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Thread: Etiquette Questions

  1. #41
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    No matter what the occasin or function, I never go empty handed, whether a small informal pary or a catered function. A box ofchocolates, bottle of wine, cake etc... is always a nice gesture.

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    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I'm the same way. I always ask the hostess/host what I can bring. Some will say I can bring a dessert or a bottle of wine...others will say there's no need to bring anything. I never show up empty handed...if they really don't want me to bring food, I'll bring flowers. And I always send a thank you note for having me/us over.

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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Lois Lane;2814971;
    Continuing with a thread in the Klatch...how do you graciously tell people that they can't bring anyone else to something you've invited just them to? I'm not talking about a holiday party or anything where you're already expecting a large gathering, but rather a small dinner party or an outing where you're inviting them, but then they ask if they can invite a friend/parent/sibling/etc.? I'm not talking about someone who is asking if their husband can come--I always invite couples together. This happens to me more often than not. Sometimes I don't mind the extra people--other times it's just a pain.

    Wow, I just wanted to say that I feel your pain. I can't stand when you invite someone and their first knee-jerk reaction is to say, "Oh, mind if I ask Sally if she wants to go?"

    When people bring uninvited guests it's also annoying but for some reason what you described just really gets under my skin. It's like they're saying yes but only if someone else goes because I don't know if I want to spend my time at your house so I had better bring along a plan B. Or something.
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  4. #44
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I would never show up at anyone's house empty-handed either. I also always write a short note to thank the host/hostess when I/we have visited someone's home.

    We got married two months ago in a very small ceremony We later sent out announcements to family, our friends and a few of our parents' friends. I was VERY prompt about writing thank-you notes for every gift. I just think that is the right thing to do if someone takes the time to find a gift for you.

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  5. #45
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Nilesgirl,
    I like your rules, but its a shame we have to have them as no one has any sense of manners or common sense anymore.

    I always take a hostess gift and write a thank you afterwards. Do you know that I've actually been teased about my thank you note writing?
    To my face at a party in front of the hostess. I wanted so badly to say: well I was "raised right and you obviously weren't". But I didn't. I still sent a thank you note. The hostess wasn't teasing me but another guest was "warning" her I would send a thank you note. How rude is that?
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  6. #46
    Wait, what? ArchieComic Fan's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    My BIL got married in December. As far as I know they haven't sent out any thank-you notes. She isn't working right now so it's not like she doesn't have the time. They are young but in this day and age they must know about writing thank-you notes. Heck we haven't even gotten an email or a verbal thank-you! We've seen them since the wedding even. And since we didn't stay while they opened the gifts, I even asked the wife if they got our gift. She said yes, and had the opportunity right then to say "thank-you" but she didn't. I even got them something that was on their list so it's not like I got them a gift they didn't want.

    I know there is some rule about how long the couple has to send thank-you notes out, but come on. Do people have to take that to heart? It wasn't a big wedding, there weren't a lot of guests. I just don't get it. I want my thank-you note darn it!

    ETA: Lois, regarding your dinner party. I'd politely tell everyone what you plan to serve and if anyone starts imposing requests on you, say "perhaps you should eat something before you come" (ha ha), or even better - "Since you have family/friends in town, let's just do it at your place this time to make it easier on you. Next time when it can just be you and so and so, we'll have it my place." I know, easier said then done right? But it's fun coming up with snappy things that we'd love to say but are too nice to actually do.
    Last edited by ArchieComic Fan; 02-28-2008 at 09:34 AM. Reason: added something

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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    As long as I live, I'll never understand why the courtesy of writing thank you notes is falling by the wayside. And it's not just because I'm a southerner who grew up expecting to give and receive those courtesies, I think it should be expected in all countries and in all generations. And it doesn't even matter if the host/hostess you're sending the Thank You to 'gets it' or laughs at you, it's a question of fulfilling your own obligations to courtesy and proper manners.

    It's just unthinkable to not send a 'Thank You' within a day or two after being a guest at someone's home! I have several sets of small cards with my name engraved on them in various designs and colors, just waiting for me to add a personal thank you note inside them and pop them in their matching envelope to be sent off to the host/hostess. I consider it one of the finest old genteel traditions still around, and feel it and other forms of proper manners should still be taught in school.
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  8. #48
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Well, I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who considers writing Thank You notes to be an obligation instead of an option. I've also tried with limited success to instill this in my children. When they were younger, I helped them to write thank you's for every birthday and Christmas gift. As they got older, they started noticing that their friends weren't doing the same thing as they would bring a gift to a party and not receive a thank you. I still made them write theirs out each time. As they are now 18 and 15, they are responsible for this on their own. I remind them once and tell them that if they choose not to acknowledge a gift that they shouldn't be surprised if next year maybe they don't receive one.
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  9. #49
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Nemeses;2816268;
    As long as I live, I'll never understand why the courtesy of writing thank you notes is falling by the wayside. And it's not just because I'm a southerner who grew up expecting to give and receive those courtesies, I think it should be expected in all countries and in all generations. And it doesn't even matter if the host/hostess you're sending the Thank You to 'gets it' or laughs at you, it's a question of fulfilling your own obligations to courtesy and proper manners.

