Etiquette Questions

[MRD]

...I have friends that do the same thing to me. They will work out with me...go to lunch, etc, but never invite me on their trips. I just don't get it, but I think I've accepted it.

You know MRD, these friends are missing out on a lot of fun by not inviting us along.


BTW This is a really fun thread.

You are exactly right about that. I am a lot of fun on trips. I pay my way, I don't complain (much), I find fun stuff to do, I stay up late. I think I'm a good trip goer. Their loss.

Come with me Vonna and let's go somewhere fun!

[Lois Lane]

People do this occassionally to me and it doesn't bother me that much, surprisingly 'cause it has never been my really close friends who do this, but rather people I know but don't really want to hang out with anyway.

When I was in college, this one girl would always invite everyone that was there but me. One time, I guess she wanted to throw me a bone and said, "Oh, you can come, too, Lois." It felt so good to say, "Oh, sorry. I'm going to see Tom Petty instead." (And I really was!) Hee hee! Tom Petty was a huge deal back then and his tickets were really hard to get.

I think some people are just clueless. Sure, there are some who may intentionally want to hurt others, but I really do think that for the most part, they lack social graces. It seems like a no brainer to me that you don't talk about a party that someone else isn't invited to 'cause you don't want to hurt their feelings. But for some of the me-me-me generation, they just don't care.

[famita]

I've got a quirky question. I have a lot of thank you's to send out. I have been writing back to the ones who took the time to write something on the cards they sent to me. I've already sent the thank you's for the flowers and the memoriams. Do I send a thank you for the people who sent a sympathy card with just a signature? What would you do?

[MRD]

I've got a quirky question. I have a lot of thank you's to send out. I have been writing back to the ones who took the time to write something on the cards they sent to me. I've already sent the thank you's for the flowers and the memoriams. Do I send a thank you for the people who sent a sympathy card with just a signature? What would you do?

Famita,

I did not send thank you's to most of the people that sent cards, unless they wrote something in it, like a memory of my parents, etc.
I just had way too many to send everyone that sent a card. And I don't think people that send a card expect to get a thank you. But I did want to acknowledge the ones that did take the time to write notes to me. But the regular cards with just a signature, I didn't send a note back.

One of the things people do in the small town I'm from and I don't know if this is feasible for you. But often the family will put a thank you in the newspaper thanking all their family and friends for the "outpouring of support in our time of grief".

[Lois Lane]

I've got a quirky question. I have a lot of thank you's to send out. I have been writing back to the ones who took the time to write something on the cards they sent to me. I've already sent the thank you's for the flowers and the memoriams. Do I send a thank you for the people who sent a sympathy card with just a signature? What would you do?

I sent a thank you card to everyone, but I honestly don't think people are expecting you to bust your butt during this emotional and difficult time. If you want to send thank yous to everyone and are overwhelmed, perhaps you can enlist people to help you. I wrote the thank yous on behalf of our entire family--so even if something was sent to my mother, I wrote the thank you so she didn't have to deal with it.

And just 'cause I sent thank yous to people who sent a card with just a signature, it doesn't mean that's the right thing or what you should do. For me, it gave me something to do other than obsess and be sad...it was a diversion for a while. Also, people are sending cards to show you they care and are sorry they can't be there for you in person. I honestly don't think they are expecting you to write back...at least I don't when I send a condolence card.

[famita]

I agree that it's been a God-sent task to not obsess about things. And I've written on every card so far in response to the cards that have wonderful verses or thoughts were real helpful to me. I even had a letter from the sister of my son's boss who happens to also live in Ohio. Wow! But there are the people who sent flowers who I can't even find their addresses on the internet. Anyway, thanks.

[MRD]

I agree that it's been a God-sent task to not obsess about things. And I've written on every card so far in response to the cards that have wonderful verses or thoughts were real helpful to me. I even had a letter from the sister of my son's boss who happens to also live in Ohio. Wow! But there are the people who sent flowers who I can't even find their addresses on the internet. Anyway, thanks.

Some flower shops will help you with addresses. Or they used too.
It used to be standard procedure for flower shops to include the address of the sender so that a thank you note could be sent. I know that when my parents died, the flowers had a "detachable card" on the arrangements. One part of it stayed with the flowers as to who sent it and the message and one part, came off and had the name, address and message and the funeral home collected these and gave them to us.
But if you still have the card from the flowers, does it give the name of the shop? Maybe they could help you with addresses.

[Lois Lane]

mrd, the funeral home we used for my dad's services took photograhs of all the floral arrangements and attached them to the cards and gave them to us. That way, we knew exactly who sent what and were able to note that in the thank you card. That was a nice attention to detail...

[Duxxy]

M's 8th birthday party was yesterday. 2 kids didn't RSVP or show up. 4 kids showed up 30 mins early! (that surprised the heck out of me!) BUT.. not one parent was late picking up (which is the most important part). So miss M is busy writing thank you notes today and we're including a group picture that I took of the girls. I think this is the last home party we'll be having. It's so much work and compared with a movie party the expense was astronomical.

[misskitty]

...Come with me Vonna and let's go somewhere fun!

Can I come too? I like fun!

famita: Sending you hugs while you are sending thank you cards.

Duxxy: I'm sure that M enjoyed her party. It's too bad that your party guests were early, late, or didn't show. That makes planning difficult. Good luck next year with the movie party next year!