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Thread: Why I Need Therapy

  1. #11
    FORT Fogey ScoutMom's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    I agree with Lois Lane - there's no whining here. It's just people reaching out to people. There's nothing wrong with that. We're here to listen.

  2. #12
    Wild thang Rattus's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    Quote Originally Posted by ScoutMom;2699219;
    I agree with Lois Lane - there's no whining here. It's just people reaching out to people. There's nothing wrong with that. We're here to listen.
    While most of me knows it's not whining, my dad (surprise of all surprises) considers it whining, never mind that he complains ceaselessly about his own childhood, and I have a friend who seems to think that anyone who speaks negatively about any portion of their life is overly angst-ridden. But he had a breakdown last year, went on disability and medication and has only now gotten back to a job a great deal lower on the ladder than his original job. Personally, I think he would be much better off doing a bit of complaining now and again.

    Anyway, I forgot to mention one of the events of my life that I meant to include in my original post. About a week after the beating that lead to the ear damage, my dad started in on me again. For the first time in my life (I was fourteen), I turned on him and started yelling at him. I have no idea what I said, probably something along the lines of "leave me alone, you big bully", etc. He was obviously taken aback, stopped yelling at me, turned and left the apartment. He was gone all night (a regular occurence) and when I came home from school the next day, I found a note on the table saying that he'd moved to England. My mom had left in the middle of the night several months before to move in with her boyfriend, no note, no goodbye. Anyway, she didn't come back until three days after my dad left, leaving the fourteen year old me and my twelve year old sister alone. Actually, it was really just me. My sister spent every weekend at a friend's house. So, not surprisingly, we were abandoned by both parents and the one just came back because the law insisted on it, I assume. By the way, these were middle-class, conservative, church-going people. Dad was a journalist/editor/newspaper owner and mom was an accountant.
    All I wanted was a 45, a stinking 45 - the record or the gun. I'd even settle for the damn malt liquor. - Al Bundy.

  3. #13
    FORT Fogey ScoutMom's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    It's amazing to me how we all go through life, each in our own little world. We never know what's going on in someone else's life unless they're willing to share.

  4. #14
    Hypermediocrity Amanda's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Kitty
    Everything in this thread is private and confidential
    I'd like to point out that this is not at all true. General Discussion is not a private forum, FoRT is not a private site, and this thread and any posts in it can be accessed by anyone at any time anywhere for any reason. If the site should ever be shut down, this thread (all threads) will still live on through archived search dealies. Please don't think you have any privacy with your innermost thoughts here.

    This is not meant to discourage you from posting in this thread, only to serve as a reminder that you're on as much display in here as you are in the recipes thread, the show discussion threads, the movie threads, etc. You can never know who or how many people are reading. If you're okay with that, carry on.

  5. #15
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    Amanda: Thank you for your clarification. What I meant was that everyone who posts or reads this thread should be respectful that these are personal matters and should not be discussed outside of this forum. Of course, that cannot be regulated. As we all pretty much use fake names and such, it is as private as anything on a myspace, facebook or other forum.

    I do hope that this thread continues. I think it is therapeutic to have a place to talk about such things; kinda of a postsecret without the postcard, if you like.
    -------------------

    Rattus: I cannot fathom what you have gone through as a child. But know that your strength and kindness shines through! It must have felt a bit powerful to have been able to confront your Dad and yell at him. At least in that moment. And I think it's interesting as well, that your parents appeared on the outside, as very balanced professional members of the community. I'm sure that's not unusual.

    LoisLane: Whatever you wanted to say, go ahead. Nothing is considered inconsequential here.

    gabriel: You are a good listener; that's what makes you so special!

    burntbrat: It's not so easy to forget one's past. That's why there are therapists, professionals, workshops, and medications to help. One can't always do it alone, no matter how strong they are or how badly they want to get on with the present. You are who you are now because of your past. But I agree that doesn't mean you can't grow and learn and become a happy balanced person now.

