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Thread: Etiquette Questions

  1. #521
    MRD
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I like Lois response too.

    My daughter was born with a port wine birthmark on her forehead and we heard all kinds of questions which I always felt were rude as I would NEVER ask a stranger why their child had that mark on her head. One woman even asked if we had burned her with a cigerette!!!

    I finally started telling people "Oh, that's where the angels kissed her when they sent her to us". It shut people up and my daughter who was beginning to understand people and the world around it loved it and for years would tell people it was her "angel kiss" and never felt self conscious about it. In fact, I heard from a couple of her friends mom's that they wished they had been kissed by the angels too.

    I think it's all in the way you present the answer. And Lois' answer is a good one.

    As for the "normal" questions, I know I'd have to say "what in the @#$#@ makes you think he ISN'T normal???"
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Lois Lane;3025123;
    I don't think that everyone who asks a rude question has that intention when they ask. Some certainly do, but others are just curious and ask without thinking about how it may come across. That said, I know it can be annoying to be asked questions over and over again. I think I would just say something like, "I think my nephew is extraordinary and can't imagine how he could possibly be any more perfect." That gets across the point that he is not your son, so therefore you wouldn't be privy to any issues about knowing about his arm prior to birth. It also lets them know that you don't view your nephew as having a disability or a handicap. And most importantly, if he hears this conversation, he will hear you being very pleasant about something that may have caused him some grief in the past.

    AND, if the people asking aren't trying to be rude and were just curious, it leaves the opportunity for them to politely mention that they, too, have a child/relative who might be missing part of their arm etc.

    You sound like a great aunt and he sounds like a great kid! Good luck!
    He is a great kid. He is amazing on the football field and kicks butt at soccer too. He has never let anything hold him back. Back before him and my son could even crawl they would play tug-a-war with a toy phone and I don't remember him ever losing.

    It's funny that you referred to him as my nephew because he does call my Aunt Rhon.

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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by ncognitohere;3025316;

    It's funny that you referred to him as my nephew because he does call my Aunt Rhon.
    I'm glad to know mine is not the only family that does that! It makes no sense to me to call my second cousin a cousin. When I say "my cousin" the image in people's minds is someone around my age -- not older than my mom! So I just call my second cousin my aunt. The only problem is that if she's ever referenced as my mom's cousin, then people get confused. But cousin is just too broad of a term!

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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by canuckinchile;3025188;
    People can be idiots. I have 2 daughters and a son. My second daughter was 5 when my son was born and I can't count the number of times people said IN FRONT OF HER, "Oh, you finally got a boy." The response I came up with that shut them up and made her feel good was, "I wouldn't trade my girls for a million boys." I like Lois's response because it will make the boy feel good about himself, and he is the important one, not the insensitive knucklehead.
    I have 2 boys and I get asked all the time if I am ever going to "get my girl". Uhh...I had my tubes tied only hours after the baby was born, so probably not. I never wanted a girl (sooner or later they come home pregnant) besides I have 9 nieces and I coach a cheerleading squad. I get my fill of girl fun (and crazy drama) from them. I'm always amazed at why someone would be interested in my reproductive plans.

  5. #525
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Veruka;3025344;
    I'm glad to know mine is not the only family that does that! It makes no sense to me to call my second cousin a cousin. When I say "my cousin" the image in people's minds is someone around my age -- not older than my mom! So I just call my second cousin my aunt. The only problem is that if she's ever referenced as my mom's cousin, then people get confused. But cousin is just too broad of a term!
    We just go with cousin around here. If I really wanted to get technical about it, I would say that the person that is old enough to be m y aunt is my 1st cousin once removed, but we just say cousin and it seems to work. Everyone in the South is related anyway, so no one thinks twice about cousins and ages here.
    However, when I was a small child, I called my parents close friends Aunt and Uncle. We didn't go in for the "Miss so and so" and personally I still don't care for it. So I have a few "aunts" and "uncles" that I'm not even related too.
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Veruka;3025344;
    I'm glad to know mine is not the only family that does that! It makes no sense to me to call my second cousin a cousin. When I say "my cousin" the image in people's minds is someone around my age -- not older than my mom! So I just call my second cousin my aunt. The only problem is that if she's ever referenced as my mom's cousin, then people get confused. But cousin is just too broad of a term!
    My whole family does it. I even have my aunts programmed into my cell as Aunt Linda, Aunt Ann, etc.

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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;3025356;
    We just go with cousin around here. If I really wanted to get technical about it, I would say that the person that is old enough to be m y aunt is my 1st cousin once removed, but we just say cousin and it seems to work. Everyone in the South is related anyway, so no one thinks twice about cousins and ages here.
    However, when I was a small child, I called my parents close friends Aunt and Uncle. We didn't go in for the "Miss so and so" and personally I still don't care for it. So I have a few "aunts" and "uncles" that I'm not even related too.
    Within my family, where we all know who belongs to who, we all call each other cousin. In fact, my dad and second cousin's husband took to calling everyone cousin several years ago ... "Cousin Bill", "Cousin Sue" etc. If they have to make nametags for anyone, they include the cousin on them too. At one family party when everyone was doing that, one of my cousin's son who was about 8 came over to her at one point and said "Mom, if eveyone here is a cousin, who is the aunt and uncle?"

  8. #528
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Veruka;3025366;
    Within my family, where we all know who belongs to who, we all call each other cousin. In fact, my dad and second cousin's husband took to calling everyone cousin several years ago ... "Cousin Bill", "Cousin Sue" etc. If they have to make nametags for anyone, they include the cousin on them too. At one family party when everyone was doing that, one of my cousin's son who was about 8 came over to her at one point and said "Mom, if eveyone here is a cousin, who is the aunt and uncle?"
    At our family reunions, we solve that problem by putting the parents names in small print at the bottom of the person's nametag.

    I just remembered that Ann Landers used to say that a perfectly acceptible response to a really intrusive question like the one about why the boy is not "normal", etc.
    is: "Why on EARTH, would you want to know THAT?"

    I have used it, it does take the person aback and they usually stammer an apology and get the heck away. And can be said in such a way that isn't rude, but implies that they are, without really coming out and you being rude.
    Most people will realize they overstepped a boundary and may think twice about saying something.

    My problem would be with people saying it in the child's hearing like missing part of an arm, also makes him deaf for some reason.

    Actually, if I were the boy, I'd probably have some fun with it. We had a friend that lost a leg to cancer and he would tell people that an alligator ate it or a shark and come up with the most wild off the wall story and you could see the people leaning forward going "really?" until he got it so ridiculous they finally realized he was pulling their leg. If you ask a question like that, you deserve to get your leg pulled or pointed out you're rude. Sorry, but I'm like that.
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  9. #529
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    About the boy who has an incomplete arm. here is the comback: There's something NOT normal about him, what is it - Tell me???
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  10. #530
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    My response would be along the lines of "His arm used to be normal, but he wore it down smacking dumbasses up-side their heads."
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
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