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Thread: Etiquette Questions

  1. #181
    MRD
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    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    They are both married and both have children so I don't know what it is. I don't know why I let it bother me so much, but it does. This is the 4th cruise like this they've done. They don't take kids or husbands and its not a "themed" cruise.

    I didn't open the pictures or email her back about them. I really don't care to see them.

    And I've decided that it's ok. I now don't think I'd really want to go either. I'd rather go to California and see Vonna!
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  2. #182
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;2839674;
    And I've decided that it's ok. I now don't think I'd really want to go either. I'd rather go to California and see Vonna!
    Who wouldn't?!

    mrd, here's another thought...Are these women rich by any chance? I'm wondering if they think you can't afford it? Although if that were the case, they still shouldn't be rude and talk about something you're not invited to in front of your.

    OK, here's an etiquette question...and for once, I'm not ticked off at the other party...but I'm wondering if I should stop bringing back gifts for them 'cause I don't want to put the other people in an awkward position. Our friends live nearby and when we're gone, they come over to take care of our cat and when they're gone we go over to take care of their cat and dogs. We always bring something back from our trip for them--a souvenir, t-shirt, box of chocolates etc. They do not get anything for us when we watch their pets/house. Again that doesn't bother me because they take better care of my Corky than anyone else could/would (Corky's my fur baby). Do you think that it's OK for me to continue giving them souvenirs from our trips? I really enjoy bringing something back for them--but I don't want them to think they have to do the same. I really like them--and they really like us...and I don't want them to feel obligated. (FYI, we never go overboard on their treats--they are usually in the $35 range.)
    Last edited by Lois Lane; 03-13-2008 at 11:09 AM.

  3. #183
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    It's a nice gesture. I do the same thing when my ex and her kids puppy-sit for Gustav.
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
    --Marion Zimmer Bradley

  4. #184
    FORT Fogey canadian_angel's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Lois Lane;2839821;
    OK, here's an etiquette question...and for once, I'm not ticked off at the other party...but I'm wondering if I should stop bringing back gifts for them 'cause I don't want to put the other people in an awkward position. Our friends live nearby and when we're gone, they come over to take care of our cat and when they're gone we go over to take care of their cat and dogs. We always bring something back from our trip for them--a souvenir, t-shirt, box of chocolates etc. They do not get anything for us when we watch their pets/house. Again that doesn't bother me because they take better care of my Corky than anyone else could/would (Corky's my fur baby). Do you think that it's OK for me to continue giving them souvenirs from our trips? I really enjoy bringing something back for them--but I don't want them to think they have to do the same. I really like them--and they really like us...and I don't want them to feel obligated. (FYI, we never go overboard on their treats--they are usually in the $35 range.)
    I do that kind of stuff too. I always do little trinkets during the year for holidays for my classmates too. I think it's just the kind of people we are. It's just something we do. We don't expect something in return for it. We just do it to show our thanks/appreciation. So I don't see anything wrong with it. You're not spending ridiculous amounts so I don't see the harm.

  5. #185
    She luvs me not?!?!?! Vonna's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Lois Lane;2839821;
    Who wouldn't?!
    Lois, please excuse MRD and I. We didn't mean to exclude you. You come on too! The old house isn't huge, but it will be roomy enough for a FORT party...
    I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
    Maya Angelou

  6. #186
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Vonna;2840008;
    Lois, please excuse MRD and I. We didn't mean to exclude you. You come on too! The old house isn't huge, but it will be roomy enough for a FORT party...
    Aw...thanks! (You got my subtle hint! )

    And thanks everyone for your input. I will continue to bring back little treats for Corky's friends...um, I mean our friends!

  7. #187
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I don't know, Lois, would you consider shipping to those of us who don't have pets any more? I'd love to have a visitor, and I wouldn't even accept any treats!!

  8. #188
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Here's an etiquette dilemma. I will be heading out in a couple of weeks to my niece's wedding in another state. My brother and I will be arriving in town shortly before the wedding rehearsal. We were told by our other brother (father of the bride) that we wouldn't be invited to the rehearsal dinner because it was being held in a restaurant with limited seating and only had room for 40 people, so they were limiting it to the wedding party and their families. We were both fine with this. It was a relief that we didn't have to worry about getting there at a certain time, and we are not involved in the wedding in any way, we're just the "out of town relatives". It was all good. So, a couple of weeks ago I talked with my niece on the phone, and she told me that we were both welcome at the dinner, providing they had enough room - depending on how many RSVPs they got. OK, that was fine. Fast forward to this last weekend - my SIL was explaining to me the process for deciding who to invite. I found out my brother is actually getting a formal invitation to the dinner because he's our niece's baptism sponsor, but technically I am not invited - but I'm "welcome" to come if they have room. Someone will let me know by word of mouth if there is room for me, otherwise I am "welcome" to have dinner there anyway but I won't be able to sit with the group.

    My niece met her future husband after she moved out there, so all his family is local. On our side of the family there are 2 aunts (myself included) and 2 uncles attending from out of state - and I am the only one of the four of us not invited to the dinner. The more I think about it the more I don't want to go no matter what - I just can't get comfortable with the idea that I'm only invited if they have room, and I don't want to go if I have to sit off by myself. I also don't want to be the cause any drama or upset. I could tell my SIL was embarrassed by the whole situation, she was apologizing all over the place, and I understand that the rehearsal dinner is done by the groom's family so it's not really their call. I also think I feel somewhat disappointed because my niece was flower girl in my wedding, and now it's her wedding and I'm kind of being left out. I'm not sure how to handle it, I liked things much better when I just plain wasn't invited.

  9. #189
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I would like it better not being invited myself. I've seen all too many cases where a person who was involved in someone elses wedding gets married, and does not include the other person creating somewhat hard feelings.

    I also find from watching shows like whos wedding is it anyway or Bridezilla and from real life that weddings also tend to be really "lopsided" affairs with hurt feelings, people left out etc...

    Anyway - sorry for the digression Marleybone - If I were you I would feel the same way, but considering the circumstances and all, why don't you just beg off with some excuse, and if you're staying in a hotel pamper yourself with a nice order from room service, or if you're staying at someones house find a good takeout place and order in with a movie or something.
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  10. #190
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Wow, Marley. What a mess. While yes, the groom's family does the rehearsal, your niece is an adult and should have said that you, as her aunt, should absolutely be invited. All the rehearsal dinners I've ever been to (including my brother's) involved the wedding party and close family of the bride and groom. The families of the bridesmaids and groomsmen stayed home. Anyone know the rules on this, if there are any? All I know is that the rehearsal dinner shouldn't be an exclusive party for the groom's family.

    I'm sorry your feelings have been hurt. I don't blame you - I wouldn't want to go either. Is there a way that you could tell your niece how hurt you are by this treatment? She should know how this has made you feel, especially in light of the fact that you gave her a special role in your wedding. I'd be worried about what kind of family your niece is marrying into if they're treating you so poorly.
    Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' - Isaac Asimov

    I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

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