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Thread: Etiquette Questions

  1. #101
    Wait, what? ArchieComic Fan's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by Lois Lane;2820216;
    Hello all,

    I'm awaiting my guests to arrive tonight and had a question for you all...on the chance that I ever throw another small dinner party, do you think I should state on the invitation what I will be serving--hence cutting off the people who don't want to eat that? For instance:

    Lois Lane would like to invite Mr. and Mrs. A to dinner at 7 p.m. Satruday.
    Menu: crudite and hummus; followed by salad, roast chicken, Italian bread and mashed potatoes. Chocolate ganache cake and coffee/tea will be served for dessert.

    What do you think?
    Lois, that is an excellent idea. And your sample menu sounds divine . However, be prepared for a secondary reply for the one or two rude people who may say, I don't like xxx, would you mind serving yyy instead or adding/omitting this? Because based on the discussions here, there are still people out there who even when they have something spelled out to them, they will still try to insert their opinion even when it's not appropriate.

    ETA: Let us know how it goes tonight. Good luck!

  2. #102
    Premium Member DesertRose's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I can't say how many times I had a menu planned out and changed it up at the last minute. For me, that's part of the fun. So, I personally wouldn't recommend it.

  3. #103
    FORT Fogey justCoz's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I will admit to talking on my cell phone while I am shopping, but draw the line in church, movies, places where one is expected to be quiet. Today we had a meeting with our church ladies. It was only about 20 women and one lady got a phone call in the middle of it. One person was up front speaking, she turned her chair backwards so she wasn't facing the front and proceeded to carry on a conversation. I wasn't even that close to her but could actually hear part of her words, some of which were "I want mac and cheese". I couldn't believe the nerve to be having a conversation like that, much less over something so mundane as a grocery list. Finally after this went on for a few minutes or so one of the other ladies had to ask her to step outside for a minute. Everyone else was just kind of looking around wondering if she was going to wrap up her conversation any time soon, and what if anything we should do about it. I've seen some rude things with cell phones, but that was one of the worst that I've witnessed.

    The RSVT is a new one for me and I don't believe I would have even known what that meant.

  4. #104
    HBK fan nilesgirl's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    See, that's what drives me crazy. She could've had the courtesy to #1: excuse herself from the meeting to have the discussion in private or #2: Told the person on the other end "I'm in the middle of a meeting right now, I'll have to call you back. Or even better than both of those 2 is TURN IT OFF! For crying out loud if you are somewhere where you are expected to be quiet, turn the phone off or at least set it to vibrate. It seems as though courtesy and respect has gone the way of the dinosaur where this is concerned.
    Hurley: (holding up a Jesus statue) I don't know. I thought there might be a prowler or something.
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  5. #105
    FORT Fogey justCoz's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    She's an older lady so that's what is even more shocking, not like we can blame it on her being young. She leaves it on all the time in church. In her defense for that she has a very elderly mother that has many health problems, but I wish she could figure out a way to use the vibrate function instead of always letting it ring. Usually though she does leave the room, which made today's episode that much more weird.

  6. #106
    FORT Fogey livin4reality's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I think there is a certain breed of people here, like myself who find phones obnoxious. I don't know. There is just so much buzz. info coming from every direction and it is overwhelming to me. So when it comes to something like the phone..I can control that. I got rid of my cell phone, and screen most of my calls. It just cuts down on the buzz for me.

    Then you get people like me, and I'm guilty of this: screening my calls. If it is someone I want to talk to, I'll pick up. Most of the time though, I don't want to talk on the phone. But what really irks me is when I call someone, get a machine, leave a message and then they call back in a couple of minutes. By that time I've moved onto something else and have to interrupt what I'm doing to take the call that they couldn't pick up for 5 minutes before. Why can't they call back when I'm available? LOL Oh yeah, as Thom York says: "appliances have gone berserk. I cannot keep up. Treading on people's toes."

    Or I have a friend who will be talking to me and invariably will answer call waiting and chat for a moment or two. Sheesh. Can I have an phone call uninterrupted?

