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Thread: Etiquette Questions

  1. #781
    FORT Fogey causingchaos's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I think buck and doe are mostly Canadian. I experienced them when I lived there but when I moved back here it was back to the normal numerous bridal showers and bachelor and bachelorette parties. My question with my last debacle to people I knew was when did you become obligated to provide gifts for every single party the bride chooses to have including the wedding? Prior to this one my experience was if you attend the shower then you do a gift (other than buck and doe where it was tickets and money) and then a wedding gift.

    Sometimes I'll get the gist of what the happy couple wants from the registry and deviate from it in the same strand because I know I can get something neato from elsewhere that fits the theme but only if I know the people well. It kind of fried my cookies with a wedding when I looked through the registry only to find expensive gifts and to discover at the shower it was because the brides mom bought all the cheap gifts already and gave them in one fell swoop at the party. I deviated from the list then too because frankly if I can't afford it I'm not going into debt for it for a gift.

    I've seen the purse thing too with the money and thought it was neat. I just have a hard time buying "starting out" appliances for people who have been co-habitating for many years. Seems a little obnoxious to me. I also only buy gifts for the first marriage of a person. The second time comes around I just cut a check because I'm not going buy the same stuff for the same person every time they turn over a marriage. Honestly, I weigh out how successful I think a marriage is going to be as well before either buying a gift or cutting a check. Sometimes you can just see the train wreck about to happen and don't want to invest too much into it. I know that's tacky and totally opposed to etiquette.

    I don't know. I just find some of this wedding stuff to be getting a little out of control at times.

  2. #782
    PWS
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Rattus View Post
    Every time I read/hear conversations about weddings I am thankful anew that I went the no gift, bring your own bottle route for both my weddings. Also spent $31 combined for both wedding dresses . I have to say that I got a lot of thanks for my choices, and pretty much everyone who attended the first festivity said it was the best wedding they had ever attended.
    And one reason for that might have been that everyone got drink as much of what they wanted as they could!

  3. #783
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions


    Love it! My husband and I (second marriage ten years and two thousand miles later for him; first and only marriage for me) paid for the wedding and reception by ourselves. We would have paid for the rehearsal dinner, but his parents were old and southern, so they insisted on paying for the rehearsal dinner (at a restaurant I hated -- but, hey, that was their deal, and since I'm one to choose my battles, that one was minor. OK.).

    We registered at a couple of stores for gifts, not because we wanted to, but because our friends/family kept bugging us about it. So we included the whole gamut of price ranges -- from the ten bucks to the ridiculous.

    Our most precious gifts were the ones from friends we gingerly approached for services (and those who offered them outright) for the wedding itself -- music, flowers, cake, hair/makeup, photography, video, setup/cleanup, etc. -- and said: Please, this is your gift to us; don't go buying us anything!

    Weddings have become such a stupid big business, and not much about contemporary marriage -- supposedly based on love rather than on the joining of properties or kingdoms -- itself. We wanted to celebrate our friendship-turned-love with those closest to us, and then go on a honeymoon (to nearby Santa Barbara) we could afford.

    Friends of ours who had fancy-ass weddings teased us about our "cheap" wedding -- but the last laugh came when I was working for a credit reporting agency, and saw those same "friends" listed under the bankruptcy filings. Apparently, their wedding, some ten years later, STILL wasn't paid for.
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  4. #784
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    My daughter picked out dresses from Hollister and Abercrombie and Fitch. Her only attendant paid $40.00 for her dress and she said she has worn it several times since the wedding. The Flower girl dress was A&F and was $20.
    We tried to keep everyones cost down.

    I collect Revere bowls, I would have been in hog heaven instead of the 15, yes 15 forming ware baking and casserole dishes.

    On the money thing: if you give money, then, in my opinion, it's up to the couple to spend it how they please. If they pay bills with it or use it for their honeymoon, it is now theirs to spend.
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  5. #785
    FORT Fogey causingchaos's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog View Post
    My daughter picked out dresses from Hollister and Abercrombie and Fitch. Her only attendant paid $40.00 for her dress and she said she has worn it several times since the wedding. The Flower girl dress was A&F and was $20.
    We tried to keep everyones cost down.

    I collect Revere bowls, I would have been in hog heaven instead of the 15, yes 15 forming ware baking and casserole dishes.