    As myrosiedog said, it's certainly best to live in the now and the future without regrets and whatifs. But as Scoutmom said, some things are just easier said than done. I tried so hard my whole life to be able to just be happy, but I couldn't and didn't know why. From the outside, everything looked very rosey!

    It's taken a lot of therapy to figure it out and learn how to change my thought patterns so I could move onto a happier time. Unfortunately, there were a couple of suicidal episodes in between. Thankfully unsuccessful.

    Isn't that one of the worst things? It's not funny, but in a warped way, the worst thing I thought about trying to kill myself once was that I wouldn't be successful and would be injured so severely I couldn't try it again and be successful. Oh, and then everyone would know it wasn't just an accident.
    Last edited by misskitty; 11-30-2007 at 04:03 PM.
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  6. #16
    Wild thang Rattus's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    Quote Originally Posted by misskitty;2699922;
    It's taken a lot of therapy to figure it out and learn how to change my thought patterns so I could move onto a happier time. Unfortunately, there were a couple of suicidal episodes in between. Thankfully unsuccessful.

    Isn't that one of the worst things? It's not funny, but in a warped way, the worst thing I thought about trying to kill myself once was that I wouldn't be successful and would be injured so severely I couldn't try it again and be successful. Oh, and then everyone would know it wasn't just an accident.
    It apparently isn't funny to people who haven't been there, but those of us who have, well, we laugh. I had a conversation with someone this afternoon who got upset because I was laughing about the bad 'rents, but I find it to be healthier than grieving about it (been there), or moaning about it (done that), or just generally letting it affect my life negatively (didn't get the t-shirt - hah! like my parents would had spent money on a t-shirt for me - I didn't even have my first dental appointment until I was sixteen). If I can laugh, it means that they no longer control my life and I'm getting on with things.

    MissKitty, I am honestly surprised that you've had a troubled past. You have such a sunny attitude (waaaaay sunnier than mine ) that is seems like it was ingrained at birth. Kudos to you for learning to look at the brighter side of life.

    And Lois, and anyone who thinks that their issues are too small - no they're not. We get beyond whatever it is, no matter how small or how large, by confronting it, dealing with it, and eventually laughing about it.
    All I wanted was a 45, a stinking 45 - the record or the gun. I'd even settle for the damn malt liquor. - Al Bundy.

  7. #17
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    I can totally see your point Rattus. My mom was a work-a-holic who took her career over me, leaving me anywhere she could to go on business or leisure trips. My father left when I was 3 and I never saw him again. My mom died when I was 27, leaving me alone with no parents and a small child. I too have mild agorophobia and some neurosis as well. I laugh at myself all the time because it seems so stupid to be this way, but I've come to grips with my quirks and embrace them too. Hugs to everyone.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  8. #18
    FORT Fan Shaybo II's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    Rattus-Iam so sorry for what you went through nobody should go through that. Please know that I'm here for you.
    As for me my father was the Superintendant of schools so I had to be a good girl. Iam the youngest of four kids and I had to deal with the middle child she was miss perfect and she could do no wrong. She was the one who came home with good grades and she was the one who went to a good college. Me it was always why can't you be like your sister. Because of that I felt like I didn't fit in.

  9. #19
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    Rattus, maybe now I know why I have such a warped and twisted sense of humor. I can laugh and joke about even the darkest things. I think that making a joke out of stuff helps to get through it, maybe??? Or it does for me, but I tend to have an inappropriate sense of humor sometimes.

    Miss Kitty, I had no idea you have suffered so much. You seem so happy, but having said that, I used to hear that too, you seem so happy yet you have all these problems. I guess that it took me almost 40 years to come up with coping mechanisms, deal with the issues and just generally find a way to live with my life.

    Part of what really helped was my parents dying. I loved them, I know they loved me. We had some issues while I was a teenager (my mom drank and was a workaholic too and was EXTREMELY controlling), but nothing that was horribly bad. I do have severe clinical depression which runs in my family. Still, when they passed and I eventually got over the grief of losing them, I also felt for the first time ever that I was an adult and had control over my own life and could do as I wished. My more ALWAYS had comments about how I did every single little thing and it used to just grate on me. After all the therapy, I know now that I ate because that was the ONLY thing I could ever control. Even from childhood. She had control over every single aspect of my life except what I put in my mouth. And then I used food as comfort. Every slight, every comment, every fight, I ate.