    As far as the RSTP or whatever the hell it is...I wouldn't be able to RSVP. No text ability here. But I'd be getting the happy couple an etiquette book.
    I very much believe in rescuing animals, not buying them.

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  7. #107
    Wait, what? ArchieComic Fan's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by livin4reality;2820346;
    Or I have a friend who will be talking to me and invariably will answer call waiting and chat for a moment or two. Sheesh. Can I have an phone call uninterrupted? [/B]
    This is one of my biggest pet peeves. My personal rule of thumb is I'll give the person maybe a little over a minute to come back on the line to me. That is more than enough time for them to find out what the other person wants and to decide if they should tell me or the new caller if they will call me/them back. If they don't come back on in the time I think is appropriate, I hang up. If they want to continue the conversation with me they can call me back. My time is too valuable to be left on hold. At the very least, if they need to take the other call, they should come back on and say "I have to take this other call" or "Can you hold a minute, I'll be right back" I don't think that is too much to ask.

  8. #108
    FORT Fogey Missyboxers's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by livin4reality;2820346;
    I think there is a certain breed of people here, like myself who find phones obnoxious. I don't know. There is just so much buzz. info coming from every direction and it is overwhelming to me. So when it comes to something like the phone..I can control that. I got rid of my cell phone, and screen most of my calls. It just cuts down on the buzz for me.

    Then you get people like me, and I'm guilty of this: screening my calls. If it is someone I want to talk to, I'll pick up. Most of the time though, I don't want to talk on the phone.

    Or I have a friend who will be talking to me and invariably will answer call waiting and chat for a moment or two. Sheesh. Can I have an phone call uninterrupted?

    I've never been much of a phone person, and I screen calls like a fiend-- when I hear my phone, that is. I have a cell phone only, no land line, and I'm awful about checking messages-- anyone who knows me well knows that I'll almost always get email faster than voicemail, and anyone who leaves me a long voicemail can pretty much guarantee that I won't listen to the whole thing. Long, rambling messages drive me crazy (which is why my voicemail specifically says that the caller should "leave a concise message"). I don't quite know why, but I've always preferred reading over listening. I have trouble hearing sometimes, and I do find that frustrating. Maybe that's it.

    As for call waiting-- I will only answer the other line if it's my parents, since I assume that if they're calling, it's something fairly important. Otherwise, straight to voicemail.

    Cell phones going off during meetings, movies, theater, etc, are really annoying, I agree. One funny story on that though-- the room I work in at my office is sort of like a computer lab, and it's quiet during the day, but is used for meetings a couple mornings a week. One morning, I was sitting at my computers while a group of about 30 people, mostly men, had their weekly meeting. One morning, one guy's cell phone went off in the middle of the meeting. The ringtone? Aqua's Barbie Girl. You all can imagine the reactions-- I bet he learned his lesson about his phone going off in meetings, though!

  9. #109
    Premium Member burntbrat's Avatar
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    I absolutely hate showers. I'm sorry to all the shower people, but it seems so tacky to me and always will. The only purpose for showers is to get stuff. That said, I always go when I'm invited and give a gift from the registry, but I hate it!! I'm invited to showers for people I hardly know, who are connected to my husband's work, and it seems so cheap. I understand a new couple wanting to set up a house, but why would you send invitations to every aquaintance??

    When I got married, I did not register. I never had a shower for any child. If someone wanted to buy me a gift, I let them buy the fun things like clothes and toys. I am with all of you that hate being told what to buy. When I got married I got this wonderful grape dish that my grandmother had in her family for years and it's priceless. That being said, I do have Amazon wish lists for everyone in my family. It makes gift-buying easier for CLOSE family so they can go there each year instead of asking, "Hey, what does so-and-so want for Christmas this year?"

