Etiquette Questions

[veejer]

I am busily addressing announcements for my daughter's high school graduation. For those friends and family that are fairly close by we are including an invitation to an open house. My daughter made the invitation on PrintShop and we had it photocopied. Each invitation is a half sheet, 8.5" x 5.5".

When we ordered our announcements in the fall, we counted up who we needed to include and ordered more than we thought we needed, but now we are coming up real close to not having enough.

Most of my husband's cousins kids are still at home like ours, so are included in their parents' announcement/invitation, but he has three cousins whose eight kids between them are lots older than ours, mostly married with families of their own.

We are not sending announcements to these eight, I guess they'd be my daughter's second cousins, but don't want them to feel left out of the open house if they'd like to come. Maybe, just maybe, one out of the eight would come. Would it be too tacky to hand write the following on their parents' invitation?

Please extend this invitation to your children and their families.

[Veruka]

Am I interpreting right that it's the announcements that you don't have enough of, not the invitations to the open house? If that is the case (you have enough of the open house invitations) I would say send just the open house invitation to the cousins, without the graduation announcement.

[just1paul]

I was starting to type an answer and realized I was typing what Veruka had posted (well not word for word, but the same thought), but would like to add that if they have not been to any of YOUR family functions, get togethers etc., in the past year or so, they wouldn't be expecting any invitations to anything.

[MRD]

I now have a question about etiquette and high school graduations.

We have been homeschooling our daughter and we just had an evaluation which went VERY well. She is almost a year ahead of where she should be. (Dare I say how proud I am? She's really worked hard at this) As of right now, she is on track to graduate early, possibly as soon as December.

Since all of our family and friends live out of state, do I still send a graduation announcement? I mean, its going to come at a non-traditional time of the year for HS graduations and since we homeschool, there won't be any ceremony or anything so there are no school announcements that we could buy. Do I buy regular announcements? Print them myself? Do a photo card type of announcement? Acknowledge the graduation in any way?

We have good friends and family whose children will be graduating next spring from HS. In fact, we have 6 graduation gifts to buy as these are all either family or GOOD friends. The reason I mention this is that 5 of them have already had a child graduate in the last few years and we got announcements from them and sent gifts. I don't want people thinking we are fishing for gifts, but I do want to let people know that she has accomplished something, especially as she has accomplished way beyond what she needed too and as a result will be graduating early and going on to college early and I'm proud of her for that and want to let people know. Is that being too conceited? (maybe conceited isn't the right word. I'm just proud of my child and her accomplishments and want to let others know about it, but not sure if that would be considered bragging and fishing for gifts)

I do want to send notices to people that she's graduated, but not sure exactly what to do. Do we mention the homeschooling? Do we send out announcements or not? Help, this is not a situation I've encountered before.

Also, our church puts in pictures of HS graduates every May in the monthly newsletter and gives a short bio and what their future plans are. Do I notify the church that she is graduating in Dec?

[MissThing]

mrd, since your daughter will graduate on the holiday schedule, if you normally send out a family newsletter at that time of year, I'd just include a special mention item. Or, you could consider sending any normal seasonal greeting cards with a note about her accomplishments. Announcements seem a bit out of the ordinary, given the circumstances of her being homeschooled, and finishing early.

On the other hand, there must be internet groups of homeschooling parents, they might have some 'normal' practice or advice for you to follow.

As for notifying your church, I'd do that in a heartbeat, and not think twice about it. If there's a Thanksgiving edition, you could ask to have it included there.

[livin4reality]

Here in our college town, they have a ceremony in December as well as May. There are a lot of kids who finish early and they are treated just the same as the May graduates.

Personally I don't think annoucements are out of line at all.

[Lois Lane]

I don't think there's anything wrong with sending out announcements, mrd. I don't think your friends and family will think you're begging for gifts either. The ones who are close to you will probably want to send your daughter a little something anyhow, or at least a congratulatory card, and now they'll know the appropriate time. I think the announcement should be short and sweet and I don't think you need to come up with a bunch of explanations. Homeschooling is pretty common these days. I would say something like, "Our daughter mrd jr. is graduating from high school a year early this December." That gets across that she has accomplished something formidable. If anyone asks later about what high school or why December, you can tell them.

But yes, definitely celebrate her big day! Do you know where she's going to go to college? Does she have a first pick?

[Delphyne]

I think your daughter has the right to experience everything a kid who isn't homeschooled gets to experience. This includes graduation announcements, gifts, celebrations, the whole deal. It's a great accomplishment. I say go for it!

(I think you have a right to experience all of that as well!)

[MRD]

I think your daughter has the right to experience everything a kid who isn't homeschooled gets to experience. This includes graduation announcements, gifts, celebrations, the whole deal. It's a great accomplishment. I say go for it!

(I think you have a right to experience all of that as well!)

It's funny, but I had a much harder time accepting that there would be no prom, graduation with cap and gown and all the other normal HS stuff. She really doesn't care about all that, but I did, so I had to really get my mind around it, but now that I have, I realize that this is right for her. It wouldn't be my choice, but she's just not into all that extra-curricular HS stuff.

Thanks for all the responses everyone. I do appreciate it. I feel that I'm sailing more and more in uncharted waters these days. I definetly have an unconventional kid. But one I'm very proud of.

Lois, she's going to go to the local community college first. All 3 of us are not quite prepared for her to go off to college just yet-and she's only 16 still. And there are about a dozen colleges and universities within an hours radius of here, so she will have a big choice about where she wants to finish up when that time comes. But we've already talked to the community college and will have no problem getting her in there and its certainly a lot more inexpensive than some of the other schools (Furman being one at $25,000 a YEAR).

This has been some much needed good news this week, let me tell you. She was nervous taking the evaluations, but did very well. Well, did better than very well. (which is why mom wants to brag and yes, I guess I really do want to brag. But then, who doesn't want to brag on their kids? )

[katgib13]

I would send out announcement cards with a small newsletter stating that she is homeschooled and is finishing early. You can put her achievements on that. Maybe include a photo or something and of course, write up the newsletter with your usual comic flair. I think since she missed everything else, as did you, you are both entitled to some kind of announcement. Graduation is a huge deal for every kid and their parents.