    I know its not easy to get to the place I am now, and I know I probably wouldn't be here if my parents were still alive. But I did work hard to understand my problems and I do think that despite the setbacks we've had in the past year, I am happier than I've ever been, because I have managed to finally find the place in me, where I am happy. It was a long, hard road and has included much therapy to get here. But I do believe it can be done and I know that if I can do it, then anyone can because I am my own worst enemy most of the time so if I can learn, then others can too. And it is learning. It's learning about how to live with yourself and how to live with your past. Coming to terms with the things you can't change, and having the courage to change the ones you can. I do tend to live in the present now instead of the past. I didn't always. I'm not trying to tell anyone how to live. I don't think I'm explaining it very well. I have lived most of my life with zero self confidence, so when I do accomplish something, I'm so amazed that I was able to do it that I think, well then, everyone must be able to if this screw up can, because I'm the last one that would have ever been able to do whatever it was.

    And its probably easy now for me to give people advice, but I also have that problem of, ok, this is how I did, so this is how YOU should do it. The controlling mechanism I have also.

    Anyway, I hope you all find the place where you are happy and can live with the past. And I think everyone does come to that in their own way and in their own time. I just had to learn how to believe in me. I think that's the hugest lesson I learned and I couldn't learn it while my folks were alive because I never felt THEY believed in me. Like I said, I have no doubt they loved me, but they didn't really believe in me, so I didn't either. And my husband says that watching me accomplish something he can see me actully starting to believe that I can do anything. I don't know. I'm not as good as explaining this as I want to be.

    Maybe this isn't a good thread for me because I want to fix it for you all and I know I can't. I want to always try to fix everything for everyone because I don't want to see people suffer or be unhappy. And my therapist is always telling me, I cannot fix everyone's problems, so I guess I'm still dealing with issues and still have a lot to learn. But I do know I have come a long way already.

    I guess besides wanting to fix everyone, I want to give everyone hope. I used to see things as utterly hopeless and now I don't. So believe me when I say, there is hope. I know because I found it, but I had to really search for it.
    There's always hope even when things are the darkest. It hides, but you can find it.

    Well this is very sloppy and I hope I made some sense. My heart breaks for all of you. I hate that any of you had to suffer. I've heard people say that what doesn't kill you makes you stonger. I guess its true. As fire strenghtens steel, our trials by fire can strenghten and toughen us too.

    Anyway, I hope I don't come off as sounding condensending because I think I'm all in the happy place now and overcome all my problems. I know I still have a lot to work on. And I don't want to belittle your problems either and I guess I did with my previous post. I know its hard not to dwell on the past and someone saying: live in the present isn't so easy to do in practice without a lot of work. So I'm sorry if I gave the impression I was flippant.

    yeah, I'm still screwed up, can see now the areas I need to go back and work on.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  10. #20
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Re: Why I Need Therapy

    It's definitely better to dwell on hope, the positive, and a brighter future, whatever that may hold.

    And I think it's extremely healthy and beneficial to be able to laugh and use humor, if only to deflect the biting words or actions of others. I often think that those of us who have been challenged in life, and have managed to get through it, and realize we still may be a little off, have a better appreciation and love for life than those who may appear to be sailing through it at breakneck speeds.
    ----------
    A little bit of wisdom....

    Milk every moment for all the pleasure you can get from it. When you say, "It is my dominant intent to look for things that feel good today. No matter where I'm going, no matter what I'm doing, no matter who I'm doing it with, it is my dominant intent to look for what I'm wanting to see, to look for things that feel good," and the more you develop the habit of that kind of vibration -- the more the Universe understands that that's who you are! And so, the more you have access only to those kinds of things! --- Abraham
    Last edited by misskitty; 12-02-2007 at 02:48 AM.
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

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