    I do not presume to be perfect, especially in the etiquette arena. But I always send thank you notes (sometimes a bit late) and they're always personalized. If someone took the trouble to give me a gift, it's the least I can do to send a little note. My in-laws friends send us gifts on big anniversaries and events, and I believe it is because we've always shown appreciation.
    One of these days I'll stop being sensitive. Until then, I'll continue to be devastated on a daily basis. Life breaks my heart.

  10. #110
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    Re: Etiquette Questions

    Quote Originally Posted by burntbrat;2820512;
    I absolutely hate showers. I'm sorry to all the shower people, but it seems so tacky to me and always will.
    When I first starting reading your post and read this, I was about to reply that I love nice long baths, myself... but then I finally snapped that you're talking about wedding and baby showers.

    Quote Originally Posted by burntbrat;2820512;
    When I got married, I did not register. I never had a shower for any child. If someone wanted to buy me a gift, I let them buy the fun things like clothes and toys. I am with all of you that hate being told what to buy. When I got married I got this wonderful grape dish that my grandmother had in her family for years and it's priceless. That being said, I do have Amazon wish lists for everyone in my family. It makes gift-buying easier for CLOSE family so they can go there each year instead of asking, "Hey, what does so-and-so want for Christmas this year?"

    I do not presume to be perfect, especially in the etiquette arena. But I always send thank you notes (sometimes a bit late) and they're always personalized. If someone took the trouble to give me a gift, it's the least I can do to send a little note. My in-laws friends send us gifts on big anniversaries and events, and I believe it is because we've always shown appreciation.
    That's pretty much how I see it too, burntbrat. People tend to appreciate others who show appreciation. I know I'm that way, too, with people over the years who have taken the time to thank me for something. And although I do understand that there are some situations where having a registry is helpful, I don't believe that any gift situation should demand that gifts only come from the person's registry.

    Heck, part of the whole tradition of bridal showers and baby showers is that you're going to get some gifts that you'll probably want to hide in the closet and bring out only if the giver visits you, or you'll get some duplicates of certain things, but you know what? I think that just adds to the fun of the event. And the important thing is not "oh goody goody I'm going to get lots of gifts", the important thing is that you're sharing a life moment with friends and/or family you want to be a part of it, and in knowing that these people put some thought into what to get you. Sure, sometimes you'll get a gift that suits the giver and not you, but so what? You got the better gift in the exchange of caring.

    I also didn't have a shower when I got married, in spite of several friends trying their hardest to get me to let them throw one for me. But I did receive gifts from family and friends who sent them on their own. And I remember that I got a gift from an elderly cousin, who if truth be told, was a perfectly tacky and ugly decorative serving platter. But it was just the type of item she loved to buy for herself, and I saw the look of happiness on her face when she gave it to me, and right then I knew that no matter what the platter looked like, it was covered in love, and that made it better than any fine china or gold-rimmed platter I might have received. If I had restricted people to giving a gift only from a registry, I'd have missed so many precious gifts like that. I truly believe in the old saying that it's the thought that counts.

    I also believe that if I'm in a situation where gifts are sometimes given to me, such as a wedding, birthday, holiday, etc., that I have an obligation to the gifter to make them feel good about whatever gift they give. And I'm not talking only about sending thank you's afterwards, I'm talking about seeing beyond the gift itself and seeing the joy that people feel when giving gifts and allowing them to feel it.

    I just feel that the giving of gifts should always be optional only, and the gifter should always be allowed to give a gift of their choice and not be told what to get or where to get it. And I do like burtnbrat's idea of having a supplemental registry at someplace like amazon.com for those who live elsewhere and for those who truly would like some hints about what you might like. Someplace like that has options to suit any gift-giver's budget, and having it available to others if needed is far different than requiring a gift from a registry only. And for the record, if ever I'm invited to give a gift to someone using only their registered preferences.... I don't. If it's someone I do want to give a gift to, I get the gift I want to give them from where I want to get it, after putting thought into what I thought would be an appropriate gift. If they don't like that it wasn't from their registry, too bad. I'm as rebellious with gift giving as I am in not answering phones unless I want to... I won't be ordered to buy only certain gifts from only certain places.
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