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Thread: Why I Need Therapy

  1. #31
    Premium Member burntbrat's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    Some of my siblings will go to my father's funeral for closure, but I figure, what's the point? Closure for what? A non-existant person? Whatever. Funerals are for the living, to celebrate the life that once was. It would be rude for me to be there with people who remember him fondly when all I could think about was what a father should be and all I missed out on. So blah. I don't wish him dead but I won't celebrate his life without me, either. One of my sisters is very close to him so I'll send her flowers or something. But other than that it will just be another day on the calendar.
    One of these days I'll stop being sensitive. Until then, I'll continue to be devastated on a daily basis. Life breaks my heart.

  2. #32
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    I respect the fact that many of you will not attend your father's funeral or mourn his passing. I do know of a person or two who feels the same way. I certainly respect that whatever feels right, or gives you peace and closure, you are certainly entitled to do, and that includes having your kobe burger and eating it too!

    My sweetie's father was not a nice man. He was feared by all his children, and by his wife. He was mean, threatening and abusive. But the sons did attend a small funeral and raise a drink to him in order to have closure.
    Last edited by misskitty; 12-05-2007 at 01:45 PM.
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  3. #33
    FORT Fogey snickertink's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    My grandfather's wife just passed away, I'll call her "dred". she was not my grandmother, she was a heartless bar fly that my grandfather dragged home after leaving my grandma.....

    Dred is dead - amazing cruel things this woman did to my family. no love lost between us and her.

    Mom, brother and I had a hysterical road trip down there. Walked in the church, saw the body, signed the guest book and walked out. We then had a wonderful lunch up the street with members of our extended family at the tavern.

    Yep, we just went to make sure "she's not only merely dead, She's really, most sincerely dead!"

  4. #34
    Miz Smarty Britches queenb's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    It's happened before, and no doubt will again...
    I've been to quite a few funerals where the one who died was somone I could care less about. But, I have very much cared for some of the bereaved who did love the deceased, very much. So, I go to the funeral as support for the survvivors, not for me to have bad thoughts. I don't feel it's rude, as i'm not dwelling on my own feelings but am there for friends or family. And usually, these people seem glad I attended with them.
    I would rather feel awkward for showing up, as too feel bad later about not going. If it's the case that no one seems to need a shoulder to lean on, I could always sneak out a side door.

    People certainly deal with things in all kinds of ways.
    I have found the Truth and it doesn't make sense.

  5. #35
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    Quote Originally Posted by queenb;2710999;
    So, I go to the funeral as support for the survvivors, not for me to have bad thoughts. I don't feel it's rude, as i'm not dwelling on my own feelings but am there for friends or family. And usually, these people seem glad I attended with them.
    I would rather feel awkward for showing up, as too feel bad later about not going. If it's the case that no one seems to need a shoulder to lean on, I could always sneak out a side door.
    queenb, what a mature and thoughtful way of looking at it. I'm sure the survivors appreciate it very much.

    I think everyone has to do what they have to do that will make them comfortable. I (thankfully) don't know what it's like to have had an abusive or indifferent parent so I can't judge anyone who has had the misfortune of being parented by jerks and chooses not to go to the funeral. But my husband and I each do have an uncle on our sides of the family for whom there is no love lost. I wouldn't be upset about missing either of their eventual funerals, but I love my aunt and cousins very much and would want to show up to support them. How they turned out so wonderful with a dad who's a selfish jackarse is beyond me...

  6. #36
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    I've heard it said, that no-one will remember if you don't attend a wedding, but everyone will remember if you don't attend a funeral!

    I agree, queenb, that a lot of times, people attend to support those who are living, not necessarily the one who died.

    ---------
    On another note, my family Christmas bickering has begun. There are only 6 of us. I already offerred up an easier way to do a simpler, less stressful Xmas gift opening and dinner all in one. It was greeted warmly by all. Everyone agreed to give in on their own specific wants, so that the family as a whole would benefit and enjoy the Day much more.

    Now, members have already started to do what they used to and things don't look good at all at this point.

    My family needs a good family therapist, but we could never agree on who, where, what would be discussed and when.
    Last edited by misskitty; 12-08-2007 at 02:12 PM.
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  7. #37
    MRD
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    I live 600 miles from my closest family. It's a great excuse for not getting together on the holidays. Or for buying gifts: "we just live too far away, don't bother getting us anything and shipping it" (which means, we aren't buying you anything either)
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  8. #38
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    I adopted a litte kitten named Lexi from a rescue organization last night.

    Well the @(#$^ has already started flying. And it hit me hard.

    I just wish that someone would be happy for me and say Congratulations. You have a big heart. You will be a good mom. Lexi is happy to have you. You have gotten much better over the last few years. You are responsible and have shown you can take care of your home, your yard, and Gracie and Mr. Tootles. I wish that this decision I made to adopt Lexi wasn't thrown in my face like I was a drug addict or alcoholic and just fell off the wagon. I wish I was given credit for not adopting every cat, kitten and puppy I've seen and held at the SPCA or pet store. I wish I wasn't judged so harshly for every thing I do or don't do. I wish I was accepted for who I am. Not for what people are afraid I will become aka, a crazy uncontrollable cat lady, or end up in hospital again.

