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Thread: My Morning with the Telemarketer

  1. #1
    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    My Morning with the Telemarketer

    So, I’m cleaning my house this morning. I actually started last night, but now I’m into the nitty gritty part. The moving the furniture to vacuum, shaking out of the toaster, toothbrushing around the faucet handles type cleaning.
    I don’t get into this mood often. When I do, I had better clean, as by this time things usually have needed it badly for quite some time.
    The phone rings.
    I had called my mom earlier, so I fully expect to hear her voice when I answer.
    What I get instead is one of the worst butcherings of my name I have ever heard.
    Now, I admit, I have a unique name, first and last, but please some people have no business being telemarketers at all.
    If my name had been Patricia she would have pronounced it Pet-rye-see-ya. If my last name had been Jones she would have said Joo-nees. Loser.
    So she starts talking about the great rate of 1.9% interest I can receive if I transfer some credit card balances.
    I cut her off: “I hate to cut you off…” (I don’t)”… but I’m really not interested.”
    Her response “Pet-rye-see-ya” (if that was my name) “May I ask what your interest rates are now”
    Me: “No”

    Her: “Uh…well…hmmmm…”

    Me: “Thanks for the call”

    Her: very quickly “Are your rates higher than 1.9%”

    Well, at this point. usually I would hang up. Today I’m feeling stupid.

    I say: “Yes, in fact I have 37 credit cards. They all are between 18.9 and 22.9%” Now, I don’t even know if cards can legally be 22.9%, but what the heck, I’m wagering she doesn’t either.

    Her: “Well imagine what you could save if you transferred one or two of them to a 1.9%”

    Me, sounding very worried and concerned: “But you don’t understand. The economy is not is great shape. If I take you up on this offer then how on earth would the credit card companies make money? How would they pay your wages? You would no longer be able to call people while they are cleaning, cooking, eating, having sex, to try to save them money. If everyone took advantage of this offer you WOULD LOSE YOUR JOB. Could you even imagine how I would feel knowing that? The economy is in MY hands!!!”

    She stutters and sputters. “The credit card companies have plenty of money”

    Me, SHOCKED: “Plenty?”

    Her: “Yes”

    Me: “I had no idea…. Plenty…. Would you say more than enough?”

    Her: “Yes”

    Me: “OK, then I’ll take a transfer of 0% for all my cards with no minimums due at specific times.”

    Her: “We can’t do that”

    Me: “Then quit bugging me”

    Her: Click.

    Ahh, it was fun
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  2. #2
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    cali!

    You're my hero.

    "I'll take a transfer of 0% for all my cards with no minimums." classic.

  3. #3
    get it off! StevieM's Avatar
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    @ Cali........
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    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    If only it had worked

    I don't have 37 cards, but I swear when the bills start coming in it feels like it.
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

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    Glad 4 Vlad! :) Tigrazhia's Avatar
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    That's awesome Cali, too funny. I hate those telemarketers.

    There's a website where a guy posts recordings of himself doing pranks with the telemarketers. He has a whole bunch, and they're hilarious.

    Here's the website:

    http://www.emailajoke.com/Calls2/
    "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."

  6. #6
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    does anyone know the website with the funny airport announcements? That's hilarious too. He made up names that, when read over the loudspeakers at the aiport, made up naughty sentences. Too funny.

  7. #7
    COMBAT MISSIONS junkie! BravoFan's Avatar
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    OMG, that is the funniest thing I've ever heard Cali!

    Speaking of annoying calls....I have a new pet peeve.

    Telemarketing that doesn't require a person calling you -- IE: a damn machine calls you! GRRR! If they are going to bother me, they damn well better have someone else on the other line that I can hang up on!
    "They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04)
    Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02)
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  8. #8
    Fade to black
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    I love the 2 second pauses... I don't even bother waiting, I just hang up.
    I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star in somebody else's eyes... but why... why... why can't it be me?

  9. #9
    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    I can't just hang up

    I was a telemarketer for 4 hours once.
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  10. #10
    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    oh, and the machine calls PISS ME OFF!!!! Those I can hang up on
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

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