    It's just unthinkable to not send a 'Thank You' within a day or two after being a guest at someone's home! I have several sets of small cards with my name engraved on them in various designs and colors, just waiting for me to add a personal thank you note inside them and pop them in their matching envelope to be sent off to the host/hostess. I consider it one of the finest old genteel traditions still around, and feel it and other forms of proper manners should still be taught in school.
    Here! Here!

    There is a young girl at the musuem that is job hunting and I asked her the other day how it went. She applied and interviewed for a job she REALLY wants and hadn't heard anything back. I suggested she send a thank you note to the person that interviewed her and she looked at me like I had two heads. I said: "it shows you are interested and it gets your name back in front of the person hiring and it shows some commitment to doing a job well". After that she was hustling home to write the thank you.

    We did not have manners taught in school. But we did have mean old nuns.

    My parents actually sent me to "charm school". Oh I know that n ow most of you are , but I did learn quite a bit and my parents took me a lot of places and I could behave well and eat correctly without embarrassing them.
    We were also taught about writing thank you's. But that one was unnessecary as my mom used to punish me if I did not write thank you notes.

    As with Nemeses, I have some cards that I got with my name on them on special at Shutterfly. They have a nice photo that I took on them and I use those quite a bit. It only takes a min. to write a nice thank you and slip it in the mail.

    But I have 15 neices and nephews (that includes great-neices and nephews as well) and I have YET to receive a thank you note from any of them for any gifts including wedding and baby gifts and this goes back 25 years or so for some of them. I now only send cards, no gifts. It's not that I expect it. Well, I do, I do expect it. It's just common courtesy, especially if you've mailed it and you want to know if it even arrived. And the time it took me to go find the gift, especially if it was something they registered for at a store I don't normally shop in (Walmart needs a gift registry. )

    At the most it only costs you the stamp and a couple min. of your time and I see no reason why people just can't do it.

    OK, off my rant.
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  10. #50
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I've sent wedding gifts to people and never knew if it got to them. When I mail it personally, I now send them with delivery confirmation so at least I know when it reached the recipient. But when a store sends it, I'm always worried that it wasn't sent. The only way I know it is if the bride or groom acknowledge it--and let's face it, most are too lazy these days to do so. I had to ask one of my friends if she got my gift 'cause three months had gone by and no thank you card. She said yes, they did and they loved it. At least she was gracious when I asked...but why did I have to ask?

    On another note of rudeness, I had several people tell me that asked me where I was registered. Some had been invited to the wedding and couldn't make it; others weren't invited to the wedding but said they still wanted to get us something small. NONE of those people followed through with their gifts. Which was OK with me, but I was wondering why anyone would ask just to not send it. I think at the time they thought it would be nice to send something, but then they just decided not to. I didn't say anything 'cause I didn't want to be rude...and if they DID send something, I figured they would eventually ask me about it when they realized they never received a thank you note from me.

    Thank you notes are very manageable if you just get them out of the way. I wrote a note as each gift came in (I had a checklist so I could personalize each note to thank the sender for the specific wedding gift they had picked out for us). As for the gifts that people brought to our wedding, I had those thank you notes in the mail within a week after our return from our honeymoon.

    One of my friends wrote all her thank you notes on the plane when they were going on their honeymoon. She had a few hours to kill anyhow. I thought that was a great idea, but we went out of the U.S. for ours and I didn't want to have to find a post office there for that country's stamps.

    myrosiedog, I can't believe your friend makes fun of you for doing something nice. How rude!

    hepcat, that's pretty much how I feel when someone asks, "Can I ask Sally, too?" I would actually like to get the courage to say, "No," and just not explain it, because they're so obviously expecting us to say, "Yes." And you hit the nail on the head. I do feel like they're not willing to spend time with just me without having their buffer or friend there.

    Everyone, I love all your ideas. One of the people who asked to bring someone finally got back to me and said they won't be able to come after all so I'm actually relieved about that. The thing that really annoyed me is they asked to bring someone, I said OK, and then they waited until now to say they're not coming.

    About hostess gifts...one of the people I no longer invite to our home is a woman who used to go on and on about how she would never show up to dinner empty handed. Well, you know where I'm going with this...she showed up empty handed AND asked to take home a lot of the leftovers I had wanted to keep for Mr. Lane and me. On the one hand, I love it when anyone will eat my food and likes it! On the other, I hated her lame excuse, "I would've brought something but I was running around shopping all day." Um, hello? They sell stuff at SHOPS that you can bring to dinners these days!

    Also, she scuffed up all our brand new hardwood floors with her heels and I had a heck of a time getting the marks off the floor. If it had been me, I would've asked the hostess if she had a pair of slippers I could borrow or if she'd be offended if I took my shoes off (I love walking around with no shoes on at my house, but I know some people consider that rude so I would only do that with the hostess's permission at someone else's). Later, she told me that those particular shoes always mark up her floors as well. And then I'm thinking, "SO WHY DO YOU WEAR THEM TO OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES?"

    And let me see...she didn't write a thank you note either.

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