    I wish others could be happy for me and not hurt me with sharp words and judgemental arguments. I wish that I wasn't watched and evaluated by my choices; especially those that do not affect anyone else and do break the law, or cause harm to anyone or anything.

    I wish that for once, someone would acknowledge my intelligence, my giving nature, and my own happiness, and not judge me by theirs.

    I wish I didn't have to get scared everytime I had something wonderful to tell, for fear of being judged, yelled at, questioned beyond reason, and disappointing once again.

    I am very disappointed. Not in myself. But by those I thought would be happy and supportive of me.

    My dr. is right. My expectations are too high. And I suffer because of it.
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  9. #39
    26.2, baby! Allie's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    Quote Originally Posted by misskitty;2760010;
    I adopted a litte kitten named Lexi from a rescue organization last night.

    Well the @(#$^ has already started flying. And it hit me hard.

    I just wish that someone would be happy for me and say Congratulations. You have a big heart. You will be a good mom. Lexi is happy to have you. You have gotten much better over the last few years. You are responsible and have shown you can take care of your home, your yard, and Gracie and Mr. Tootles. I wish that this decision I made to adopt Lexi wasn't thrown in my face like I was a drug addict or alcoholic and just fell off the wagon. I wish I was given credit for not adopting every cat, kitten and puppy I've seen and held at the SPCA or pet store. I wish I wasn't judged so harshly for every thing I do or don't do. I wish I was accepted for who I am. Not for what people are afraid I will become aka, a crazy uncontrollable cat lady, or end up in hospital again.

    I wish others could be happy for me and not hurt me with sharp words and judgemental arguments. I wish that I wasn't watched and evaluated by my choices; especially those that do not affect anyone else and do break the law, or cause harm to anyone or anything.

    I wish that for once, someone would acknowledge my intelligence, my giving nature, and my own happiness, and not judge me by theirs.

    I wish I didn't have to get scared everytime I had something wonderful to tell, for fear of being judged, yelled at, questioned beyond reason, and disappointing once again.

    I am very disappointed. Not in myself. But by those I thought would be happy and supportive of me.

    My dr. is right. My expectations are too high. And I suffer because of it.
    Let me get this straight. You are being criticized for adopting a kitten. Of saving its life and giving it love. Are you the neighborhood cat lady and have 300 cats who are all starving and your house is being condemned?

    I mean, that is the ONLY scenerio in where I could see you being criticized for adopting a kitty. OK, maybe if all you can afford for food it cat food, which you have to share with your other animals, maybe.

    I mean, it is your house, right? Your money? Your time and love? Just look into that kitty's eyes and you will get all the approval you need. And look into your heart as well.

    You did a good thing. And who cares if you DO decide to adopt every stray animal you see? If you can afford to do that, mentally, financially and timewise (and zoning laws permit it) that why not?

    It is your life and your heart and you are doing something good.

    I don't know what else is going on in your life. This is the first time I have even clicked on this thread. Can you tell I am a cat person?

    And having someone be happy for you and to say you did a good thing is NOT setting your expectations too high!

  10. #40
    Shark Week! dagwood's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    Quote Originally Posted by misskitty;2760010;
    I adopted a litte kitten named Lexi from a rescue organization last night.

    Well the @(#$^ has already started flying. And it hit me hard.

    I just wish that someone would be happy for me and say Congratulations. You have a big heart. You will be a good mom. Lexi is happy to have you. You have gotten much better over the last few years. You are responsible and have shown you can take care of your home, your yard, and Gracie and Mr. Tootles. I wish that this decision I made to adopt Lexi wasn't thrown in my face like I was a drug addict or alcoholic and just fell off the wagon. I wish I was given credit for not adopting every cat, kitten and puppy I've seen and held at the SPCA or pet store. I wish I wasn't judged so harshly for every thing I do or don't do. I wish I was accepted for who I am. Not for what people are afraid I will become aka, a crazy uncontrollable cat lady, or end up in hospital again.

    I wish others could be happy for me and not hurt me with sharp words and judgemental arguments. I wish that I wasn't watched and evaluated by my choices; especially those that do not affect anyone else and do break the law, or cause harm to anyone or anything.

    I wish that for once, someone would acknowledge my intelligence, my giving nature, and my own happiness, and not judge me by theirs.

    I wish I didn't have to get scared everytime I had something wonderful to tell, for fear of being judged, yelled at, questioned beyond reason, and disappointing once again.

    I am very disappointed. Not in myself. But by those I thought would be happy and supportive of me.

    My dr. is right. My expectations are too high. And I suffer because of it.

    I'm sorry to hear someone gave you that reaction.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

    Maybe we should chug on over to namby pamby land where we can find some self confidence for you, you jackwagon!

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