had a long relationship and have a child.

    I would think that if it comes down to a relationship or marriage, he would be interested in you and not what you look like or what you may look like down the road.

    And Men have been doing it since the beginning of time, so why not women dating and marrying men younger than they are?

    I say so what. If you like each other, have a lot in common, respect each other, what is age but a number anyway??
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    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    Re: Dating out of your age bracket

    I'll give you the same advice that I always give--relationships are a pain in the nether regions and aren't worth the aggravation.

    If you choose to ignore that bit of wisdom (most people do ), go slowly and trust your instincts.
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
    --Marion Zimmer Bradley

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    Re: Dating out of your age bracket

    I'm actually rather surprised that this is still an issue. I was fairly sure we had moved past the age stigma. I know quiet a few people where the woman is significantly older and they are happier than those that would have been considered more traditional. I also know some where it just didn't work out. I don't think age has anything to do with the success rate of a relationship. If the couple truly have enough respect and care enough about each other, they'll do just fine and that has nothing to do with age.

    Now for personal advice. My husband is 13 years younger than me and we've been together almost 10 years now. It never crossed my mind that he'd eventually wake up and think "let's trade her in for a younger model" because that's not the sort of man I married. I take care of him and respect him and he does the same back and that's what will make the marriage last. So that's my advice to you from my POV. Forget the age difference thing and just enjoy each other. The age really doesn't matter except to those who are still rather immature (and we did run into that in the very beginning of our relationship but not anymore).

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    Re: Dating out of your age bracket

    I'm probably qualified to give an opinion on this one, lol, though the age difference in my marriage goes the other way... I am 28, and my husband is 55.

    I feel that as long as both parties are adults, it is the people that matter, not the ages. Age CAN be an issue if you make it one, but ultimately, it is pretty relative-- I've known plenty of younger people with maturity and sense way beyond their years, and lots of older people who acted like immature kids. And besides, in your heart you really are only as old as you feel. An age difference either way isn't an issue if both people love each other, have open minds, and are able to deal with the practical issues if it is a large age difference.

    In my own case, I really don't think about the age difference at all. We do get people making the father-daughter assumption, and some odd looks occasionally when people find out we're married-- I look young for my age I'm told (people sometimes guess late teens and I often get carded when I try to buy a lotto ticket) and though my husband looks younger than his age too, there is an obvious age difference. But generally there is less stigma than you'd think. I had much more in common with my husband than with most college age guys when we met; I was never into the party scene. I was 19 and he was 46 when we met, and so my parents did freak out, but they got over it. I'd call myself a bit of a freethinker, and I've never let the opinions of others bother me too much when I've felt myself to be correct on something.

    As for the practical issues, I know I may be widowed fairly young. But then, anyone could be at any time; he could outlive me, you never know in life. And if I married someone my own age, who is to say it would work out, anyways? I married my best friend, and I am happy with my decision. I also know I will probably still be in my prime when his health may be on the decline. I am prepared to be the breadwinner, and the caregiver if need be. My great-aunt had the same age difference in her marriage, and though she was widowed at about 50 I think, I know she had no regrets.

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    Anarchist AJane's Avatar
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    Re: Dating out of your age bracket

    Quote Originally Posted by GingerLVNV;2980968;
    I'm seeing a guy that is almost exactly 10 years my junior, all I can do is think about how once I cross over to that 'starting to really show my age' part of my life that he will just move on? Why can't I just appreciate what I have now without walking us down the aisle already?
    I married out of my age bracket. Age doesn't matter - what matters is how you feel about each other, and if you have the same life goals and values. Just as if you were dating within your age bracket.

    If your relationship lasts, your family will eventually stop being critical and suspicious of his motives. In my situation, it was more his family that weren't thrilled with the relationship early on, but after 11 years together it's no longer an issue.

    As for showing your age - I'm now in official "middle age" and my husband isn't, and he doesn't seem to notice how much I'm showing my age. I had those same concerns when we started going out, but it's just not important anymore. I think you'll find you feel the same way if he turns out to be a keeper. Good luck and congratulations on finding someone compatible that you seem very happy with.
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    Aint I a lil devil? SuperBrat's Avatar
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    Re: Dating out of your age bracket

    Quote Originally Posted by Newfherder;2981110;
    I'll give you the same advice that I always give--relationships are a pain in the nether regions and aren't worth the aggravation.

    If you choose to ignore that bit of wisdom (most people do ), go slowly and trust your instincts.
    Newf.... are you sure you aren't my dad? He says if he ever leaves my mom (which... is not very likely to happen lol) he will never EVER get into another relationship lol.

    And I don't particularly see anything wrong with dating out of your age bracket. Well, within reason. If you're 18-21, I don't think you should date somebody who's more than 5 years older than you. Mostly because, atleast for me, you're still somewhat in the "kid" and "high school" mentality. But once you start counting the years untill you think, "omg only ___ years untill I'm 30!", then it's fair game. While it's not a romantic relationship, there is a group of about 5 people I am close friends with online, and I am the youngest by about 10 years. Besides, I always try to believe that you fall in love with a person's soul, not their body. But then that may be the over romantic 25 year old girl in me
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    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    Re: Dating out of your age bracket

    Quote Originally Posted by SuperBrat;2982398;
    Newf.... are you sure you aren't my dad?
    I've done a lot of dumb things in my life, but I've never been dumb enough to breed

    I have dated an older woman--about 6 years older. We were old enough that the age difference wasn't a problem. (That she turned out to be a total flake WAS a problem, but this isn't the thread for that rant.)
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
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    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Dating out of your age bracket

    Mr buglover is 7 years older than me. I find it nice. He fits me perfectly. I dated a younger man once. He wasn't on the same page as me for many years.
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    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Dating out of your age bracket

    I dated older guys (a few years older than me) until I was about 30. After that, everyone I dated was younger than me -- 5 to 10 years. I loved it, and apparently so did they. My husband is a few years younger than me (I'm 40 now). The type of guy who is going to 'trade' his wife for a younger model is also the guy who will complain if she gains a pound or doesn't do anything other than what he wants her to be. Those guys were never into me and obviously, I was never into them. My husband (who looks like Kyle Chandler, as I think I've mentioned about 3,000 times ) is far more attractive physically than I am, but he thinks I'm the bees' knees. (Yup, I'm old!) So who am I to argue with him? Seriously, as someone posted earlier, it's ridiculous that age is still an issue in this day and age. As long as your boyfriend is an adult and he has all the other attributes that you find attractive in a man, don't worry about age.

    That said, one of the things I find appealing about my husband is that he gets the same pop culture references that I do, since we're close in age. I don't have to explain who "That Girl" is or things like that...

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