    On the money thing: if you give money, then, in my opinion, it's up to the couple to spend it how they please. If they pay bills with it or use it for their honeymoon, it is now theirs to spend.
    I know there was some huge to do with the dresses for the bridesmaids in the one I was in because we are all different sizes. We had short and tiny. Tall and tiny. Tall with big chests. Me with a giant chest and a big ol butt the shorter rounder girl. The minute she said you can diet your way into a dress for the wedding there was a minor revolt. For me it wasn't that important to be int he wedding. And it actually saved us money on dresses as the trendy place didn't have plus size dresses.

    ETA the one time I was in the drivers seat for this kind of event. It was impromptu, everyone came as they were. We ate at Taco Bell (family pack). If I do it again I plan on something similar.

  6. #786
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog View Post
    My daughter picked out dresses from Hollister and Abercrombie and Fitch. Her only attendant paid $40.00 for her dress and she said she has worn it several times since the wedding. The Flower girl dress was A&F and was $20.
    We tried to keep everyones cost down.

    I collect Revere bowls, I would have been in hog heaven instead of the 15, yes 15 forming ware baking and casserole dishes.

    On the money thing: if you give money, then, in my opinion, it's up to the couple to spend it how they please. If they pay bills with it or use it for their honeymoon, it is now theirs to spend.
    And those pictures from Lucy and Jakes wedding are beautiful!
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    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  7. #787
    FORT Fogey veejer's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    The weddings that I've been to recently have trended towards the bridesmaids' dresses being from the same material, but different styles. That works better for the different shaped girls.
    "Fish are friends, not food, but everything else is fair game." ~ Pating, Survivor Cagayan Pool

  8. #788
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    veejer, I agree w/you! My niece's wedding had different styles for the different shaped gals. The funniest for me was the most buxom gal had the tiniest dress-I kept waiting for it to fall down! She did keep yanking it up the entire night.

  9. #789
    Reformed Perfectionist G.G.'s Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I don't mind registries because I'm a horrible gift picker-outter. Me, I like china and crystal and I do use what I have so I was thrilled to receive those things at my wedding. Other people don't care for that type of thing, I know. I did register at a department store and at Target, but a lot of people still gave cash.

    I just abhor invitations that contain a list of where people are registered or solicit a cash gift. If I know you well enough to be invited to your wedding, I should feel comfortable asking a common friend or perhaps a relative what type of gift you would prefer or if you are registered.

    The last time I received an invitation with such a list (they registered at BB&B, Macy's, TIFFANY, and a travel agent, among other places), I got a little snarky. Granted, it was an ex-boyfriend who was getting married and his bride-to-be (the much-younger girl he dumped me for) couldn't stand me. They lived several states away from me so I can only assume they were trolling for gifts. So...I went to the BB&B website and purchased something from their registry and had it sent to them: a chrome toilet brush set. The card said, "Thinking of you!"

    I did not receive a thank you note. : )

  10. #790
    addicted MamaC's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    LOL G.G. that is great!

    Well, an update on my daughter's situation. I haven't heard yet from the groom's parents, but my daughter told me that the mom and her partner are chipping in 3000 and so is the groom's father. That will really help out a lot. That will cover the photographer and DJ!

    We are not doing a real rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding since all of the out-of-town guests would be my family. Instead, we have a block of rooms set aside at two hotels right next to each other and will have a pizza party in one of them for whoever is around. Sweet and simple.

    Since my daughter does not drink, she really doesn't want to have a big deal made out of a bachelorette party. My 20-year-old daughter will be maid of honor and cannot go out drinking. My daughter's BFF is expecting and due THREE weeks before the wedding. She is still listed as the matron of honor, but I really think she is going to bow out. Either way, she cannot drink either. So what we are going to do instead is have a spa day.....massages, mani's and pedi's. I think that will be a lot of fun.

    Still haven't heard anything about a shower. The kids stopped up here earlier for Easter dinner with us and then were going over to one of his aunt's for meal #2.

    The list of invitees is now over 300 and we have to tweak it a bit. Even with the people that we know will not come, we are hovering around 200 who could show and the hubs would like to see that number decrease a bit.

    Regardless, we are looking forward to having a really great party...a fun time for everyone, especially the kids.

    Now I just have to lose some weight and find a somewhat flattering dress to wear! UGH!

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