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Thread: Etiquette Questions

  1. #491
    Thinking femme fatale's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by queenb;2998495;
    I agree that too many weddings, birthdays, and graduations have become excuses to shamelessly troll for lots and lots of gifts, and not just token gifts either.
    It reminds of that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie's shoes gets stolen. She had to take them off, becuase there were children in the family and they didn't want the dirt inside. When she tried to get the parents to pay, they thought that $400 for shoes was a lot (well...). Carrie had paid for bachelorette party gifts, wedding gifts, baby shower gifts etc. but never gotten anything in return because she was single.

    In the end she announced her marriage to herself and registered for shoes, just so that her shoes would get replaced. She did have a point, though.

  2. #492
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    One of the best graduation gifts I ever received and I did it for others later and they also loved it was:

    A laundry basket with laundry detergent and a roll of quarters for the laundrymat, toilet paper, paper towels, kleenex and other stuff like that and some different kinds of candy. Going away to college, you need these things but hate to spend money on them. Depending on whether they lived in the dorm, did I put in the toilet paper or paper towels, but if they were going to live off campus, I added that.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
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  3. #493
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I've given a roll of stamps, envelopes and stationary as graduation gifts so they can write "real" letters home to their parents. They were probably used to write home and ask for money,

  4. #494
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    When I graduated in 1980 (nods to MRD) I exchanged small token gifts with my BFF's. And got some cash from parents, grandparents and a couple of auntys.

    As far as putting "no gifts"/donations to: on a wedding invite is tacky. (sorry to say) As is putting regristry info in the invite too.
    I very much believe in rescuing animals, not buying them.

    Candice Bergen, on finding her dog, Lois, a terrier/basset hound mix

  5. #495
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    When I graduated from HS and college, I received cards with money, an AM-FM clock radio (wow!) and I think that was basically it....all from my parents and grandparents. We did not have a blow out party for all the relatives, since they all lived far away. It just was not practical to invite people to come hundreds of miles for any of our graduations. We, too, were never invited to any of their kids' graduations either.

    Jump forward to this generation of graduates, I know that we have given gift cards to Target or Walmart, so the grad can pick up whatever they didn't cart off to college. ($25 for friend, $50 for niece or nephew) One girl in my neighborhood had already coordinated with her dorm roommate-to-be what kind of bedspreads and sheets they were going to have in the dormroom () so she asked for those kind of accessories to coordinate with the dormroom "theme".

    My daughter is going to a "sweet 16" blowout party Saturday night. A semi-formal one held at a nearby country club. I do not even know this girl, but she is in some of my daughter's classes. When I asked my daughter who else would be going (kids who I do know) she said that this girl invited 380 of her nearest and dearest!

    I thought my daughter could give her an Itunes gift card but, surprisingly, she does not have an iPod. So I think we will just trek to the mall tomorrow and pick up a gift card to some store in the mall.

    P.s. Maybe i should ask my daughter if this girl is "registered" anywhere! Um, maybe not!

  6. #496
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I have 2 different etiquette questions I hope you guys can help me out with.

    My hubby's cousin (who we don't see very often. maybe once a year) is having a graduation party in a few weeks. What would be the proper amount for us to give him as a gift? Keep in mind that we are a little strapped for money as my wonderful dog chewed a hole in my sofa cushion, I have 2 other graduation parties that month and a wedding.

    Also, we are going to a wedding for someone my hubby works with. At one time, we used to hang out with this guy, but lost touch with him because other friends continually told me that he hated me. So, I figured why hang out with a guy who is hating me. Well, hubby would run into this guy (he stopped working with him for a few years) during his route and they would talk. Then one day, I ran into him and decided to question his dislike of me. Well, he never said anything (I should have known b/c this ex friend's wife was not liked by him), so we have recently started hanging out with him. What would be a reasonable amount to give him?
    I can only please one person a day, today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either

  7. #497
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    For the graduation gift, I'd say $20 - $25.

    For the wedding gift -- it is exactly for situations like that I almost always give gifts instead of money. That way, for someone I have to give something to but don't want to, I can buy cheap with the appearnace of it being worth more. For example, I gave a co-worker once who was going way too extravagant on her wedding, and invited way too many people (the entire office) a set of crystal candlesticks that i got off the sale table at Stein Mart for about $10. She thought it was a very nice, generous gift, and I didn't feel jipped in the slightest two months later when she and her husband split.

  8. #498
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Hi CC,

    You can give as much or as little as you'd like to. Whatever is comfortable for you. If you are going to the graduation party, I think $25 is a fine gift. If you're not going, a card is just fine, too.

    As for the wedding, I think if two people are going, $100 is a decent amount. Some people love getting cash gifts (I know I did!), others don't. If $100 is too much for your budget right now, $50 is fine, too. At my wedding, there was one guest who came alone and gave us $150...there were families of 5 who came and gave us $100. Honestly, I didn't sit there and think, "Well, so and so was cheap." The economy's rough for everyone right now and some people have more disposable income to spare than others.

    It's the bride and groom (and their families) who are responsible for throwing the wedding/reception and it's not the guest's job to pay for the wedding. FYI, I found that the richest people that I worked with (the big boss etc.) were the stingiest gift givers. I don't mind making fun of them, because they are the first to take advantage of others.

    There were a few people at our wedding who I knew were going through rough times--lost their jobs, bad divorces etc. When they asked us what we'd like, I asked them for things they could make, like a batch of their cookies when we returned from their honeymoon or to help us with a day of remodeling. It was fun!

  9. #499
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I think $20-$25 is an appropriate graduation gift.

    As for the wedding, I like Veruka's idea. I have done the same in the past. Find something nice, but not expensive. Why I LOVE sales.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  10. #500
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Here's one more thought on the etiquette questions of how much to spend ... I don't think that good etiquette really has spending mininums. Gifts of any sort do not come with an expected price tag attached. I consider it to be very BAD etiquette to snub a gift of be offended by it because the giver did not give enough. Inviting people to a wedding, graduation, or any other event with the expectation of a gift rather than simply the desire to celebrate a momentous occasion with the person is bad etiquette.

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