Etiquette Questions

[Nemeses]

My husband and I got married last December. We chose a place and a date that were special to US (date was my great-granparents wedding anniversary). We announced our plans to my parents and two couples who are dear friends of ours. Both of those couples have little girls who wanted to be flower girls, and that was fine with me. They picked their own dresses and they were darling.

I have one brother and we don't have a lot in common. I was planning to invite him, but my father beat me to it and told my brother what time to be there for the ceremony. Brother missed the entire wedding (which was 15 minutes long) because he had the urgent need to get a haircut...... He did show up for the little party that my parents hosted afterwards. I was not even surprised that he was a no-show, but my parents were not happy with him.

We were perfectly happy with our wedding and didn't need all of the bells and whistles. It was exactly what we wanted. We sent out announcements afterwards and got some great gifts, but we didn't feel like we had "solicited" gifts or gotten married just to get gifts.

Hubby's parents and family are all visiting us in May and they'll meet my parents (and brother - unless he needs another haircut) and we're happy with how simple the entire thing was. We'd been thinking of eloping or going to the courthouse, but this worked out much better.

Sounds like a great wedding, doxie, and a belated Congratulations!!

Sounds to me like your wedding worked out great because you put the emphasis on family and celebrating the love between you and your new husband, and let all the other pieces fall into place naturally. And less stress on your wedding day, more time to relax and celebrate the specialness of the day.

Good job, doxie!

[doxie]

Sounds like a great wedding, doxie, and a belated Congratulations!!

Sounds to me like your wedding worked out great because you put the emphasis on family and celebrating the love between you and your new husband, and let all the other pieces fall into place naturally. And less stress on your wedding day, more time to relax and celebrate the specialness of the day.

Good job, doxie!

Thank you.

I didn't want to be the "Bridezilla" - I'd already been a bridesmaid several times and had dealt with that!

[PhoneGrrrl]

Coincidentally, we Roses just got a wedding invitation this week for a couple none of us knows. Seriously. Mr. Rose and I have been searching the far reaches of our cobweb-filled brains and neither of us can figure out who these people are.

This happened to my parents and they finally sorted it out. As it would happen, there's a guy in town who has EXACTLY the same first, middle initial, and last name as my Dad. (Dad's middle name is John; the other guy's middle name is James--pretty common on both accounts.) The other guy is a college professor and the invite came from one of his students. Needless to say, when this happened a second and third time, my parents knew who to send the invitation to.

[MRD]

My niece is planning a wedding that no one can afford. I think eloping would be their best bet, but my sister has always spoiled the girl so now they are fretting over the expenses. So ridiculous, just do what you can afford or go to the courthouse. Personally, I think she's planning her wedding around how many gifts she'll receive. Well, they'll work it out, but probably regret overspending when it's all said and done. I just hope she doesn't send me an invitation with one of those long list of gift registries.

I've known parents that got second mortgages on their house to afford a really GRAND wedding. That is ridiculous. Nice weddings can be had without going to the poor house.

[Lois Lane]

I've known parents that got second mortgages on their house to afford a really GRAND wedding. That is ridiculous. Nice weddings can be had without going to the poor house.

Oh dear lord. Why do people do stuff like that? That's just insane! If you have the money, great. If you don't, just have something small. One of our neighbors got married and had a small ceremony at her church that was for family only, and then they hosted a BBQ in their backyard. It was so much fun and cost-effective for them. I've been to weddings where the meal is served buffet style in a church basement/outside and the food was cooked by the bride's mother (and some good friends!). If you want to have that blowout party, the couple can always host one themselves a few years later -- an anniversary party -- when they've got some money saved up. People are nuts!

doxie, your wedding sounds perfect! And I don't think you were soliciting gifts either. I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is when a couple gets married and sends out an announcement but if it was someone I liked, I'd send a gift and if it was an acquaintenance, I'd send a card congratulating them. But I would've liked to have known they got married so that I had the option of doing either!

A lot of people flew from other states to attend our wedding. Honestly, I thought that was enough of a gift (I can only imagine how much they spent for the flight and hotel!). They gave us gifts on top of that, even though we told them to just consider their attending as their gift.

The people I will make fun of though are the rich work people I had to invite (that I wouldn't if I had to do it again). I had to invite my boss's boss's boss (who basically invited himself anyhow) who easily makes mid-range six figures... He RSVP'd for two...and then showed up himself...and gave us...a $50 gift certificate to Tiffany's... Have any of you tried to buy ANYTHING for $50 at Tiffany's? Honestly, I didn't want to make fun of him because a gift is a gift...but if you're going to give me something valued at $50, make it for Home Depot or Target or somewhere where I can actually buy something with that amount. But Tiffany's?

[just1paul]

I've known parents that got second mortgages on their house to afford a really GRAND wedding. That is ridiculous. Nice weddings can be had without going to the poor house.

A former boss of mine did that for his daughter years ago, and then took out another loan for a down payment on a house that the newlyweds wanted to BUILD!

[Lois Lane]

A former boss of mine did that for his daughter years ago, and then took out another loan for a down payment on a house that the newlyweds wanted to BUILD!

And why aren't the newlyweds the ones taking the loan out for this?

I can see that the parents have good intentions at heart...but sometimes they need to let their kids "suffer" a little for their own good. Sometimes the best lesson about the value of money is allowing kids to EARN and SPEND it themselves... I'm all for helping family out...but not if it could bankrupt you.

[Newfherder]

Black Tuesday (my wedding) was a total of five people--my now-ex, me, two witnesses, and a Judge. I think it was $40 for the Judge, and I bought a new shirt for the occasion (probably about $15.) More expensive was the pre-wedding party that has me to this day. My bride-to-be and I planned to eat lunch at our favorite restaurant that day, take the afternoon off from work, and the wedding was scheduled for 5:00 at the courthouse. Word got out where we were going for lunch, and pretty soon, the whole company invited itself, even calling field crews in. I guess that would have been ok, EXCEPT two things. When we were done eating, one of the partners asked "By the way, what's the occasion?", AND, *I* got stuck with the whole check.

[Marleybone]

I think that particular bit of wisdom comes from Erma Bombeck

Yes, that's it! Erma Bombeck was a very wise lady.

[just1paul]

And why aren't the newlyweds the ones taking the loan out for this?

I can see that the parents have good intentions at heart...but sometimes they need to let their kids "suffer" a little for their own good. Sometimes the best lesson about the value of money is allowing kids to EARN and SPEND it themselves... I'm all for helping family out...but not if it could bankrupt you.

Whoops - I jus read my error. They weren't newlyweds anymore, it was about two years later and the daughter, Son in law and 2 boys were in an apartment. My boss took out the loan for them because they were in hock up to their eyeballs and he & his wife could never say no to their daughter.